Is it possible to help the deceased to find a better rebirth?

[LKM]

Moderator's note: This topic has been split from here: https://www.dharmawheel.net/viewtopic.p ... 72#p636072
The following posts originally have been posted in other older topics of the subforum Dying and Death. They all seem to fit well into this topic.

While a person is in between reincarnation, what can the family do to help the deceased find peace, happiness and good opportunities for a better rebirth? I am asking this because my mom passed away on 30 July 2021 and since then, she had come into the dreams of several people including me for a few times. My uncle's niece (about 4 years old) even saw her pacing up and down around the corridor of my uncle's apartment when I visited my uncle. In the few dreams that my mom came to me over a period of more than a year, the dreams all seems so real. I hope to be of help to her in the afterlife and I miss her very much. She is my biggest benefactor in life. Will be thankful to you for your kind advice on what I can do to support my late mom in the afterlife.

[LKM]

Would chanting be helpful to the deceased? I noticed that many people cried and grieved a lot when their loved ones demised. How will it affect the deceased in the afterlife? Will the deceased know that he/she has passed on and will this caused a strong attachment to the living familiy members, thereby resulting in eg. being trapped in the bardo state for a period longer than the usual 49 days, etc..? Hope to receive some guidance from wise members here.

[LKM]

When my mom passed away on 30 July 2021, my siblings and I became very sad and we cried a lot at her death bed and during the funeral. It was an emotionally very draining period for the family and we were really reluctant to see her go. She died suddenly at home due to aorta rupture. My sister's son in law was helping to video film the funeral rituals that we were performing in the hope that my late mom will find happiness and leave suffering in the afterlife. I was immensed in grief and could not really focus on what others were doing. When I saw the video records subsequently after the funeral, I was shocked that my sister's husband was behaving in quite frivolous manner without sadness for my late mom.

My late mom has always helped him a lot when she was living. She helped him when he got into trouble and helped him raise his children (my late mom's grandchildren) and much more that did do for him. I felt quite disgusted with his behaviour but didn't pursue it with him or with my sister. Within a year, my brother in law passed away due to stage one lung cancer. There is actually very low risk of someone passing away from stage one lung cancer that was discovered very early and given very good medical care that money can buy. Hence, I speculate that karma has a long arm and during the funeral, there is much spirituality around.

Those who show disrespect and ingratitude may be dealt with by karma very quickly. Although I feel sad that my brother in law passed away less than a year later in 25 July 2022, I think if he has behaved better during my late mom's funeral, he might probably have survived cancer and enjoyed a very rich and comfy retirement that his very capable and successful children could have provided for him. Hope to hear some views from readers here.

[LKM]

I have watched the video on the Tibetan Book of the Dead. As my knowledge is shallow, I would like to know if the deceased definitely has to go for rebirth when it reaches 49 days from the time of death? I still dreamt of my late mom after a year of her passing. The dream seems so real that I believe it was really my late mom that had reached out to me. Would appreciate advice from experts here.

[LKM]

According to Gurudev which he quoted Shankara (a renowned sage from India)

fter 8.4 million bodies, you get the human body.
Just imagine, from bacteria, birds, animals, etc., 8.4 million lives later a human life comes. In this human life, few get to know the real spiritual path. And among those, very few walk on the path and they are the lucky ones.
Adi Shankara has also said, that the human birth is very difficult to get.
After having gotten human birth, the desire of wanting to walk on the spiritual path, is also very difficult to get. Few people get this. And even after getting this desire to walk on the spiritual path, only few get the opportunity to do it; they get the right path.
So, a human birth, desire for a path, and the path being available to them (getting a Spiritual Master), these three things are rare and difficult to get. If you have all three, you are lucky.

I am wondering if that is the reason why most humans do not have any recollections of their past lives as it probably happened thousands of years ago. For those few who managed to get a new rebirth into humans within a short span of time, they probably could remember more details of their immediate past life. Do you think this thinking is correct? Views are welcome.

[kirtu]

People will disagree as to whether it is actually possible to help the deceased find a better rebirth. There are numerous practices for the dead but the overriding condition is the spiritual maturity of the deceased, the clarity of their minds and their karma.

The spiritual maturity of the deceased has resulted in some degree of wisdom and clarity of mind. This is true of any spiritual practitioner regardless of their practice. If they haven't created serious negative karma that matures upon death then they are likely to go to a positive rebirth.

But the minds of the deceased are pulled by confusion and ignorance in different directions. It is impossible for anyone but a Buddha to know where they will take rebirth (I mean in which realm they would take rebirth as well as the circumstances of their rebirth).

We can do spiritual practice for the deceased but most of this practice helps remind the deceased of positive spiritual values. So it can help their minds before their next rebirth. Additionally we can do practice for deceased people with whom we have a connection over any period of time that could have positive results (lamas have told me this directly).

There are numerous prayers for the deceased. Additionally there are the practices primarily of Amitabha and Akshobya as well as Medicine Buddha and other practices (Red Tara for example). These are all from the Tibetan Buddhist traditions. There are methods from other Buddhist traditions as well for the deceased.

Offerings can be made to monastics or teachers or just more simply candles (or other light offering) and/or incense can be offered to Buddhas and then dedicated to the perfect rebirth of the deceased and all beings.

An example of making offerings to help the deceased was taught by Shakyamuni Buddha to Mogallana and is practiced today (Ghost Festival in China, Obon in Japanese Buddhism [including Hawaii and the Japanese Buddhist traditions worldwide]).

One of the first questions I asked my primary Sakya lama was how to help a friend of mine who had died many years ago. He gave an extensive set of practices but the primary one was to recite Samantabhadra's Prayer for my friend and dedicate it for the relieving of suffering of him and all beings.

