something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

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rozoksmaslom
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something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

So for the past six years, EVERYTIME I was about to earn some money, I somehow always lost it, or to use a modern term, demanifested it. And I would also lose the (low paying) job. Not only that, I also lose or rather lost the ability to use almost everything that I own (everything in my house).
How do I know? Because I experience extreme pain (emotional and physical - around my scalp area) whenever I'd use something like a computer, a phone or even a bed that I sleep on.
It's super weird and super frustrating, obviously. Even if I ask my mom or brother (with whom I live) for a permission to use these things, it doesn't really help. I've noticed that if I leave the property, the pain kinda subsides, so I've concluded that I lost being even able to be on the property, so it doesn't matter if I ask. It's weird I know.
So when I analyse and look back how these 'demanifestations' trigger, it was always by lust for food (sugary foods that I don't exactly own, as I live with my family) or some sexual misconduct (or both), like masturbation.

It's like the universe always sent me something alluring which I couldn't resist, then bam... I'd lose everything again.

Now, I know that The Buddha left us methods to stop, cessate the lamentations and grief (like the one above ^), 6 months ago I comepletely cut off eating sugary foods and try to do semen retention, I stopped lusting over girls on social media and practice vipassana in day to day diligently, but these 'demanifestation triggers' have come to a point where even touching an empty package of these decadent, highly sugary foods (unknowingly, by accident), or even a glance at such foods can cause me to 'demanifest'. It's scary really. It is really worrying to even try and get a job or to work on my paintings as I know life will frak me up again, somehow. There's just no way there's not gonna be some kind of test, or whatever, in the future. I feel utterly trapped. I thought of asking my mom to remove all these sweets from the house, but as we know, life will find another way to present some kind of alluring, damaging thing into my presence.
I fear that, even though I try and not identify with thoughts of lust (lust for sweets is totally gone) and that I try and practice vipassana all the time, I fear that I will never be able to break this viscous cycle, like there's no way to escape.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

It sounds like a typical self-inflicted psychological state, where one has some kind of aversion to things due to some sort of fear or guilt or whatever, and this aversion manifests as pain.
rozoksmaslom wrote: Thu Oct 27, 2022 10:28 am So for the past six years, EVERYTIME I was about to earn some money, I somehow always lost it, or to use a modern term, demanifested it. And I would also lose the (low paying) job. Not only that, I also lose or rather lost the ability to use almost everything that I own (everything in my house).
How do I know? Because I experience extreme pain (emotional and physical - around my scalp area) whenever I'd use something like a computer, a phone or even a bed that I sleep on...
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rozoksmaslom
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Thu Oct 27, 2022 3:29 pm It sounds like a typical self-inflicted psychological state, where one has some kind of aversion to things due to some sort of fear or guilt or whatever, and this aversion manifests as pain.
rozoksmaslom wrote: Thu Oct 27, 2022 10:28 am So for the past six years, EVERYTIME I was about to earn some money, I somehow always lost it, or to use a modern term, demanifested it. And I would also lose the (low paying) job. Not only that, I also lose or rather lost the ability to use almost everything that I own (everything in my house).
How do I know? Because I experience extreme pain (emotional and physical - around my scalp area) whenever I'd use something like a computer, a phone or even a bed that I sleep on...
this may be the case perhaps..
but, how would you explain losing actual money or actual jobs? the next day, or even in the same day as when I engaged in the misconduct (acting upon lust)
I only notice guilt arising after I "mysteriously" lose these things, regretting what I have done..

Didn't the Buddha himself warned against indulging in sensual pleasures, saying it has many drawbacks, causes much despair..?
Last edited by rozoksmaslom on Thu Oct 27, 2022 6:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

rozoksmaslom wrote: Thu Oct 27, 2022 6:30 pm but, how would you explain losing actual money or actual jobs?
How often in one day do you think people lose their money or lose their job? How often in just one hour do you guess it happens?

Also, there are 8 billion people on Earth. On any give day, how many do you suppose lose their money or job?

Would you say this is a rare occurrence or a fairly ordinary and common occurrence?

Because humans are on the habit of self-grasping, we often lose our overall perspective on things, and magnify events happening to us personally, and when that magnification takes place, because it seems peculiar or unusual, we feel a need for some kind of peculiar or unusual explanation or cause. Because people misunderstand karma, karma becomes the ready-made mystical answer to things which are not mystical at all, not even peculiar or unusual.

