(Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

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climb-up
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(Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by climb-up »

Hi,

This may be a pretty specific ask, but I have an idea in mind and I thought I’d see if anyone had any suggestions.

My children are 9, 13 and 16 and we are all dealing the with the loss of my wife/their mother two months ago. I have talked about Buddhism with them before, just concerts and ideas, and I don’t want to condition them or try to pressure them into becoming Buddhist, but I was wondering if there was like a very simple book that I could maybe read to them that might be inspiring or helpful to some open, if not necessarily particularly interested, western raised kids.

Similarly, I was wondering about guided meditation.
I don’t know that any of them are particularly interested, but would probably be willing to sit with me for a short meditation once or twice just to be nice (at least my 13 year old would).
I have tried doing a very simple breath meditation with them in the past, they did not find it interesting.
I’d thought about TWR’s inner refuge, but the balance is tricky and I don’t know how the positive language of great bliss etc. would mesh with their feelings of grief, if it would be too much for them, or off putting because of the difference between that and their current experience (of course, we’re all having ups and downs and perhaps it would resonate at certain times, I don’t know).

I don’t really know.
Mostly we’re just needing time and to be together and to talk and cry. I’m not trying to bypass that, I just wonder if there are any accessible tools that they might find helpful as well.
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by jet.urgyen »

climb-up wrote: Sat Dec 03, 2022 8:41 pm Hi,

This may be a pretty specific ask, but I have an idea in mind and I thought I’d see if anyone had any suggestions.

My children are 9, 13 and 16 and we are all dealing the with the loss of my wife/their mother two months ago. I have talked about Buddhism with them before, just concerts and ideas, and I don’t want to condition them or try to pressure them into becoming Buddhist, but I was wondering if there was like a very simple book that I could maybe read to them that might be inspiring or helpful to some open, if not necessarily particularly interested, western raised kids.

Similarly, I was wondering about guided meditation.
I don’t know that any of them are particularly interested, but would probably be willing to sit with me for a short meditation once or twice just to be nice (at least my 13 year old would).
I have tried doing a very simple breath meditation with them in the past, they did not find it interesting.
I’d thought about TWR’s inner refuge, but the balance is tricky and I don’t know how the positive language of great bliss etc. would mesh with their feelings of grief, if it would be too much for them, or off putting because of the difference between that and their current experience (of course, we’re all having ups and downs and perhaps it would resonate at certain times, I don’t know).

I don’t really know.
Mostly we’re just needing time and to be together and to talk and cry. I’m not trying to bypass that, I just wonder if there are any accessible tools that they might find helpful as well.
that's really really a hard one. i think you yourself is best resource.

since they are too young to indicate impermanence and how to give meaning to our lives, maybe it would be better you can do something together, like some good actions in the name of your wife/mom. this actually can help you all, so if you tell them so maybe they'll participate.
true dharma is inexpressible.

The bodhisattva nourishes from bodhicitta, through whatever method the Buddha has given him. Oh joy.
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by narhwal90 »

A few years ago when my daughter was approx.14 she responded pretty will to using the headspace app to help her manage anxiety, i wasnt much into.the guided meditation thing but sitting along with her was a win. Being a teen, she valued having the app as the means of doing it.
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by climb-up »

jet.urgyen wrote: Sat Dec 03, 2022 10:11 pm
climb-up wrote: Sat Dec 03, 2022 8:41 pm Hi,

This may be a pretty specific ask, but I have an idea in mind and I thought I’d see if anyone had any suggestions.

My children are 9, 13 and 16 and we are all dealing the with the loss of my wife/their mother two months ago. I have talked about Buddhism with them before, just concerts and ideas, and I don’t want to condition them or try to pressure them into becoming Buddhist, but I was wondering if there was like a very simple book that I could maybe read to them that might be inspiring or helpful to some open, if not necessarily particularly interested, western raised kids.

Similarly, I was wondering about guided meditation.
I don’t know that any of them are particularly interested, but would probably be willing to sit with me for a short meditation once or twice just to be nice (at least my 13 year old would).
I have tried doing a very simple breath meditation with them in the past, they did not find it interesting.
I’d thought about TWR’s inner refuge, but the balance is tricky and I don’t know how the positive language of great bliss etc. would mesh with their feelings of grief, if it would be too much for them, or off putting because of the difference between that and their current experience (of course, we’re all having ups and downs and perhaps it would resonate at certain times, I don’t know).

