I have violated one of the precepts (stealing) to benefit my career, need advice

[rozoksmaslom]

Hi there!
Guys, I feel absolutely terrible. Please bare with me if it's gonna be too long.
I came to the realisation (or at least it is my view on it) why have I had almost no success in my life/career so far and was not able to support myself, even after 14 years I am still dependant on my family helping me out.
I am a graphic designer and a painter and I always had to resort to borrow money for the art supplies and so on..

In around 2012, when I discovered the Dharmma, I read one advice given by The Buddha, that it is beneficial to lend money (or other resources perhaps), use that, make profit, then give back the lent resources. So I followed that advice, but to this day, for some reason(s) I am yet being able to give back what I gained from family and friends.
There are a few probable factors that may have played a role in that, that I can observe (lack of gaining any merit, due to selfish/self-centered behaviour, while simultaneously amassing karma of being dependant on others, also maybe indulgence in sexual desires - masturbation and sex with someone that loves me, but I don't), but right now I think the main obstacle was how I actually gained skills in graphic design, which also lead to my skills and actual work on paintings. And that is that I used an illegal copy of Photoshop. I can't believe I was so blind to the fact that it is stealing.

3 years ago I attributed that to my lack of success, so I erased all my work that I have done using Photoshop (from IG and my website), dumped all my paintings (because I used Photoshop to transfer the drawings onto canvas) and started fresh and anew, using free software called Krita.
And now, after I've painted around 15 paintings (I also work very slowly) I had another 'realisation'... is that, without Photoshop (which I learned by using a pirated copy) I probably wouldn't know how to use Krita, that when I use it, I still think in terms of "what is the tool that is the equivalent in Photoshop".. that means it has that karmic trace of using an illegal product.

Now I am devasted and on the verge of destroying my paintings (2-3 years worth of work) because I am afraid it will only create more suffering and misery, due to the traces of negative karma.
What do you guys think I should do? Dump these paintings once again and start anew, without using any graphic software... or? I really don't know of anything else to do... Or should I try and get a different job completely?

Sorry again if it was unnecessarilly long..

Thank you all so much for your suggestions...

[narhwal90]

Stop using the pirated software, save up and buy a legal copy and/or learn to use free alternatives. I'd suggest discussing this with a teacher and not dwelling upon it in solitary.

[rozoksmaslom]

Stop using the pirated software, save up and buy a legal copy and/or learn to use free alternatives. I'd suggest discussing this with a teacher and not dwelling upon it in solitary.

Thanks for the reply

As I said in my post, I've been using a free alternative (Krita) for 3 years, but I am afraid that I basically gained something (knowledge and reflexes to use graphical tools) by an unwholesome deed. It would be like if you stole a taxi cab and try to make money off of it.
I know even the slighest bad karma can have massive negative impacts, so I am trying to avoid those karmic traces.

[Johnny Dangerous]

Idk, I think software piracy -can- be a kind of soft thievery depending on circumstances, but companies like Adobe are also exceptionally sleazy in their business practices, to a degree that some people are put in a position to be much more likely to pirate due purely to cost and headache. A monthly fee for Photoshop? Man, ridiculous.

It’s always been an issue with software. I paid for two industry standard pieced of software in the past years, photoshop and protools both are over inflated in terms of price and have questionable business practices in terms of interoperability, etc. I’m just going with low cost alternatives now.

I would do some purification, continue to stick to cheaper/free alternatives and not worry too much. Intention is directly linked here, and software is an odd grey area in terms of the second precept, IMO. You were blind to it being like stealing because it isn’t exactly like stealing. I think it’s good to err on the side of not doing it, but your ignorance of it as being a form of stealing is evidence enough of less bad intent.

[rozoksmaslom]

I would do some purification, continue to stick to cheaper/free alternatives and not worry too much.

Thank you, thank you. You actually don't know how relieved I was to read that

[Konchog Thogme Jampa]

You can rent Photoshop on Adobe Creative Cloud it’s quite cheap and fine to do

[Johnny Dangerous]

You can rent Photoshop on Adobe Creative Cloud it’s quite cheap and fine to do

I think it’s an even bigger ripoff personally, but ymmv, it does do a lot.

