How are you preparing for death?

[mirrormind]

Sentient beings are dying all around us all the time. If we are lucky, we are somewhat shielded from confronting this harsh reality until later in life. But eventually the finality of losing loved ones close to one's heart will catch up with everyone. So this topic, unlike us, never gets old.

I don't think Dzongsar Khyentse's book "Living is Dying" has been mentioned yet. It should answer a lot of questions around preparing for death, one's own and that of others:
- Simple Practices to Prepare for Death
- How Buddhists Prepare for Death
- How to Be with the Dying
- What to Say to a Dying Person
- Questions About Caring for the Dying and the Dead
- What to Do After Death
- About Practices for the Dead
and much more.

[mystic_poet]

i read bardo thödol and other holy books. alao meditate and try to help people.

[clyde]

How are you preparing for death?

A question that deserves an honest answer.

At 75 and in the midst of deciding if, after two surgeries, I undergo radiation treatment for a reoccurring cancer, I can say that “preparing” depends on age and circumstances.

From the time my wife and I married in our mid-30s, we saved for retirement. In our 50s, we had a Living Trust and Health Care Directives made, and in our early 60s we arranged for cremation. I guess the ‘proper’ answer is “to put one’s affairs in order.”

We’ve talked about death, even joked about it, and have accepted our eventual demise as the natural course it is. Another Zen story that I read 50 years ago in Zen Flesh, Zen Bones and has stuck with me is this:

78. Real Prosperity

A rich man asked Sengai to write something for the continued prosperity of his family so that it might be treasured from generation to generation.

Sengai obtained a large sheet of paper and wrote: "Father dies, son dies, grandson dies."

The rich man became angry. "I asked you to write something for the happiness of my family! Why do you make such a joke as this?"

"No joke is intended," explained Sengai. "If before you yourself die your son should die, this would grieve you greatly. If your grandson should pass away before your son, both of you would be broken-hearted. If your family, generation after generation, passes away in the order I have named, it will be the natural course of life. I call this real prosperity."

And I’m reminded of a Dharma talk (and later essay) by Norman Fischer about his departed spiritual brother, Rabbi Lew and the ‘lesson’ Rabbi Lew learned from a death of someone he was transacting a purchase with - “When you’re dead, you can’t do anything.” (Here’s a link to the Dharma talk: https://everydayzen.org/teachings/in-me ... s-passing/ and the article Suffering Opens The Real Path)

I’m not much for ceremony, rites and rituals, or traditions, but in the Zen tradition I have composed a Death Poem, actually Death Poems as I’ve rewritten them over the years (which is also traditional). And given my current circumstances, I’m likely to rewrite it again.

So, how does one prepare for death? By letting go.

[Kim O'Hara]

... in the Zen tradition I have composed a Death Poem, actually Death Poems as I’ve rewritten them over the years (which is also traditional). ...

Death Poems are important in one of the series by Pattison which starts with Skull Mantra - https://www.bookdepository.com/Skull-Ma ... 0312385392 - although I can't remember which one.

It's the only time I've come across the idea in Tibetan Buddhism so I don't know whether it's legitimately part of the tradition.


Kim

[HePo]

How are you preparing for death?

A question that deserves an honest answer.

At 75 and in the midst of deciding if, after two surgeries, I undergo radiation treatment for a reoccurring cancer, I can say that “preparing” depends on age and circumstances.

From the time my wife and I married in our mid-30s, we saved for retirement. In our 50s, we had a Living Trust and Health Care Directives made, and in our early 60s we arranged for cremation. I guess the ‘proper’ answer is “to put one’s affairs in order.”

We’ve talked about death, even joked about it, and have accepted our eventual demise as the natural course it is. Another Zen story that I read 50 years ago in Zen Flesh, Zen Bones and has stuck with me is this:

78. Real Prosperity

A rich man asked Sengai to write something for the continued prosperity of his family so that it might be treasured from generation to generation.

Sengai obtained a large sheet of paper and wrote: "Father dies, son dies, grandson dies."

The rich man became angry. "I asked you to write something for the happiness of my family! Why do you make such a joke as this?"

"No joke is intended," explained Sengai. "If before you yourself die your son should die, this would grieve you greatly. If your grandson should pass away before your son, both of you would be broken-hearted. If your family, generation after generation, passes away in the order I have named, it will be the natural course of life. I call this real prosperity."