I don’t really know.
Mostly we’re just needing time and to be together and to talk and cry. I’m not trying to bypass that, I just wonder if there are any accessible tools that they might find helpful as well.
that's really really a hard one. i think you yourself is best resource.

since they are too young to indicate impermanence and how to give meaning to our lives, maybe it would be better you can do something together, like some good actions in the name of your wife/mom. this actually can help you all, so if you tell them so maybe they'll participate.
I think you’re probably right. Thank you 🙏
narhwal90 wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 1:10 am A few years ago when my daughter was approx.14 she responded pretty will to using the headspace app to help her manage anxiety, i wasnt much into.the guided meditation thing but sitting along with her was a win. Being a teen, she valued having the app as the means of doing it.
That’s a good idea, I may offer that as an option. Thank you 🙏
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by Johnny Dangerous »

Samsara Dog is a good book for younger kids, I feel like it's the simplest explanation I've seen for young ones.

The older ones I'm not really sure, generally I think stories about death that gently touch on the themes of impermanence are sensible, but I just can't think of really many good ones off the top of my head.

TNH has writings for younger people I know, I have never looked at them in depth.

I don't know where to find these, but since you mention TWR, he has a whole series he did on..I think a website called Glidewing years ago that dealt with learning allow emotions to be and being a "gracious host" for them. Honestly it was some of the best secular/accessible meditation instructions I've seen and I integrated a lot of it into what I was doing with clients at the time.

It was a free course, if you can find his Glidewing videos I'd look through them, I feel like they'd be a good bet. I suspect he might even have one specifically on practicing with grief. For that matter, some of the material in The True Source of Healing is really accessible, it might be worth looking at.

I have never managed to get my kids interested in Dharma, closest was when I used to lure them to a kids program we had at the Dharma center with cookies, lol.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

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Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

Unfortunately, ‘coping time’ isn’t usually the best time to delve into Buddhism, even though Buddhist practice itself generally does help with coping. Most of the Buddha’s teachings tend to be more blunt than comforting.

There is a story about a distraught woman who brought her recently deceased child to the Buddha and asked him to restore life to the child.
The Buddha instructed her to go and collect mustard seeds from a house where death had never occurred in the family. The mother went to every house asking, but her efforts were in in vain. Returning to the Buddha, she realized the inevitability of death.

Even though it is a good parable, this story can hardly be considered comforting during a time when comforting is needed. A little later on, after grieving, buddhist teachings can help to answer many questions.

But to be there for each other, that’s important. There is a traditional Jewish expression: “may their memory be a blessing” which means that every time you hold the deceased person in your thoughts, may you remember the love of that person in your own heart.

Many condolences for your loss.
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by Kai lord »

When I was young, my teacbers told us stories of Buddha Shakyamuni and put me through three refuge prayers recitations after explaining what are the three refuges.

When I became a youth in the middle school, the simplified version of the four noble truths are taught. An introduction of Buddhist cosmology was given as well which is useful for understanding the first noble truth.

Calming Meditation on breath or metta are only voluntary attempted by teenagers like myself when we reached high school. Foundations of Mindfulness, five precepts, ten vows of samantabhadra, etc, were introduced at this time as well.
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by yagmort »

Climb-up, my apologies if i am not really answering your question, i think all you need right now (all of you) is unconditional love. you may take your time to meditate and show your kids an example. otherwise, just be there together with your kids through the experience? not an easy one for sure..
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by climb-up »

Johnny Dangerous wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 1:21 am Samsara Dog is a good book for younger kids, I feel like it's the simplest explanation I've seen for young ones.

The older ones I'm not really sure, generally I think stories about death that gently touch on the themes of impermanence are sensible, but I just can't think of really many good ones off the top of my head.

TNH has writings for younger people I know, I have never looked at them in depth.

I don't know where to find these, but since you mention TWR, he has a whole series he did on..I think a website called Glidewing years ago that dealt with learning allow emotions to be and being a "gracious host" for them. Honestly it was some of the best secular/accessible meditation instructions I've seen and I integrated a lot of it into what I was doing with clients at the time.

It was a free course, if you can find his Glidewing videos I'd look through them, I feel like they'd be a good bet. I suspect he might even have one specifically on practicing with grief. For that matter, some of the material in The True Source of Healing is really accessible, it might be worth looking at.

I have never managed to get my kids interested in Dharma, closest was when I used to lure them to a kids program we had at the Dharma center with cookies, lol.
I can’t find the glidewing course, but I did sign up for the free ligmincha true source of healing course. I found the book immensely helpful in previous difficult times, maybe there’ll be something I can try sharing.
I’ll check out the samsara dog book too. Thank you.
PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 3:54 am Unfortunately, ‘coping time’ isn’t usually the best time to delve into Buddhism, even though Buddhist practice itself generally does help with coping. Most of the Buddha’s teachings tend to be more blunt than comforting.

