How does one cope with anger?

General discussion, particularly exploring the Dharma in the modern world.
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JG1997
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How does one cope with anger?

Post by JG1997 »

My first real topic! Uhhh im so excited! :twothumbsup:
How do you cope with anger? Or is it possible to controll, even subdue it?

While meditation reduces my anxiety, my anger management isn't controlled a bit. Escpecially today I got stressed a lot and I could feel my anger rising. Controlled breathing helps to calm me down but it doesn't feel like a permanent solution.
Thank you in advance for your thought and anwsers!

-JG
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

JG1997 wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 2:14 pm My first real topic! Uhhh im so excited! :twothumbsup:
How do you cope with anger? Or is it possible to controll, even subdue it?

While meditation reduces my anxiety, my anger management isn't controlled a bit. Escpecially today I got stressed a lot and I could feel my anger rising. Controlled breathing helps to calm me down but it doesn't feel like a permanent solution.
Thank you in advance for your thought and anwsers!

-JG
Ultimately, the source of anger is self-grasping.
Unfortunately, this is not useful information for most people, because not self-grasping is difficult at first. But if you can see that the issue behind anger is usually “this isn’t the way that I want things to be” then you can overcome it by focusing on letting go of self-grasping.
It doesn’t matter that your anger may be and prob as it is justified. Thats merely a concurrent fact. This issue is about how you respond to things, not about the things the were markers that you are responding to.
Otherwise, meditating yo calm down or whatever is okay but it’s a temporary fix.
EMPTIFUL.
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Jokingfish
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by Jokingfish »

Do great sages like buddha ever get angry?
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

Jokingfish wrote: Sat Oct 01, 2022 1:14 pm Do great sages like buddha ever get angry?
Anger is just one of many ways to respond to any situation. So, it’s not like getting hit by a car or catching a cold, that you have very little control over (even though many people believe they have no mental / emotional control).

If we regard “getting angry” as losing control of one’s mind, then a Buddha probably isn’t ever going to do that.

But “control” doesn’t mean to suppress anger (or any emotion). It means to control the way ink is controlled through a pen. The pen doesn’t block the ink from flowing. But it directs the ink accordingly.
It means mastery over one’s thoughts so that they are not pushing you this way and that way helplessly. You are in control of your emotions, and not the other way around.

In Tibetan Buddhism it is believed that Buddhas can take the form of wrathful deities for the purpose of destroying negative mental states. But they don’t lose control of what they are doing.
EMPTIFUL.
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Jokingfish
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by Jokingfish »

Can you say any good example of what is good mind mastery?

This ink flow idea doesn't ring much to me.

I like Buddhas thought that the anger from others isnt his anger if he doesn't accept it, maybe you have some comments on this?

Ty.
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

Jokingfish wrote: Wed Oct 19, 2022 6:20 pm Can you say any good example of what is good mind mastery?

This ink flow idea doesn't ring much to me.

I like Buddhas thought that the anger from others isnt his anger if he doesn't accept it, maybe you have some comments on this?

Ty.
Mastery over one’s thoughts and emotions means that you see them arising but you don’t just automatically act upon them.

It’s no different really than say, being at a dinner and they put some kind of delicious food on the table, and you think “oh wow, I can’t wait to try that!” but you don’t just grab for it, do you? You know that you want it, but you wait for everybody to be seated and maybe politely pass the food around.

Now, if you watch dogs eat, unless they’ve been trained otherwise, they just dig right in and gulp everything down as quickly as they can. This is like the way people often react to situations, especially to things that give rise to anger. They just immediately start yelling back or whatever.

The example of ink flowing through a pen refers to the fact that the ink isn’t stopped from flowing. You don’t have to block your feelings. All you need to really fo is to acknowledge them, maybe thinking “I am angry about this” but then examining the anger itself. How much of it is the result of self-grasping? How much is it about some trivial thing that won’t even matter tomorrow?

I’ve heard the thing about not accepting anger just as you wouldn’t accept a bad gift. It’s that how it goes? It’s good advice.
EMPTIFUL.
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Ayu
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by Ayu »

JG1997 wrote: Wed Sep 28, 2022 2:14 pm My first real topic! Uhhh im so excited! :twothumbsup:
How do you cope with anger? Or is it possible to controll, even subdue it?

While meditation reduces my anxiety, my anger management isn't controlled a bit. Escpecially today I got stressed a lot and I could feel my anger rising. Controlled breathing helps to calm me down but it doesn't feel like a permanent solution.
Thank you in advance for your thought and anwsers!

-JG
Maybe you need another method against anger. Subduing is no good idea.
For me, analytical and mind-cleansing methods of meditation are working well.

https://thubtenchodron.org/books/working-with-anger/
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

Jokingfish wrote: Wed Oct 19, 2022 6:20 pm Can you say any good example of what is good mind mastery?
Also, perhaps you could give an example of when anger has arisen recently.
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Jokingfish
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by Jokingfish »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Thu Oct 20, 2022 1:16 pm
Jokingfish wrote: Wed Oct 19, 2022 6:20 pm Can you say any good example of what is good mind mastery?
Also, perhaps you could give an example of when anger has arisen recently.
Well, anger comes basically any time, like writing can make me a little agitated because you need to concentrate and make it done, i mean im not actually angry, but theres some anger in basically all i do if that makes sense. Maybe this isn't exactly anger but unsatisfactory feelings.

I don't think i want to speak on more serious anger, it's all just not knowing yourself enough i believe. Anger is just lost control and blame to someone else, just not knowing yourself, or is there more to it..?
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

Jokingfish wrote: Thu Oct 20, 2022 5:36 pm Well, anger comes basically any time, like writing can make me a little agitated because you need to concentrate and make it done, i mean im not actually angry, but theres some anger in basically all i do if that makes sense. Maybe this isn't exactly anger but unsatisfactory feelings.
Doesn’t sound like anger.
EMPTIFUL.
An inward outlook produces outward insight.
Kjigme
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Re: How does one cope with anger?

Post by Kjigme »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Thu Oct 20, 2022 3:13 am
Jokingfish wrote: Wed Oct 19, 2022 6:20 pm Can you say any good example of what is good mind mastery?

This ink flow idea doesn't ring much to me.

I like Buddhas thought that the anger from others isnt his anger if he doesn't accept it, maybe you have some comments on this?

Ty.
Mastery over one’s thoughts and emotions means that you see them arising but you don’t just automatically act upon them.

It’s no different really than say, being at a dinner and they put some kind of delicious food on the table, and you think “oh wow, I can’t wait to try that!” but you don’t just grab for it, do you? You know that you want it, but you wait for everybody to be seated and maybe politely pass the food around.

Now, if you watch dogs eat, unless they’ve been trained otherwise, they just dig right in and gulp everything down as quickly as they can. This is like the way people often react to situations, especially to things that give rise to anger. They just immediately start yelling back or whatever.

The example of ink flowing through a pen refers to the fact that the ink isn’t stopped from flowing. You don’t have to block your feelings. All you need to really fo is to acknowledge them, maybe thinking “I am angry about this” but then examining the anger itself. How much of it is the result of self-grasping? How much is it about some trivial thing that won’t even matter tomorrow?

I’ve heard the thing about not accepting anger just as you wouldn’t accept a bad gift. It’s that how it goes? It’s good advice.
:good:
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