And I’m reminded of a Dharma talk (and later essay) by Norman Fischer about his departed spiritual brother, Rabbi Lew and the ‘lesson’ Rabbi Lew learned from a death of someone he was transacting a purchase with - “When you’re dead, you can’t do anything.” (Here’s a link to the Dharma talk: https://everydayzen.org/teachings/in-me ... s-passing/ and the article Suffering Opens The Real Path)

I’m not much for ceremony, rites and rituals, or traditions, but in the Zen tradition I have composed a Death Poem, actually Death Poems as I’ve rewritten them over the years (which is also traditional). And given my current circumstances, I’m likely to rewrite it again.

So, how does one prepare for death? By letting go.

Perhaps of interest to you - Japanese Death Poems: Written by Zen Monks and Haiku Poets on the Verge of Death compiled by Yoel Hoffmann.
I have an older hardcover copy - about 40 pages are poems by Zen monks .

[Kai lord]

How are you preparing for death?

By attempting to master my sleep and dreams

[Malcolm]

... in the Zen tradition I have composed a Death Poem, actually Death Poems as I’ve rewritten them over the years (which is also traditional). ...

Death Poems are important in one of the series by Pattison which starts with Skull Mantra - https://www.bookdepository.com/Skull-Ma ... 0312385392 - although I can't remember which one.

It's the only time I've come across the idea in Tibetan Buddhism so I don't know whether it's legitimately part of the tradition.


Kim

There are such things as last testaments (zhal chems), which are usually uttered in verse, so, it is quite common.

[celticvoice]

I read that we can prepare by visualizing the sacred guru overhead. I read this in Padampa Sangay’s last teaching to the people of Tingri. I am wondering if there is a particular method for doing this.

[Qwertyportne]

My preparation for death and dying became a set of questions I was compelled to answer for both practical and spiritual reasons.

Who gets everything you own when you die?
My wife.

How will your wife survive after you're dead?
Her memories, friends, investments and part-time job at Target.

How will you manage your suffering when you are dying?
My wife's bedside comfort, my tolerance to pain and morphine.

What happens to your body when you're dead?
Morgue => Cremation => Ashes => Urn => ?

Where does your mind go when your brain dies?
Into the collective consciousness? The Bardo? Poof? Who knows?

Where will you be remembered?
My website, my scrapbook, my friends, my wife's heart and mind.

How are you dealing with the fact that someday you will be dead?
I'm focused on living fully, loving well and paying attention to things that matter in the here and now. Every morning, when I wake up from the death of sleep and see my wife smiling at me, I know it's gonna be a lovely day!

How will you deal with death when you know you are dying?
Life is in the journey, not in the destination, so I'll be sad it's almost over but glad it happened, and try to let go courageously rather than rage against the dying of the light.

How are you dealing with theories about life after death?
Heaven, hell, shoal, nirvana, karmic rebirth, cosmic consciousness and other religious philosophies are answers too fixed, immutable, full of certainty and empty of evidence for me to take seriously, so I embrace uncertainty, knowing there are no absolute yes or no answers to whether or not my body and/or my mind (Self) will exist in some state beyond this life.

[reiun]

My preparation for death and dying became a set of questions I was compelled to answer for both practical and spiritual reasons.

Who gets everything you own when you die?
My wife.

How will your wife survive after you're dead?
Her memories, friends, investments and part-time job at Target.

How will you manage your suffering when you are dying?
My wife's bedside comfort, my tolerance to pain and morphine.

What happens to your body when you're dead?
Morgue => Cremation => Ashes => Urn => ?

Where does your mind go when your brain dies?
Into the collective consciousness? The Bardo? Poof? Who knows?

Where will you be remembered?
My website, my scrapbook, my friends, my wife's heart and mind.

How are you dealing with the fact that someday you will be dead?
I'm focused on living fully, loving well and paying attention to things that matter in the here and now. Every morning, when I wake up from the death of sleep and see my wife smiling at me, I know it's gonna be a lovely day!

How will you deal with death when you know you are dying?
Life is in the journey, not in the destination, so I'll be sad it's almost over but glad it happened, and try to let go courageously rather than rage against the dying of the light.

How are you dealing with theories about life after death?
Heaven, hell, shoal, nirvana, karmic rebirth, cosmic consciousness and other religious philosophies are answers too fixed, immutable, full of certainty and empty of evidence for me to take seriously, so I embrace uncertainty, knowing there are no absolute yes or no answers to whether or not my body and/or my mind (Self) will exist in some state beyond this life.

Not a single thing here for this 74-yr-old to disagree with.

Only, perhaps: when you're dead, you're dead: like a trout in mud.