There is a story about a distraught woman who brought her recently deceased child to the Buddha and asked him to restore life to the child.
The Buddha instructed her to go and collect mustard seeds from a house where death had never occurred in the family. The mother went to every house asking, but her efforts were in in vain. Returning to the Buddha, she realized the inevitability of death.

Even though it is a good parable, this story can hardly be considered comforting during a time when comforting is needed. A little later on, after grieving, buddhist teachings can help to answer many questions.

But to be there for each other, that’s important. There is a traditional Jewish expression: “may their memory be a blessing” which means that every time you hold the deceased person in your thoughts, may you remember the love of that person in your own heart.

Many condolences for your loss.
I think you’re right. I’ve had the same thought about that parable, and I know it’s easy for people who even aren’t grieving to get upset when they hear certain teachings.

Mostly I find them very useful and wish I could share that, but beyond some of the more secularly focused practices (that also may or may not be of use or interest) it’s probably not the right time.
yagmort wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 5:57 pm Climb-up, my apologies if i am not really answering your question, i think all you need right now (all of you) is unconditional love. you may take your time to meditate and show your kids an example. otherwise, just be there together with your kids through the experience? not an easy aone for sure..
No apology needed at all. I think you’re right and I appreciate it. 🙏
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

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Kai lord wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 7:34 am When I was young, my teacbers told us stories of Buddha Shakyamuni and put me through three refuge prayers recitations after explaining what are the three refuges.

When I became a youth in the middle school, the simplified version of the four noble truths are taught. An introduction of Buddhist cosmology was given as well which is useful for understanding the first noble truth.

Calming Meditation on breath or metta are only voluntary attempted by teenagers like myself when we reached high school. Foundations of Mindfulness, five precepts, ten vows of samantabhadra, etc, were introduced at this time as well.
I think that, given their background and circumstance that this wouldn’t really work directly for them, but I really appreciate hearing your experience and I think this is very useful stuff to know 🙏
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by Johnny Dangerous »

Kisa Gotamis story is one of the things that made decide to really pursue Dharma, it got me through one of the most difficult losses and really changed how I saw death.

However, when I’ve tried to share this simple story with non-Buddhists they don’t get it, or even find it offensive. Just my experience.

Some cannot handle contemplation of impermanence and really just need grounding techniques to deal with grief until they get distracted by life again, to be blunt.

It’s pretty individual and I’ve found that people who are willing to develop insight about death are much rarer than those who find it so upsetting they’d rather just have some coping techniques to forget about it.

There’s nothing wrong with the second category either if it’s what people can handle.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by Konchog Thogme Jampa »

Could recite the Usnisa Vijaya Dharani for them maybe together with you reciting perhaps it helps families along with other benefits

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/U%E1%B ... %C5%ABtra
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

climb-up wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 10:50 pm I think that, given their background and circumstance that this wouldn’t really work directly for them, but I really appreciate hearing your experience and I think this is very useful stuff to know 🙏
This may sound kind of dopey, but I think some of the best advice (and it’s sort of Buddhist) comes from the Lion King: “He (she) lives in you”.

When a person considers who they are, what kind of a person they are (at any age) they can see how much of their parents has been poured into them. As an adult, I realized how much my mother and father became who I am. This does tie into Buddhist teachings, but that can be explored later. It doesn’t matter right now.

You can remind your kids of how much their mother is part of them, how good that is, how they should be proud of that, and how they would be totally different people otherwise. People come and go, but it’s those qualities that we pass along to others that endure.

Buddhist traditions survive by lineages: the teachings are passed from teacher to student. Likewise, the gifts that your childrens’ mother gave them, such as kindness, humor, discipline, they will someday give to their kids. But it’s in them now. They own those gifts themselves, and if they hold onto them, those gifts from her can never be taken away from them.
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by Kim O'Hara »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Mon Dec 05, 2022 4:21 am
climb-up wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 10:50 pm I think that, given their background and circumstance that this wouldn’t really work directly for them, but I really appreciate hearing your experience and I think this is very useful stuff to know 🙏
This may sound kind of dopey, but I think some of the best advice (and it’s sort of Buddhist) comes from the Lion King: “He (she) lives in you”.

When a person considers who they are, what kind of a person they are (at any age) they can see how much of their parents has been poured into them. As an adult, I realized how much my mother and father became who I am. This does tie into Buddhist teachings, but that can be explored later. It doesn’t matter right now.

