is letting oneself fall in romantic love a violation of the fifth precept?

A forum for discussion of Buddhist ethics.
Post Reply
floatingbubbles07
Posts: 60
Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 5:15 pm

is letting oneself fall in romantic love a violation of the fifth precept?

Post by floatingbubbles07 »

People take intoxicants (alcohol, drugs, etc.) to feel good. Intoxicants also clouds your judgement and may make you lie, steal, kill, or commit sexual misconduct in the spur of the moment.
Falling in romantic love feels good. It also makes it easier to cloud your judgement on what real "love" is, since usually when people say "I love you", it's because they love what the other person gives them (i.e. company, a family, money, sex, good feelings, etc.), instead of loving them for who they are without wanting anything in return. If finding a romantic partner (something I've always wanted) would make me more prone to this kind of clouded judgement which I may act on by lying to them by saying "I love you" when in reality I love what they give me, for instance like the feelings I have from their presence, or the happiness I have when I'm with them, but just can't think straight at the moment, isn't letting myself find a partner basically the equivalent of taking intoxicants and thus a violation of the fifth precept? I don't think I can hurt my future partner by saying "I can't say I love you because *insert this explanation*" if they ever tell me that they love me, whatever reason they say it may be for. It would be really weird to not respond at the moment and write a letter back explaining everything later. I want our interactions to be natural and go with the flow.
I was thinking of getting the Buddhist version of "baptized", where you undertake the five precepts, and I don't know if letting myself find the romantic love I want would qualify as taking an intoxicant. Or maybe I'm just being too.... sensitive? if that's the right word?
User avatar
kirtu
Former staff member
Posts: 6997
Joined: Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:29 pm
Location: Baltimore, MD

Re: is letting oneself fall in romantic love a violation of the fifth precept?

Post by kirtu »

No, it's not.
“Where do atomic bombs come from?”
Zen Master Seung Sahn said, “That’s simple. Atomic bombs come from the mind that likes this and doesn’t like that.”

"Even if you practice only for an hour a day with faith and inspiration, good qualities will steadily increase. Regular practice makes it easy to transform your mind. From seeing only relative truth, you will eventually reach a profound certainty in the meaning of absolute truth."
Kyabje Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche.

"Only you can make your mind beautiful."
HH Chetsang Rinpoche
User avatar
PadmaVonSamba
Posts: 9439
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 1:41 am

Re: is letting oneself fall in romantic love a violation of the fifth precept?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

Simply using another person for one’s own personal gratification violates whatever precept you think it does.

Aside from that, most people probably fall in love for the wrong reasons.
EMPTIFUL.
An inward outlook produces outward insight.
User avatar
Kim O'Hara
Former staff member
Posts: 7064
Joined: Fri Nov 16, 2012 1:09 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: is letting oneself fall in romantic love a violation of the fifth precept?

Post by Kim O'Hara »

floatingbubbles07 wrote: Thu Dec 15, 2022 6:25 pm ...I was thinking of getting the Buddhist version of "baptized", where you undertake the five precepts, and I don't know if letting myself find the romantic love I want would qualify as taking an intoxicant. Or maybe I'm just being too.... sensitive? if that's the right word?
The right word is one we hardly ever use in this sense - it's 'scrupulous', and 'scrupulosity' was a recognised way of getting a (Christian) religious life really, really wrong up until about a hundred years ago.
So 'sensitive' will do, and yes, you're being too sensitive. The Buddhist path, especially in the beginning, isn't about doing anything perfectly but about doing most things better. The Precepts are explicitly 'training rules' - guidelines, not commandments.
Loosen up a bit. There is no sin, because there is no god to sin against. No-one condemns anyone to hell, because there is no-one Up There to do the condemning.
Instead, there are actions and the results of actions. Some actions tend to lead to better results than others. Doing stuff that hurts other people is bad for them and bad for us. Doing stuff that helps other people is good for them and good for us. Makes sense, doesn't it? Getting drunk once is a bit silly, getting drunk all the time will have bad results. Etc, etc.

:namaste:
Kim
Post Reply

Return to “Ethical Conduct”