Running over an animal

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MagnetSoulSP
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Running over an animal

Post by MagnetSoulSP »

I killed a turtle on the road today due to my negligence and I feel awful about all of it. I went back to check on the turtle and I couldn’t stand to see it suffering, even more knowing that I did this. I felt like a monster. I never felt this level of guilty and so torn inside.

Part of me knows that no guilt will bring it back or fix things. But I don’t want to forget because I feel like that’s making too light of what I did, but beating myself over what I’ve done isn’t the answer and won’t fix it. I feel like I need to be punished, to atone for what I’ve done.

Letting go seems like the right answer but it feels like I’m getting off easy, I won’t let myself do that. I’m lost and don’t know how to process this. I feel like a hypocrite since I usually help animals cross (ESPECIALLY turtles) and wonder how could someone run over an animal. Now I feel like such a hypocrite. How can I ever call someone on it again?

What can I do? How do I proceed?
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Matt J
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by Matt J »

Stuff happens. You had no intention to kill and no joy in the result, so I wouldn't worry about it.
Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 4:35 pm I killed a turtle on the road today due to my negligence and I feel awful about all of it. I went back to check on the turtle and I couldn’t stand to see it suffering, even more knowing that I did this. I felt like a monster. I never felt this level of guilty and so torn inside.

Part of me knows that no guilt will bring it back or fix things. But I don’t want to forget because I feel like that’s making too light of what I did, but beating myself over what I’ve done isn’t the answer and won’t fix it. I feel like I need to be punished, to atone for what I’ve done.

Letting go seems like the right answer but it feels like I’m getting off easy, I won’t let myself do that. I’m lost and don’t know how to process this. I feel like a hypocrite since I usually help animals cross (ESPECIALLY turtles) and wonder how could someone run over an animal. Now I feel like such a hypocrite. How can I ever call someone on it again?

What can I do? How do I proceed?
"The world is made of stories, not atoms."
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Malcolm
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by Malcolm »

Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 4:35 pm I killed a turtle on the road today due to my negligence and I feel awful about all of it. I went back to check on the turtle and I
What can I do? How do I proceed?
Sarva dukkhaṃ, suffering is everywhere.
DharmaJunior
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by DharmaJunior »

Imagine that all the turtles you have helped want you to be stronger, including the one that expired. Be the best possible version of yourself that you can be. So now continue with the good work.
MagnetSoulSP
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by MagnetSoulSP »

DharmaJunior wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 4:57 pm Imagine that all the turtles you have helped want you to be stronger, including the one that expired. Be the best possible version of yourself that you can be. So now continue with the good work.
That would be a comfort. But even now I can’t be sure whether I wanted to run it over thinking it was something else. I looked up from my phone and hit it and saw it flying in the rear view. I’m still haunted by the image of it flying in the air and seeing it writhing on the ground with a deep gash when I went back to check on it. I can’t believe it still.....
Malcolm
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by Malcolm »

Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 5:42 pm
DharmaJunior wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 4:57 pm Imagine that all the turtles you have helped want you to be stronger, including the one that expired. Be the best possible version of yourself that you can be. So now continue with the good work.
That would be a comfort. But even now I can’t be sure whether I wanted to run it over thinking it was something else. I looked up from my phone and hit it and saw it flying in the rear view. I’m still haunted by the image of it flying in the air and seeing it writhing on the ground with a deep gash when I went back to check on it. I can’t believe it still.....
Sarva dukkhaṃ, suffering is everywhere.
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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Running over an animal

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Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 5:42 pm
DharmaJunior wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 4:57 pm Imagine that all the turtles you have helped want you to be stronger, including the one that expired. Be the best possible version of yourself that you can be. So now continue with the good work.
That would be a comfort. But even now I can’t be sure whether I wanted to run it over thinking it was something else. I looked up from my phone and hit it and saw it flying in the rear view. I’m still haunted by the image of it flying in the air and seeing it writhing on the ground with a deep gash when I went back to check on it. I can’t believe it still.....
Well, you can at least let it be an inspiration not to use your phone while you drive.
Matt J wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 4:39 pm Stuff happens. You had no intention to kill and no joy in the result, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Not sure about that, if he was looking at his phone and that's why he hit it, in Buddhist terms he has some culpability.

Hell, in legal terms if this were a person he would have some culpability.

Either way, I think the only thing one can do on a basic level (not including Buddhist practices etc.) is take an honest look at how much our own intention (or in this case, lack thereof- i.e. ignorance) are involved in a certain thing, generate regret for the action, and resolve not to do it again. In this case, not using the phone while driving seems like the logical place to start. I'm not moralizing either, I've used my phone when I shouldn't in the car before, but it sounds like this behavior was the direct cause of the incident so...
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MagnetSoulSP
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by MagnetSoulSP »

It would be best to use this as inspiration for not doing it again. But I can’t stop beating myself for doing it. I feel like if I stop then it means it didn’t affect me.
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Matt J
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Re: Running over an animal

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Johnny Dangerous wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 6:58 pm Not sure about that, if he was looking at his phone and that's why he hit it, in Buddhist terms he has some culpability.
Well, that's new information. From now on, I'm going back to my standard response: "it depends." :D
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Johnny Dangerous
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Re: Running over an animal

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Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 8:48 pm It would be best to use this as inspiration for not doing it again. But I can’t stop beating myself for doing it. I feel like if I stop then it means it didn’t affect me.
Guilt is a waste of time,I think the best case scenario is resolving become a more present driver so as to not run over other stuff, or stand less chance of doing so.

