The ego

General discussion, particularly exploring the Dharma in the modern world.
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Bazman
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The ego

Post by Bazman »

My wife doesn't take any interest in me. Is this just the ego complaing?
Am I just to be in suffering until I transcend it?
Help
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Hazel
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Re: The ego

Post by Hazel »

I have struggled with similar things with my spouse and, I'm sorry to say this, but this may be something that is best to work through with a mental health professional. The internet is a bad place to get life-advice. We don't know enough about your life to make meaningful comments about your marriage. Even if we did, most of us here are not experts at worldly affairs or counseling others through them.
Happy Pride month to my queer dharma siblings!

What do you see when you turn out the lights?
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Supramundane
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Re: The ego

Post by Supramundane »

Bazman wrote: Mon May 24, 2021 9:22 pm My wife doesn't take any interest in me. Is this just the ego complaing?
Am I just to be in suffering until I transcend it?
Help
Bro, never chase s woman. It is the beginning of the end.

Why not make her chase you:)
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Budai
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Re: The ego

Post by Budai »

It’s very good that you care about the relationship. At least understand that you have true feelings for her and that’s very important. I hope you get it worked out, marriage is certainly one of the most important parts of Layman and Laywoman life.
Last edited by Ayu on Tue May 25, 2021 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Sorry, I deleted one sentence of selfmade dharma teaching.
muni
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Re: The ego

Post by muni »

Bazman wrote: Mon May 24, 2021 9:22 pm My wife doesn't take any interest in me. Is this just the ego complaing?
Am I just to be in suffering until I transcend it?
Help
"Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other."
~ His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Talk for the sake of mutual interest.
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: The ego

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

Bazman wrote: Mon May 24, 2021 9:22 pm My wife doesn't take any interest in me. Is this just the ego complaining?
Are you saying she lost interest in you or in your ego?
Am I just to be in suffering until I transcend it?
Probably.
EMPTIFUL.
An inward outlook produces outward insight.
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Sādhaka
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Re: The ego

Post by Sādhaka »

Well anything related to impure (autocorrect changed it to impute; which would actually work here) karmic vision would be an ‘crystallization’ of egoic mind.

As for the topic of your wife (not) paying attention to you; well, anything I’d have to say about it, probably wouldn’t go over very well here. :techproblem: :coffee:
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Supramundane
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Re: The ego

Post by Supramundane »

Trust me bro --- i was young once.

The person in a relationship like yours who cares less has the most power.

The solution is clear: care less...

Two magic words that will carry you through....
MagnetSoulSP
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Re: The ego

Post by MagnetSoulSP »

Supramundane wrote: Wed May 26, 2021 1:51 am Trust me bro --- i was young once.

The person in a relationship like yours who cares less has the most power.

The solution is clear: care less...

Two magic words that will carry you through....
Please don't listen to this. Caring less never works out well in relationship issues. In fact it's one of the signs that a relationship is over, when you stop "fighting" and don't even care.

How about TALKING to your wife about what's about or seeking counseling? Relationships are about communication. Also what do you mean that she is taking less interest in you? There is FAR too little information here for any of us to give sound advice.
muni
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Re: The ego

Post by muni »

Supramundane wrote: Wed May 26, 2021 1:51 am Trust me bro --- i was young once.

I believe everything but that not. :D
muni
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Re: The ego

Post by muni »

The person in a relationship like yours who cares less has the most power.

The solution is clear: care less...
The more we want, hope, expect "other doing what we wish" or not doing what we wish, the more we grasp/suffer. In that way the one who cares less, has the most power.

But this does not exclude an opportunity to talk/listen/ask how are you?.

However by expectation/desire, suffering will be.
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Supramundane
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Re: The ego

Post by Supramundane »

muni wrote: Fri May 28, 2021 7:20 am
Supramundane wrote: Wed May 26, 2021 1:51 am Trust me bro --- i was young once.

I believe everything but that not. :D
hahaha

sometimes it is hard to know what to believe...

it reminds me of when i wanted to start a sarcasm club, but i couldn't tell if anyone wanted to join :tongue:
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Supramundane
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Re: The ego

Post by Supramundane »

muni wrote: Fri May 28, 2021 7:35 am
The person in a relationship like yours who cares less has the most power.

The solution is clear: care less...
The more we want, hope, expect "other doing what we wish" or not doing what we wish, the more we grasp/suffer. In that way the one who cares less, has the most power.

But this does not exclude an opportunity to talk/listen/ask how are you?.

However by expectation/desire, suffering will be.
we don't know what love is until our 40s, i think.
the blood is too hot before then. there's so much passion, ego, etc. wrapped up into it.

if your happiness is dependent upon another person, for certain, you will be chasing pain.
SM
muni
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Re: The ego

Post by muni »

if your happiness is dependent upon another person, for certain, you will be chasing pain.
Yes for sure, then the others' happiness is not our importance but our need is.

Whatever joy there is in this world All comes from desiring others to be happy, And whatever suffering there is in this world All comes from desiring myself to be happy. Shantideva
We who are like senseless children shrink from suffering, but love its causes. We hurt ourselves; our pain is self-inflicted! Why should others be the object of our anger? Shantideva
https://quotes.justdharma.com/category/shantideva/
White Lotus
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Re: The ego

Post by White Lotus »

When there is no longer experience of self, ego does not matter. It causes pain but not suffering.
in any matters of importance. dont rely on me. i may not know what i am talking about. take what i say as mere speculation. i am not ordained. nor do i have a formal training. i do believe though that if i am wrong on any point. there are those on this site who i hope will quickly point out my mistakes.
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