Developing Patience

General discussion, particularly exploring the Dharma in the modern world.
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Hazel
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Developing Patience

Post by Hazel »

My impatience can drive others crazy and often means I end up being rude or overwhelming. In addition to the negative effect on others, it also has a negative effect on my practice and general sanity.

How does one develop patience?

I'm too impatient not to have patience! I want it noooooowww (and a golden goose, while we're at it).
Happy Pride month to my queer dharma siblings!

What do you see when you turn out the lights?
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Kim O'Hara
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Kim O'Hara »

You're going to hate me for this, but you just have to be patient.

Seriously. It comes with practice. The more practice, the better.

The Buddhist teaching which helped me most with it was a line in the Manjushri Speech Blessing about remembering that others' aggravating speech and actions are symptoms of their suffering and should be met with compassion, not reciprocal aggro. (My words, obviously, because I haven't needed to look at it for years.)

IRL, spending years teaching small (and not-so-small) children gave me more practice than any (un)reasonable person should ever need. :rolleye:
But I did get good at it!

:namaste:
Kim
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Ayu
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Ayu »

Hazel wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 3:18 am My impatience can drive others crazy and often means I end up being rude or overwhelming. In addition to the negative effect on others, it also has a negative effect on my practice and general sanity.

How does one develop patience?

I'm too impatient not to have patience! I want it noooooowww (and a golden goose, while we're at it).
I know from own experience what you are talking about. Patience seems to be a skill from another planet in these moments. For me, two approaches are helpful.

1) Observe how impatience arises. Which thoughts exactly? It was surprising to see that it starts way sooner than I thought.

2) Check if the impatience-avoking thoughts are valid/true. Often there is something unjustified behind it. Then try a change of perspective. There are benevolent appreciating perspectives as true as any other thoughts.

This positive thinking has to be true. Otherwise it cannot work.
Giovanni
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Giovanni »

I find that turning from the thing that I am being impatient about and resting on the breath very useful.
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KeithA
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by KeithA »

Hazel wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 3:18 am My impatience can drive others crazy and often means I end up being rude or overwhelming. In addition to the negative effect on others, it also has a negative effect on my practice and general sanity.

How does one develop patience?

I'm too impatient not to have patience! I want it noooooowww (and a golden goose, while we're at it).
Gratitude is the antidote to impatience. Impatience is a selfish desire that arises because we aren't getting what we want, when we want it. Being grateful for what already have tempers that.

Not suggesting I have mastered this, because I certainly haven't! That's why we call it "practice", I guess. :)

Good luck,
Keith
When walking, standing, sitting, lying down, speaking,
being silent, moving, being still.
At all times, in all places, without interruption - what is this?
One mind is infinite kalpas.

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明安 Myoan
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by 明安 Myoan »

Try reading Chapter 6 on the Perfection of Patience from Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life.
Namu Amida Butsu
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

The practice of patience is the practice of generosity, except with time rather than with tangible substances.
Since time cannot be replaced or recovered, practicing patience is the supreme form of generosity.
Since the practice of generosity is the quickest way to realize non-attachment, non-self-grasping, then the practice of patience is the of course a most efficient means.
EMPTIFUL.
An inward outlook produces outward insight.
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Hazel
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Hazel »

Thank you all for your replies!
Happy Pride month to my queer dharma siblings!

What do you see when you turn out the lights?
Natan
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Natan »

Hazel wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 3:18 am My impatience can drive others crazy and often means I end up being rude or overwhelming. In addition to the negative effect on others, it also has a negative effect on my practice and general sanity.

How does one develop patience?

I'm too impatient not to have patience! I want it noooooowww (and a golden goose, while we're at it).
It helps to observe the effect impatience has on those you care about. The suffering of impatience is ultimately born by you, like when trust in a relationship is lost...
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明安 Myoan
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by 明安 Myoan »

Some of my favorite Lojong slogans for anger and its desaturated friend impatience:
Regard all dharmas as dreams.
When the world is filled with evil, transform all mishaps into the path of bodhi.
Drive all blame into oneself.
Whatever you meet unexpectedly, join with meditation.
If you can practice even when distracted, you are well trained.
Don't talk about injured limbs.
Don't ponder others.
Abandon any hope of fruition.
Abandon poisonous food.
Don't be so predictable.
Don't malign others.
Don't bring things to a painful point.
Don't try to be the fastest.
Always meditate on whatever provokes resentment.
Don't be swayed by external circumstances.
This time, practice the main points.
Don't wallow in self-pity.
Don't expect applause.
I love when one of these comes to mind just as something makes my blood temperature rise.
It's like a strongly worded warning from a friend.

edit: Don't forget the Wheel of Sharp Weapons :smile:
Namu Amida Butsu
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Konchog Thogme Jampa
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Konchog Thogme Jampa »

Hazel wrote: Mon Nov 29, 2021 3:18 am My impatience can drive others crazy and often means I end up being rude or overwhelming. In addition to the negative effect on others, it also has a negative effect on my practice and general sanity.

How does one develop patience?

I'm too impatient not to have patience! I want it noooooowww (and a golden goose, while we're at it).
I think a key part with patience is resilience when circumstances are difficult we need to apply patience in the moment.

Also HEGR said many times patience will protect your love when someone or something comes along and knocks it out of you

Which being Samsara tends to happen :mrgreen:
Bazman
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Bazman »

I think the pause is key. Just pause and think ahead.
As i get older i think ahead to the shit that will come if i react like a grinch.
I think also to realise the voice that is impatient is just a voice. Not real.
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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Developing Patience

Post by Johnny Dangerous »

Cultivate equanimity.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

-Khunu Lama
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