Guilt is actually a self centered thing, and does nothing to alter the situation. It's unfortunate that it happened, and it seems that your lack of attention played some part in it happening. There is no reversing that it happened, and no amount of self-flagellation changes that. However, you can decide on how it impacts your thinking and behavior from now on.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

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LastLegend
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by LastLegend »

Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 4:35 pm I killed a turtle on the road today due to my negligence and I feel awful about all of it. I went back to check on the turtle and I couldn’t stand to see it suffering, even more knowing that I did this. I felt like a monster. I never felt this level of guilty and so torn inside.

Part of me knows that no guilt will bring it back or fix things. But I don’t want to forget because I feel like that’s making too light of what I did, but beating myself over what I’ve done isn’t the answer and won’t fix it. I feel like I need to be punished, to atone for what I’ve done.

Letting go seems like the right answer but it feels like I’m getting off easy, I won’t let myself do that. I’m lost and don’t know how to process this. I feel like a hypocrite since I usually help animals cross (ESPECIALLY turtles) and wonder how could someone run over an animal. Now I feel like such a hypocrite. How can I ever call someone on it again?

What can I do? How do I proceed?
Chinese people eat turtles...Namo Amitabha
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Dorje Shedrub
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by Dorje Shedrub »

Promise to yourself that you won't use your telephone while you are driving. Of course things still can happen anyway. Depending on your tradition you could say some aspiration prayers or mantras for the recently departed turtle. Beating yourself up won't bring the turtle back but having a connection to it and saying prayers and mantras may help the turtle have a better rebirth
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SilenceMonkey
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by SilenceMonkey »

It's good to feel bad... The world may be full of suffering and people who wouldn't care one way or the other. But at least you do.
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seeker242
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Re: Running over an animal

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I’m lost and don’t know how to process this
Switch your focus of attention off of yourself and onto the animal. Wish for them to have an auspicious future, a good rebirth, less suffering, etc, etc. Beating yourself up over an unintentional mistake is unproductive. Practicing metta for the animal is thoroughly productive.
One should not kill any living being, nor cause it to be killed, nor should one incite any other to kill. Do never injure any being, whether strong or weak, in this entire universe!
MagnetSoulSP
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by MagnetSoulSP »

Johnny Dangerous wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 8:56 pm
Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 8:48 pm It would be best to use this as inspiration for not doing it again. But I can’t stop beating myself for doing it. I feel like if I stop then it means it didn’t affect me.
Guilt is a waste of time,I think the best case scenario is resolving become a more present driver so as to not run over other stuff, or stand less chance of doing so.

Guilt is actually a self centered thing, and does nothing to alter the situation. It's unfortunate that it happened, and it seems that your lack of attention played some part in it happening. There is no reversing that it happened, and no amount of self-flagellation changes that. However, you can decide on how it impacts your thinking and behavior from now on.
You’re right. I guess I’m just worried i might be a psychopath if I’m not bothered by it
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Re: Running over an animal

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Ardha wrote: Sat May 08, 2021 9:29 pm
Johnny Dangerous wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 8:56 pm
Ardha wrote: Fri May 07, 2021 8:48 pm It would be best to use this as inspiration for not doing it again. But I can’t stop beating myself for doing it. I feel like if I stop then it means it didn’t affect me.
Guilt is a waste of time,I think the best case scenario is resolving become a more present driver so as to not run over other stuff, or stand less chance of doing so.

Guilt is actually a self centered thing, and does nothing to alter the situation. It's unfortunate that it happened, and it seems that your lack of attention played some part in it happening. There is no reversing that it happened, and no amount of self-flagellation changes that. However, you can decide on how it impacts your thinking and behavior from now on.
You’re right. I guess I’m just worried i might be a psychopath if I’m not bothered by it
It's definitely normal reaction to be bothered. I had a bird hit my window not too long ago and felt terrible. There is normal grief - which is good and healthy, then there's the rumination over it, which usually is not.
Meditate upon Bodhicitta when afflicted by disease

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when sad

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when suffering occurs

Meditate upon Bodhicitta when you are scared

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MagnetSoulSP
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by MagnetSoulSP »

I see. I’ll try to make that distinction. Beating myself over it isn’t noble.
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Budai
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Re: Running over an animal

Post by Budai »

It seems like you have a strong determination to truly care about what happened and the situation. I hope you find a way to balance out your emotions and feel better about yourself. Finding ways to activate Bodhicitta for the most suitable Buddhist Practice may help. I wish you all the best, dear fellow human being. :heart:
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