[Konchog Thogme Jampa]

You can rent Photoshop on Adobe Creative Cloud it’s quite cheap and fine to do

I think it’s an even bigger ripoff personally, but ymmv, it does do a lot.

I prefer the rent to own models that you can get with music software but the Photography plan with Photoshop and Lightroom is only £10 per month

[PadmaVonSamba]

Hi there!
Guys, I feel absolutely terrible. Please bare with me if it's gonna be too long.
I came to the realisation (or at least it is my view on it) why have I had almost no success in my life/career so far and was not able to support myself, even after 14 years I am still dependant on my family helping me out.
I am a graphic designer and a painter and I always had to resort to borrow money for the art supplies and so on..

In around 2012, when I discovered the Dharmma, I read one advice given by The Buddha, that it is beneficial to lend money (or other resources perhaps), use that, make profit, then give back the lent resources. So I followed that advice, but to this day, for some reason(s) I am yet being able to give back what I gained from family and friends.
There are a few probable factors that may have played a role in that, that I can observe (lack of gaining any merit, due to selfish/self-centered behaviour, while simultaneously amassing karma of being dependant on others, also maybe indulgence in sexual desires - masturbation and sex with someone that loves me, but I don't), but right now I think the main obstacle was how I actually gained skills in graphic design, which also lead to my skills and actual work on paintings. And that is that I used an illegal copy of Photoshop. I can't believe I was so blind to the fact that it is stealing.

3 years ago I attributed that to my lack of success, so I erased all my work that I have done using Photoshop (from IG and my website), dumped all my paintings (because I used Photoshop to transfer the drawings onto canvas) and started fresh and anew, using free software called Krita.
And now, after I've painted around 15 paintings (I also work very slowly) I had another 'realisation'... is that, without Photoshop (which I learned by using a pirated copy) I probably wouldn't know how to use Krita, that when I use it, I still think in terms of "what is the tool that is the equivalent in Photoshop".. that means it has that karmic trace of using an illegal product.

Now I am devasted and on the verge of destroying my paintings (2-3 years worth of work) because I am afraid it will only create more suffering and misery, due to the traces of negative karma.
What do you guys think I should do? Dump these paintings once again and start anew, without using any graphic software... or? I really don't know of anything else to do... Or should I try and get a different job completely?

Sorry again if it was unnecessarilly long..

Thank you all so much for your suggestions...

I also work as a professional graphic artist. So, first, from one to another, just let me say that there’s a lot of free software out there with which you can do just about everything.

Speaking as a graphic artist and as a Buddhist, let me just say DON’T start destroying stuff!

And speaking just as a Buddhist, I will ask you to let go of all that superstitious nonsense. Buddhism teaches that everything is a product of cause-and-result. But not everything you feel guilty about is automatically the cause for everything disagreeable in your life.

Your success as an artist has nothing to do with the legal or pirated status of your tools, or whether you play with yourself or not. It has to do with your networking and marketing skills, which are skills that professional artists need, but which are not artistic skills (and which has nothing to do with what graphic software you use).

About ten years ago, I designed a graphic project for a Buddhist fundraiser, to support a girl’s monastery in Sikkim. A generous donor put up the money (a few thousand dollars) but in the process of transferring some Tibetan text (a mantra) from one program to another, due to my error, one of the letters morphed into a different letter. Let’s say, sort of the equivalent of “OM” turning into “QM”, and the mistake wasn’t detected until after printing, so it was all a waste.
It took me about 10 years before I could finally pay back the donor, but I did, and that money was sent to the monastery.

So, don’t get discouraged or start destroying stuff. Be patient, get better at your craft, maybe offer to do some Dharma projects for your local temple.

[Johnny Dangerous]

You can rent Photoshop on Adobe Creative Cloud it’s quite cheap and fine to do

I think it’s an even bigger ripoff personally, but ymmv, it does do a lot.

I prefer the rent to own models that you can get with music software but the Photography plan with Photoshop and Lightroom is only £10 per month

To me the idea that you will have paid hundreds of dollars for renting it for a number of years is absolutely ridiculous. It’s nothing new from Adobe though, even before that was an option it was overpriced.