So, the solution is probably to practice less self-grasping.
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rozoksmaslom
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Thu Oct 27, 2022 11:31 pm Also, there are 8 billion people on Earth. On any give day, how many do you suppose lose their money or job?
I don't know. All I see is a pattern, of me 'demanifesting' stuff precisely after I indulge in lustful behaviour. What was common in all these instances that the food (cakes and sweets usually) was not exactly owned/bought by me. I am ashamed to even talk about that in detail.

Let's say nothing weird, or 'magical' happens when you engage in such conduct... how would you explain (apart from the loss of things) the extreme suffering when I use things in the house (pc, phone, bed, everything), or even actually being on the property?

Nowadays I have to ask for permission to use things.. then it's fine... until I demanifest that with a single lustful glance on a pretty lady on social media, or just a 1 second of a lustful thought. Then everything get's 'blocked' (the ability to use PC, or whatever) and the suffering arises again (it's like someone is pushing needles or a crown of thorns or something, onto my scalp, along with a nasty burning sensation on my head, sometimes also intense pain in the ears. I actually lost a lot of hair and hearing in my left ear recently....)

yeah, things are pretty weird
Last edited by rozoksmaslom on Sat Oct 29, 2022 12:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

rozoksmaslom wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 12:17 am
PadmaVonSamba wrote: Thu Oct 27, 2022 11:31 pm Also, there are 8 billion people on Earth. On any give day, how many do you suppose lose their money or job?
I don't know. All I see is a pattern, of me 'demanifesting' stuff precisely after I indulge in lustful behaviour. What was common in all these instances that the food (cakes and sweets usually) was not exactly owned/bought by me. I am ashamed to even talk about that in detail.

Let's say nothing weird, or 'magical' happens when you engage in such conduct... how would you explain (apart from the loss of things) the extreme suffering when I use things in the house (pc, phone, bed, everything), or even actually being on the property?

Nowadays I have to ask for permission to use things.. then it's fine... until I demanifest that with a single lustful glance on a pretty lady on social media, or just a 1 second of a lustful thought. Then everything get's 'blocked' (the ability to use PC, or whatever) and the suffering arises again (it's like someone is pushing needles or a crown of thorns or something, onto my scalp, along with a nasty burning sensation on my head, sometimes also intense pain in the ears. I actually lost a lot of hair and hearing in my left ear recently....)

yeah, things are pretty weird
Sounds like guilt issues, but I’m no expert.
Lots of people think about sex. It’s normal.
If people didn’t think about sex,
we wouldn’t be here.
Maybe you should see a doctor.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by Zhen Li »

It sounds like psychosomatic disorder caused by an excessive amount of fear, guilt, and ruminating.

Cognitive behavioural therapy might help.

As for vipassana, I have noticed that it can create in some people an excessive amount of self-policing and self-psychologising beyond what is intended or normal. A less self-policing and self-control focused kind of practice would probably benefit you greater.

Metta meditation would probably be the alternative that would be closest to what you have practiced. But I could also recommend looking into Pure Land practice—it can take your mind off your moral state or character, which for the most part are irrelevant since you haven't done anything actually wrong.
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rozoksmaslom
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

Thank you for the replies guys.

So no Buddhist deities are punishing me for my lust? :?

I am curious what the Buddha meant by that sensual desires/craving leads suffering, drawbacks and despair? And ultimately keeping one stuck in the cycle of samsara...
Last edited by rozoksmaslom on Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:03 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by muni »

Hello dear,

It seems you think it is because of something you do or think that some things happen. Perhaps you are linking your thoughts, feelings like lust, to what happens then. When I do or feel this, this is going to happen. So I must avoid it. But that itself causes you suffering.

Uncountable times ( I am old) I heard people saying: one misfortune comes not alone, it is always followed by another. This is not to take literary but it can happen. It is not so that when one so called misfortune is experienced, there will only fortunes follow, nor is it sure another misfortune will follow.

It is the dance of life, the dance of positive and negative what we all are experiencing and what we call life. And life can be sometimes really hard to us. But all passes.

My pc does sometimes as well strange, it blocks me to write or other things. But that just happens by so many.

Do not hurt yourself by thinking you are guilty of all this.

Being careful and mindful in Buddhism means as well take care of your mind, be kind to yourself, it is not your fault.

Please ask for a medical check. But feel free to talk to all who have a listening ear.

I wish you all the best.

