Healing from past spiritual hurts

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Sunrise
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Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by Sunrise »

A long time ago I got involved with a spiritual group that had, shall we say, "issues". At the time, I didn't know what I had got involved in. The internet was around at the time, but wasn't as widely used as it is now. I saw some red flags (now that I know better), but I was too naïve and trusting. I eventually found out more about that group and left.

Then I moved to a smaller area that basically had only one meditation group. Even though it wasn't my style, it was a chance to do collective meditation with others in a non-threatening environment, and I continued my own practices solo for years.

Now I have the opportunity to join new sanghas that are more my path, but I have a lot of fear resurfacing. Now I know to look up everything I can, go really slow, look for red flags, ask questions, etc. But I'm so gripped with fear. Fear that I'll make a mistake again. Fear that I'll end up trusting the wrong people.

Just wondering if anyone's gone through this before, and what you did to heal? Thanks.
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Budai
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Re: Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by Budai »

Spirituality has never let me down, only non-Spiritual people who tried to tarnish certain paths have hurt me. I'm sorry you have had difficulties.

Anyways whatever you experienced, disagreed with, or now don't want in your life, put it away as the past and don't return to it by associating it with who you think you are. Dissolve your perception of Self, and dwell in Anatta. If there is something you start to realize in the past may actually have been worthwhile as you progress on the Path you truly want to be on, which is yours for the choosing, accept that mindfully. Even misguided religiosity can have merits, but the True Path is the Dharma and the Way of the Bodhisattva. Simply, engage yourself in Buddhism fully and you will come to lasting Peace. Buddhahood and Nibbana are the answer. :smile: :heart:
avatamsaka3
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Re: Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by avatamsaka3 »

You can't find refuge in samsara. Refuge is cultivated in the heart. Study refuge in depth. It will pay off. It's an important thing I'm doing these days. I'll be continuing this until I don't have to anymore. It's not something that can be skimmed over in five minutes. Ultimately, Buddhism is about cultivating a good heart. Some people will puke when they read that; some people will take issue with my use of the word "heart". But I find this to be a useful starting point. So then, the question I ask isn't "How can I find the right group of people to be among?" But rather, "Through what means can I develop a good heart?"
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Re: Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by Schrödinger’s Yidam »

Sunrise, when I read your post I wanted to respond but could not think of an appropriate way to do it. The post above mine comes as close as I can imagine.

In any event know your hurt has been heard and understood.
1.The problem isn’t ‘ignorance’. The problem is the mind you have right now. (H.H. Karmapa XVII @NYC 2/4/18)
2. I support Mingyur R and HHDL in their positions against lama abuse.
3. Student: Lama, I thought I might die but then I realized that the 3 Jewels would protect me.
Lama: Even If you had died the 3 Jewels would still have protected you. (DW post by Fortyeightvows)
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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by Johnny Dangerous »

Sunrise wrote: Sun Dec 20, 2020 3:15 am A long time ago I got involved with a spiritual group that had, shall we say, "issues". At the time, I didn't know what I had got involved in. The internet was around at the time, but wasn't as widely used as it is now. I saw some red flags (now that I know better), but I was too naïve and trusting. I eventually found out more about that group and left.

Then I moved to a smaller area that basically had only one meditation group. Even though it wasn't my style, it was a chance to do collective meditation with others in a non-threatening environment, and I continued my own practices solo for years.

Now I have the opportunity to join new sanghas that are more my path, but I have a lot of fear resurfacing. Now I know to look up everything I can, go really slow, look for red flags, ask questions, etc. But I'm so gripped with fear. Fear that I'll make a mistake again. Fear that I'll end up trusting the wrong people.

Just wondering if anyone's gone through this before, and what you did to heal? Thanks.
One cardinal rule might be: Spend time with people who do not "trade" good deeds with you, where the expectations are low, and the acceptance is high. In my experience people who are well established in the Dharma will have few expectations of you, and are willing to share without asking for a lot in return. I think it's a good sign with people in general if they are this way, but with a Dharma group that is serious practitioners, it should be standard amongst senior students and teachers. If it's not, I'd keep looking.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

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Ayu
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Re: Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by Ayu »

Sunrise wrote: Sun Dec 20, 2020 3:15 am A long time ago I got involved with a spiritual group that had, shall we say, "issues". At the time, I didn't know what I had got involved in. The internet was around at the time, but wasn't as widely used as it is now. I saw some red flags (now that I know better), but I was too naïve and trusting. I eventually found out more about that group and left.

Then I moved to a smaller area that basically had only one meditation group. Even though it wasn't my style, it was a chance to do collective meditation with others in a non-threatening environment, and I continued my own practices solo for years.

Now I have the opportunity to join new sanghas that are more my path, but I have a lot of fear resurfacing. Now I know to look up everything I can, go really slow, look for red flags, ask questions, etc. But I'm so gripped with fear. Fear that I'll make a mistake again. Fear that I'll end up trusting the wrong people.

Just wondering if anyone's gone through this before, and what you did to heal? Thanks.
I don't know if my experiences are comparable. Maybe you had to undergo more severe circumstances than I did.
But my story is similar. After being quite brainwashed for about 10 years of staying within a hinduist sect, I cut all contacts to them and meditated in solitude. That wasn't always inspiring but I never left my spiritual path completely. Then suddenly in sitting meditation I dreamed of my buddhist teacher from a former life. And I felt attracted to the Dalai Lama.

I thought now it was time to leave my lonely path and a sangha was needed.
I found a community which is connected to HHDL and my steps toward the resident teacher were always, even 10 years later, very very cautious. I move forward as slow and cautious as if I was walking with bare feet over a field of stones. Now in review I think, this is a very good way of proceeding on a spiritual path. Every phase of doubt lead me to better understanding about what I am doing there.

I believe, you need to accept your fear in first place. Look at it. Compare the old situation to the new one and discover the differences. Be cautious, slow and factual. Observe your mind and learn in which case your gut feeling is true and in which case it is only paranoia.
This can be a precious tool. And it is helpful to learn to meditate about those problems. Often the deeper answer is surprisingly different from the superficial one.
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Re: Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by Hazel »

Sunrise wrote: Sun Dec 20, 2020 3:15 am A long time ago I got involved with a spiritual group that had, shall we say, "issues". At the time, I didn't know what I had got involved in. The internet was around at the time, but wasn't as widely used as it is now. I saw some red flags (now that I know better), but I was too naïve and trusting. I eventually found out more about that group and left.

Then I moved to a smaller area that basically had only one meditation group. Even though it wasn't my style, it was a chance to do collective meditation with others in a non-threatening environment, and I continued my own practices solo for years.

Now I have the opportunity to join new sanghas that are more my path, but I have a lot of fear resurfacing. Now I know to look up everything I can, go really slow, look for red flags, ask questions, etc. But I'm so gripped with fear. Fear that I'll make a mistake again. Fear that I'll end up trusting the wrong people.

Just wondering if anyone's gone through this before, and what you did to heal? Thanks.
A therapist. We never worked on spiritual hangups, but as I processed my trauma, spiritual paths opened up.

I was not involved with a group, but rather a specific individual who I looked to for instruction and guidance. But these things leave scars that western psychology can be good at addressing.
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Sunrise
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Re: Healing from past spiritual hurts

Post by Sunrise »

Thank you everyone for the kind and helpful responses. :namaste:
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