Another thing could be a simplified phowa practice where you imagine a Buddha (Shakyamuni Buddha, Amitabha, Akshobya or Medicine Buddha are often used for this but basically any Buddha) emitting wisdom light that purifies the deceased of all suffering and all ignorance, at the end their minds are transformed into the Dharmakaya (ultimate truth) and their bodies become pure wisdom light and they are then reborn in a Pure Land. With this they can often be pulled into the heart of the Buddha and then be reborn in a Pure Land.

The practice of Amitabha Buddha is commonly done to help the recently decreased be reborn in Amitabha's Pure Land. But once again, the karma and mind state of the deceased is the primary thing. There is also a practice called Jangchok that is commonly performed in Tibetan Buddhism. For this usually you have to ask a lama and then sponsor the ceremony.

There is also a practice of Akshobya for the deceased.

Akshobhya explicitly promised that the merit generated by reciting 100,000 of his long dharani mantra and creating an image of him could be dedicated to others, even someone long deceased, and they would be assured of release from lower states of existence, and take rebirth in spiritually fortunate circumstances.

Almost all of these practices are from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition but some practices exist in other traditions as well (in Zen for example one performs whatever practice and just dedicates it to the enlightenment and perfect rebirth of the deceased and all beings but there is also a non-extensive Zen funeral ceremony which involves offering incense that is commonly practiced).

[kirtu]

I have watched the video on the Tibetan Book of the Dead. As my knowledge is shallow, I would like to know if the deceased definitely has to go for rebirth when it reaches 49 days from the time of death?

49 days is considered the maximum time in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition between common rebirths. A person could exit the bardo in less than 49 days but not longer.

[Soma999]

I think the deceased can stay in the invisible world much longer than 49 days. I say this as i had contact with some deceased who died long time ago. Some of those deceased could move object, but that’s another story.

Still those 49 days are a precious time to do practice and dedicate for them. And even years after, any practice dedicated to them will benefit them, wherever they are.

Your love will help them so much to transition into higher realms.

The practice which can be done are so many.

Some practice like empereur liang’s golden repentence and Kshitigarbha vows sutra have a strong power to purify, still i am not confortable doing them for a recent deceased due to the description of hell realms. I wonder if that could bring fear to the deceased.

Reciting the mani mantra, Tara, Medicine Buddha are excellent.

You can sponsor a puja, the Garchen institute offer puja for the deceased. You can order a puja if you want.

You can read sacred texts and dedicate for them. It will help them tremendously.

All those practice are also a way to channel your love for them.

Shitro is also a very good practice.

You can also speak to them. Tell them to call higher beings, in their own langage (if they are Christian, speak of angels…). It will help them.

[PadmaVonSamba]

I speculate that karma has a long arm and during the funeral, there is much spirituality around.

Karma doesn’t actually work like that. It’s not some cosmic force that rewards and punishes people.

Everyone is affected by death, and deals with death in their own way. Some feel sadness, others don’t. Still, it is unfortunate if a person isn’t sensitive to the emotions of those who are grieving.

But a person not acting in some way that we expect them to, or how we want them to act, is not going to give them cancer.

[LKM]

I think the deceased can stay in the invisible world much longer than 49 days. I say this as i had contact with some deceased who died long time ago. Some of those deceased could move object, but that’s another story.

Still those 49 days are a precious time to do practice and dedicate for them. And even years after, any practice dedicated to them will benefit them, wherever they are.

Your love will help them so much to transition into higher realms.

The practice which can be done are so many.

Some practice like empereur liang’s golden repentence and Kshitigarbha vows sutra have a strong power to purify, still i am not confortable doing them for a recent deceased due to the description of hell realms. I wonder if that could bring fear to the deceased.

Reciting the mani mantra, Tara, Medicine Buddha are excellent.

You can sponsor a puja, the Garchen institute offer puja for the deceased. You can order a puja if you want.

You can read sacred texts and dedicate for them. It will help them tremendously.

All those practice are also a way to channel your love for them.

Shitro is also a very good practice.

You can also speak to them. Tell them to call higher beings, in their own langage (if they are Christian, speak of angels…). It will help them.

Thank you for your advice. It makes sense to me because I have experience and have heard from many others who have experience deceased who still enter into their dreams many years after their passing, with some even trying to help the living. Hence, I am not so certain that 49 days of passing is a definitive process but it could be a general rule while having a substantive number of exceptions.

[dawn of peace]

Some practice like empereur liang’s golden repentence and Kshitigarbha vows sutra have a strong power to purify, still i am not confortable doing them for a recent deceased due to the description of hell realms. I wonder if that could bring fear to the deceased.

does Ksitigarbha vows Sutra have Tibetan version? or just have Chinese version?

[PadmaVonSamba]

I have experience and have heard from many others who have experience deceased who still enter into their dreams many years after their passing, with some even trying to help the living.

I asked a Rinpoche about such experiences that I had. Very realistic. I had dreams that were both realistic and unusual. For example, the deceased person was gripping my hand tightly in the dream and I could still feel her hand when I awoke.
Also, there was ‘celestial’ music playing that I could still hear for a few moments after the dream ended.

This Lama said that our living experience right now is already kind of a dream, and when we sleep, those are just dreams within this dream.
Interpret that any way you like. Our waking moments seem real to us. Why should appearances in dreams be any different?

When the deceased person appeared in my dream again the next night, I asked her if she would like to go with me and eat some fish. She said yes. Then, I told her, “aha! but you are a vegetarian who doesn’t eat fish!” and she looked surprised, like someone who had been caught in a lie, and vanished once and for all.