You can remind your kids of how much their mother is part of them, how good that is, how they should be proud of that, and how they would be totally different people otherwise. People come and go, but it’s those qualities that we pass along to others that endure.

Buddhist traditions survive by lineages: the teachings are passed from teacher to student. Likewise, the gifts that your childrens’ mother gave them, such as kindness, humor, discipline, they will someday give to their kids. But it’s in them now. They own those gifts themselves, and if they hold onto them, those gifts from her can never be taken away from them.
:good:

Coming to this topic a bit late, I saw this -
Johnny Dangerous wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 1:21 am ...The older ones I'm not really sure, generally I think stories about death that gently touch on the themes of impermanence are sensible, but I just can't think of really many good ones off the top of my head.

TNH has writings for younger people I know, I have never looked at them in depth.

I don't know where to find these ...
- and remembered TNH's parable about a cloud which is just about exactly what you want for younger kids.
I think it's included in a bio-pic which I think is this one - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walk_with_Me_(2017_film)
- but if I'm wrong about that, try https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRObW9noiVk. They will both be good anyway. :smile:

It may also be in The Miracle of Mindfulness.

:namaste:
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by climb-up »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Mon Dec 05, 2022 4:21 am
climb-up wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 10:50 pm I think that, given their background and circumstance that this wouldn’t really work directly for them, but I really appreciate hearing your experience and I think this is very useful stuff to know 🙏
This may sound kind of dopey, but I think some of the best advice (and it’s sort of Buddhist) comes from the Lion King: “He (she) lives in you”.
Not at all, it sounds beautiful
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by climb-up »

Kim O'Hara wrote: Mon Dec 05, 2022 6:59 am
- and remembered TNH's parable about a cloud which is just about exactly what you want for younger kids.
I think it's included in a bio-pic which I think is this one - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walk_with_Me_(2017_film)
- but if I'm wrong about that, try https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRObW9noiVk. They will both be good anyway. :smile:

It may also be in The Miracle of Mindfulness.

:namaste:
Kim
Thank you 🙏
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by Kai lord »

climb-up wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 10:50 pm
Kai lord wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 7:34 am When I was young, my teacbers told us stories of Buddha Shakyamuni and put me through three refuge prayers recitations after explaining what are the three refuges.

When I became a youth in the middle school, the simplified version of the four noble truths are taught. An introduction of Buddhist cosmology was given as well which is useful for understanding the first noble truth.

Calming Meditation on breath or metta are only voluntary attempted by teenagers like myself when we reached high school. Foundations of Mindfulness, five precepts, ten vows of samantabhadra, etc, were introduced at this time as well.
I think that, given their background and circumstance that this wouldn’t really work directly for them, but I really appreciate hearing your experience and I think this is very useful stuff to know 🙏
I understand. You might find aspiring stories works for children as they not only capture the children's interest in fairy tales but also introduce Buddhist values to kids indirectly.

When I was young, I found the following story aspiring.

Great Gift and the Wish-Fulfilling Gem

It reads like a Buddhist version of the neverending story to me. :D
Life is like a game, either you win or lose!
Life is like a fight, either you live or die!
Life is like a show, either you laugh or cry!
Life is like a dream, either you know or not!!!
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Re: (Seeking introductory)resources on Buddhism and meditation for bereaved adolescents

Post by climb-up »

Kai lord wrote: Tue Dec 06, 2022 7:26 pm
climb-up wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 10:50 pm
Kai lord wrote: Sun Dec 04, 2022 7:34 am When I was young, my teacbers told us stories of Buddha Shakyamuni and put me through three refuge prayers recitations after explaining what are the three refuges.

When I became a youth in the middle school, the simplified version of the four noble truths are taught. An introduction of Buddhist cosmology was given as well which is useful for understanding the first noble truth.

Calming Meditation on breath or metta are only voluntary attempted by teenagers like myself when we reached high school. Foundations of Mindfulness, five precepts, ten vows of samantabhadra, etc, were introduced at this time as well.
I think that, given their background and circumstance that this wouldn’t really work directly for them, but I really appreciate hearing your experience and I think this is very useful stuff to know 🙏
I understand. You might find aspiring stories works for children as they not only capture the children's interest in fairy tales but also introduce Buddhist values to kids indirectly.

When I was young, I found the following story aspiring.

Great Gift and the Wish-Fulfilling Gem

It reads like a Buddhist version of the neverending story to me. :D
That looks great.
I’m going to order and read it to them (any or all of them who will listen). If it doesn’t resonate, I’ll keep it. 😊
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
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