:namaste:
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rozoksmaslom
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

muni wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:07 am Hello dear,

It seems you think it is because of something you do or think that some things happen. Perhaps you are linking your thoughts, feelings like lust, to what happens then. When I do or feel this, this is going to happen. So I must avoid it. But that itself causes you suffering.

Uncountable times ( I am old) I heard people saying: one misfortune comes not alone, it is always followed by another. This is not to take literary but it can happen. It is not so that when one so called misfortune is experienced, there will only fortunes follow, nor is it sure another misfortune will follow.

It is the dance of life, the dance of positive and negative what we all are experiencing and what we call life. And life can be sometimes really hard to us. But all passes.

My pc does sometimes as well strange, it blocks me to write or other things. But that just happens by so many.

Do not hurt yourself by thinking you are guilty of all this.

Being careful and mindful in Buddhism means as well take care of your mind, be kind to yourself, it is not your fault.

Please ask for a medical check. But feel free to talk to all who have a listening ear.

I wish you all the best.

:namaste:
Thank you for the kind comment, muni, much appreciated :yinyang:
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

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rozoksmaslom wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 9:54 am Thank you for the replies guys.

So no Buddhist deities are punishing me for my lust? :?

I am curious what the Buddha meant by that sensual desires/craving leads suffering, drawbacks and despair? And ultimately keeping one stuck in the cycle of samsara...
Desire and craving is actually itself the suffering and then follows dissatisfaction, not having what we want and having what we do not want.

But that means not we are punished because we would like some chocolate. We are "punished" by our desires which are not fulfilled or are left without satisfaction.
If you have some chocolate, do enjoy. Maybe in moderate way. If not you are sitting one day by the dentist. :namaste:
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by Miorita »

Let's try have you on some roots regimen like carrots, cetery, potatoes, etc. baked, boiled, add some ghee, try bringing some clarity and cleanliness to what you eat!
Then, after you are grounded more, you coud start projecting ideas that you dematerialize good projects. You don't have the fuel to do anything with sweets. They're glucose and don't take you far. You can't do a meditation.

The law of attraction as you refer to it, does not work on an empty tank. Spend more time out in the nature, under the sun, eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired, use common sense!

Then if the dematerializing happens when you have low paying jobs, try getting a high paying job! Maybe it is the disregard you have for the job because it is so minuscule and you feel that even if you put in a lot effort and accomplish everything that it is not worth it the pay. You don't feel the results of your work. Maybe this attitude is gnawing at you, the money you don't earn. Maybe you ought to have the job that you're qualified for.

For the property thought, you could do a temporary asigning of worries to someone else about where the property sits and try less thoughts of material attachments.

And last, the crown issue and electronics:
For the crown, try the tree pose as tolerated and not in excess! It will again ground you.
For the electronics part, the electrics is a different world and you need to consider in what state the electric wires are around the home - if they're clean of dust, if checked for integrity that they don't have leaks and last, set up a clear intention to meditate daily to bring order in disorder!

You may have an excess of Vata dosha grafted on a Pitta excess.
Monitor and balance your inner temperature! When too hot, cool down! When too cold, warm up!
Read and learn to come out of a catch-22! Good luck! You could do it.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

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rozoksmaslom wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 9:54 am Thank you for the replies guys.

So no Buddhist deities are punishing me for my lust? :?

I am curious what the Buddha meant by that sensual desires/craving leads suffering, drawbacks and despair? And ultimately keeping one stuck in the cycle of samsara...
No. Buddhism isn’t Abrahamic. There are no gods dishing out rewards and punishments.

To put it simply: the more you crave something, the more you suffer from not having it. If this becomes a regular habit, then you just go around and around never being satisfied, never experiencing a mind that is free from still wanting something else.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:23 pm
rozoksmaslom wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 9:54 am Thank you for the replies guys.

So no Buddhist deities are punishing me for my lust? :?

I am curious what the Buddha meant by that sensual desires/craving leads suffering, drawbacks and despair? And ultimately keeping one stuck in the cycle of samsara...
No. Buddhism isn’t Abrahamic. There are no gods dishing out rewards and punishments.
I have read on a buddhist facebook group page, that there certain deities (I think it was Yamantaka) who can cause chaos in one's life, in order for him to wake up and look at his life (or something to that extent).
Maybe this thing I experience is something related to that?
I never experienced anything like this before I started practicing buddhism/meditation (in 2013).

