Buddhism and assertiveness

General discussion, particularly exploring the Dharma in the modern world.
Post Reply
User avatar
Sunrise
Posts: 113
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2020 5:55 am

Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by Sunrise »

Does anyone know of some Buddhist sources on the topic of assertiveness or dealing with conflict in a healthy way? Did the Buddha address the issue of standing up for yourself? Thanks.
User avatar
PadmaVonSamba
Posts: 9438
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 1:41 am

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

I don’t think there’s a sutra for that.
Maybe Shaolin kung fu monks know otherwise!
EMPTIFUL.
An inward outlook produces outward insight.
User avatar
Queequeg
Former staff member
Posts: 14456
Joined: Tue Jul 03, 2012 3:24 pm

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by Queequeg »

Sunrise wrote: Sat Feb 06, 2021 1:16 pm Does anyone know of some Buddhist sources on the topic of assertiveness or dealing with conflict in a healthy way? Did the Buddha address the issue of standing up for yourself? Thanks.
The Buddha and many others remark, if you see reality, there won't be any impulse to conflict. As for standing up for yourself, I don't think it would be put in those terms. If you see reality, then you act in accord with reality. It doesn't make sense to act in any other way, even as one adapts themselves to avoid conflict. One just looks at the person all wound up asserting their Truth and shrugs because, what else is there to say or do? If you see reality, know it, then what is there to argue about? It would be like arguing with a person blind from birth about what the color white looks like.

I heard a story about the Dalai Lama at a tree planting ceremony in Australia and some emphatic atheist barged in on the scene, uprooted a planted tree, violently threw it on the ground while screaming about there being no truth or something along those lines. The Dalai Lama was a little surprised but once he saw what was happening just kind of chuckled and said, "Well that's one way to look at it."

That's more or less the ideal...

You might look at the Peaceful Practices (ch. 14) and Bodhisattva Sadaparibhuta (ch. 20) of the Lotus Sutra and see what they have to say about conflict.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
SilenceMonkey
Posts: 1448
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 9:54 am

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by SilenceMonkey »

If we're able to face our suffering, it will make us strong.
User avatar
Johnny Dangerous
Global Moderator
Posts: 17089
Joined: Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:58 pm
Location: Olympia WA
Contact:

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by Johnny Dangerous »

Sunrise wrote: Sat Feb 06, 2021 1:16 pm Does anyone know of some Buddhist sources on the topic of assertiveness or dealing with conflict in a healthy way? Did the Buddha address the issue of standing up for yourself? Thanks.
I don't remember the Sutta (hopefully someone does), but in it The Buddha says that as far as criticism from others goes there are basically two choices.

1) The criticism has some truth to it ("these things are found in me"), and as such you should focus on how it is true, change your behavior as needed, etc.

2) The criticism is not true "these things are not found in me", in which case the criticism stems from something other than what it's about, and can be disregarded on that issue.

For instance a common thing is someone accusing another of anger, malice etc. in this case we are instructed to just look and see if that emotion is found in us, is the other persons analysis of our mental state true, or is it their own deal?

It's a simple rule, but surprisingly challenging to put into practice.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

-Khunu Lama
Bundokji
Posts: 368
Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2018 8:51 pm

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by Bundokji »

Buddhism does not directly address every possible single issue facing humans, but offers a framework that can be applied to wide variety of contexts. Worldly knowledge lacks certainty, and depends on reason to explain phenomena. The lack of certainty is non-linear, hence usually a coherent worldly view is more capable of surviving the test of time. When beings lack direct access to each other's mental structure, assertiveness serves to signal certainty and can be used as a form of deception including avoiding conflicts.

The cleverest defenders of faith are its greatest enemies: for their subtleties engender doubt and stimulate the mind. -- Will Durant
SilenceMonkey
Posts: 1448
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2018 9:54 am

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by SilenceMonkey »

Helps me to remember that everything people say is just their projection. Sometimes we believe into other people's view and are held prisoner by it.

