How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

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bcol01
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How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by bcol01 »

I've discussed my fears of being cheated on with my partner. He's given me no reason to suspect. He's just super social and attractive and maybe I'm insecure--def something to work on. But I was just wondering, has anyone here experienced these emotions in relation to their significant other and if so, how did you deal with them without ruining your relationship or driving your partner away?
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Virgo
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by Virgo »

bcol01 wrote: Fri Jul 01, 2022 7:26 pm I've discussed my fears of being cheated on with my partner. He's given me no reason to suspect. He's just super social and attractive and maybe I'm insecure--def something to work on. But I was just wondering, has anyone here experienced these emotions in relation to their significant other and if so, how did you deal with them without ruining your relationship or driving your partner away?
In general, before things go anywhere in the bedroom, before you move in with each other, before you make any joint financial ventures, and so on, trust must be established. If you cannot establish that, your relationship is a pointless endeavor.

And for god's sake please don't meet anybody on those stupid dating apps.

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bcol01
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by bcol01 »

The distrust stems from my own issues. He isn't doing anything to make me distrust him.
Virgo wrote: Fri Jul 01, 2022 7:40 pm
bcol01 wrote: Fri Jul 01, 2022 7:26 pm I've discussed my fears of being cheated on with my partner. He's given me no reason to suspect. He's just super social and attractive and maybe I'm insecure--def something to work on. But I was just wondering, has anyone here experienced these emotions in relation to their significant other and if so, how did you deal with them without ruining your relationship or driving your partner away?
In general, before things go anywhere in the bedroom, before you move in with each other, before you make any joint financial ventures, and so on, trust must be established. If you cannot establish that, your relationship is a pointless endeavor.

And for god's sake please don't meet anybody on those stupid dating apps.

Virgo
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Virgo
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by Virgo »

bcol01 wrote: Fri Jul 01, 2022 7:53 pm The distrust stems from my own issues. He isn't doing anything to make me distrust him.
Then you should communicate with him about your concerns this way you can dispel any worries that you may have.

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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

jealousy is insecurity rooted in low self esteem.
EMPTIFUL.
An inward outlook produces outward insight.
reiun
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by reiun »

Paranoia or other MH issues are best addressed with a MH professional.

Best wishes
ronnymarsh
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by ronnymarsh »

So this kind of subject is not within the scope of Buddhism.

Buddhism is a religion, and as such its questions are religious and philosophical.
This kind of thinking must be followed up with a suitable professional.

This is the advice that a Buddhist can give, try to talk to a psychologist (or more than one) and get close to good friends, people who are open to help you and who are trustworthy, and with your family.
blazer
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by blazer »

bcol01 wrote: Fri Jul 01, 2022 7:26 pm I've discussed my fears of being cheated on with my partner. He's given me no reason to suspect. He's just super social and attractive and maybe I'm insecure--def something to work on. But I was just wondering, has anyone here experienced these emotions in relation to their significant other and if so, how did you deal with them without ruining your relationship or driving your partner away?
Straight forward communication is the best way.
If you recognize that the basis of a love relationship ( actually, of any relationship ) is taking care of the other one,
you will find he will be very happy to stop your suffering, dedicating much time dissipating your doubts, striving in many ways to bring peace in your life and mind.

In any case, take responsibility of your choice, and consider it is possible you are right.
And in such case, it happens and has to be accepted.
You ( and me ) are not special, and this kind of stuff may happen.
And it's ok. There are cases people suffer MUCH more.
Natan
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by Natan »

bcol01 wrote: Fri Jul 01, 2022 7:26 pm I've discussed my fears of being cheated on with my partner. He's given me no reason to suspect. He's just super social and attractive and maybe I'm insecure--def something to work on. But I was just wondering, has anyone here experienced these emotions in relation to their significant other and if so, how did you deal with them without ruining your relationship or driving your partner away?
I've dealt with this emotion. I rely on Buddhism. The destiny of any meeting is parting. No one knows when. So give up worrying about it and that makes you stronger, more desirable and less likely to be cheated on. And if it does happen, you won't be surprised or be hurt too much. Such a person will always be in short relationships.
Last edited by Natan on Wed Jul 13, 2022 7:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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prsvrnc
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Re: How does one deal with paranoia and fear of being cheated on in a relationship?

Post by prsvrnc »

Have you looked into attachment styles? It's possible that you have an insecure attachment style. There's some great books that outline helpful techniques how to work with insecure/anxious attachment and a therapist could help as well.

I might recommend:
Attached: Are you Anxious, Avoidant or Secure? How the science of adult attachment can help you find – and keep – love
by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller

If you're more familiar or want to jump right to helpful techniques, I might recommend:
Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It
by Leslie Becker-Phelps PhD
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