But it certainly woke me up, that is for sure.
Last edited by rozoksmaslom on Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

rozoksmaslom wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:48 pm
PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:23 pm
rozoksmaslom wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 9:54 am Thank you for the replies guys.

So no Buddhist deities are punishing me for my lust? :?

I am curious what the Buddha meant by that sensual desires/craving leads suffering, drawbacks and despair? And ultimately keeping one stuck in the cycle of samsara...
No. Buddhism isn’t Abrahamic. There are no gods dishing out rewards and punishments.
I have read on a buddhist facebook group page, that there certain deities (I think it was Yamantaka) who can cause chaos in one's life, in order for him to wake up and look at his life (or something to that extent).
Maybe this thing I experience is something related to that?
I never experienced anything like this before I started practicing buddhism/meditation (in 2013).

But it certainly woke me up, that is for sure.
Well, if it’s on Facebook it must be true.
:jumping:
Consider this: when you begin practing buddhist teachings, your standards and expectations sort of change. You strive to become more disciplined and self-aware, so you become more sensitive to when you are not acting in a more disciplined way.

Yamantaka and other deities are manifestations of the true nature of our minds. If you aren’t doing the practice associated with a deity, you won’t experience anything positive or negative associated with that deity.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sun Oct 30, 2022 4:04 pm
rozoksmaslom wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:48 pm
PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:23 pm

No. Buddhism isn’t Abrahamic. There are no gods dishing out rewards and punishments.
I have read on a buddhist facebook group page, that there certain deities (I think it was Yamantaka) who can cause chaos in one's life, in order for him to wake up and look at his life (or something to that extent).
Maybe this thing I experience is something related to that?
I never experienced anything like this before I started practicing buddhism/meditation (in 2013).

But it certainly woke me up, that is for sure.
Well, if it’s on Facebook it must be true.
:jumping:
Ikr, but it was a group dedicated to some sort of tibetan buddhism and the posts dealt with (with what I thought were) really advanced teachings and practices, I unsubscribed cause I don't have a teacher so that kind of path is not for me, yet, I guess

What you said makes perfect sense, thanks for clearing that up for me ;)
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

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rozoksmaslom wrote: Sun Oct 30, 2022 6:58 pm
Ikr, but it was a group dedicated to some sort of tibetan buddhism and the posts dealt with (with what I thought were) really advanced teachings and practices, I unsubscribed cause I don't have a teacher so that kind of path is not for me, yet, I guess

What you said makes perfect sense, thanks for clearing that up for me ;)
I follow a few Facebook dharma groups but in my experience this forum, DW, offers a lot more substance than almost anything on FB.

However, Kalu Rinpoche does a weekly Q & A
One-hour live stream on FB which is really good.
If you don’t have a teacher, this might be the next best thing. Also, watch the previous streams, which you can access through ‘videos’ on his FB page.
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rozoksmaslom
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:23 pm To put it simply: the more you crave something, the more you suffer from not having it. If this becomes a regular habit, then you just go around and around never being satisfied, never experiencing a mind that is free from still wanting something else.
That is emotional or mental distress, or anguish.

What I experience are actual drawbacks. Seems like a never ending chain of unpleasantries and problems. Just like The Buddha said, ".. like a spider that fell into it's own self-spun web."

It's absolutely freaky and insane.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

rozoksmaslom wrote: Sun Dec 11, 2022 12:09 pm
PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sat Oct 29, 2022 10:23 pm To put it simply: the more you crave something, the more you suffer from not having it. If this becomes a regular habit, then you just go around and around never being satisfied, never experiencing a mind that is free from still wanting something else.
That is emotional or mental distress, or anguish.

What I experience are actual drawbacks. Seems like a never ending chain of unpleasantries and problems. Just like The Buddha said, ".. like a spider that fell into it's own self-spun web."

It's absolutely freaky and insane.
It’s only freaky if you think there is a connection between the two. It’s like thinking that because I had eggs for breakfast, that’s why somebody drove into my car in the afternoon. That would be freaky too. But obviously there’s no connection between eggs and cars. Maybe there is no connection where you think there is.
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Re: something extremely uncomofortable happens when I lust

Post by rozoksmaslom »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Sun Dec 11, 2022 3:50 pm It’s only freaky if you think there is a connection between the two.
connection between what?

Are you saying that suffering is purely conincidental?
Last edited by rozoksmaslom on Mon Dec 12, 2022 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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