It's helpful for me to remember that there's always an agenda behind people's words... that agenda may serve you -- or not. Most of the time it is self-serving. Some people's ignorance is so strong that they see themselves as the center of the world, and everything they say and do will perpetuate that idea.
Last edited by SilenceMonkey on Mon Feb 08, 2021 6:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Bundokji
Posts: 368
Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2018 8:51 pm

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by Bundokji »

"So the monk approached the Great Brahma and, on arrival, said, 'Friend, where do these four great elements — the earth property, the liquid property, the fire property, and the wind property — cease without remainder?'

"When this was said, the Great Brahma said to the monk, 'I, monk, am Brahma, the Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Sovereign Lord, the Maker, Creator, Chief, Appointer and Ruler, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be.'

A second time, the monk said to the Great Brahma, 'Friend, I didn't ask you if you were Brahma, the Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Sovereign Lord, the Maker, Creator, Chief, Appointer and Ruler, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be. I asked you where these four great elements — the earth property, the liquid property, the fire property, and the wind property — cease without remainder.'

"A second time, the Great Brahma said to the monk, 'I, monk, am Brahma, the Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Sovereign Lord, the Maker, Creator, Chief, Appointer and Ruler, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be.'

"A third time, the monk said to the Great Brahma, 'Friend, I didn't ask you if you were Brahma, the Great Brahma, the Conqueror, the Unconquered, the All-Seeing, All-Powerful, the Sovereign Lord, the Maker, Creator, Chief, Appointer and Ruler, Father of All That Have Been and Shall Be. I asked you where these four great elements — the earth property, the liquid property, the fire property, and the wind property — cease without remainder.'

"Then the Great Brahma, taking the monk by the arm and leading him off to one side, said to him, 'These gods of the retinue of Brahma believe, "There is nothing that the Great Brahma does not know. There is nothing that the Great Brahma does not see. There is nothing of which the Great Brahma is unaware. There is nothing that the Great Brahma has not realized." That is why I did not say in their presence that I, too, don't know where the four great elements... cease without remainder. So you have acted wrongly, acted incorrectly, in bypassing the Blessed One in search of an answer to this question elsewhere. Go right back to the Blessed One and, on arrival, ask him this question. However he answers it, you should take it to heart.'
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .than.html
The cleverest defenders of faith are its greatest enemies: for their subtleties engender doubt and stimulate the mind. -- Will Durant
User avatar
Virgo
Posts: 4844
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 3:47 am
Location: Uni-verse

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by Virgo »

Sunrise wrote: Sat Feb 06, 2021 1:16 pm Does anyone know of some Buddhist sources on the topic of assertiveness or dealing with conflict in a healthy way? Did the Buddha address the issue of standing up for yourself? Thanks.
Even monks are allowed to physically hit back if they are being attacked, and so on.

Virgo
DharmaJunior
Posts: 580
Joined: Sat Jul 15, 2017 4:12 pm

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by DharmaJunior »

Q :Does anyone know of some Buddhist sources on the topic of assertiveness or dealing with conflict in a healthy way?

A: Make sure you have stocks of Broccoli and Carrots on hand at all times. :twothumbsup:
User avatar
Budai
Posts: 878
Joined: Fri Aug 14, 2020 1:12 pm
Location: ༀ ∞ Nam Myoho Renge Kyo ∞ ༀ

Re: Buddhism and assertiveness

Post by Budai »

Besides wonderful broccoli and carrots, you must also rely on Buddha Dharma. If your aptitude stems from the Dharma, you may be as assertive as you want, about wrongdoing needing to stop. Buddhism has to fix the world, that ia the only way we are making people Enlightened. We cannot stand by and see suffering or defeat, we have to heal and help people feel good about themselves, and Love others. You can only be fully assertive if you are fully following the Noble Eightfold Path yourself, and then you can teach it to others. Assertiveness is only about converting others to Buddhahood, in essence, and you can do this by using the Vehicle of the Dharma. Om.
Post Reply

Return to “Dharma in Everyday Life”