Why do so many people have the misconception that Buddhists are supposed to be all fuzzy and nonchalant all the time?

[bcol01]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

[PadmaVonSamba]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

When do you have to?

[Arnoud]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

When do you have to?

When a kid is trying to stick a pen in an electrical outlet? Or is pointing a loaded gun at someone.

[PadmaVonSamba]

I think that generally, over time, Buddhist practice makes one less likely to
1. give rise to anger
2. Become emotionally embroiled in every little thing that occurs
...and for people who don’t practice dharma, these behaviors occur more often. So, for many people that is the standard. My spouse has said to me about something or other, that she was upset about, “you don’t even seem to care!” But to me, there was no cause to become upset.

So, by comparison, we appear nonchalant. Even emotionless to some.
So, that’s maybe why people have this perception

The types of things like kids pointing guns or sticking things in electrical outlets don’t happen “all the time”, so, they might not be the best examples, but they do happen some of the time.
Probably responding sternly but without anger or rage is the most skillful approach.

[FiveSkandhas]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

They think we are some kind of meta-hippies.

[Lotomístico]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

I guess my question would be who actually thinks this? People in the west, US, Europe who have this image of the "tranquil Buddhist" stereotype, just a bunch of trippy hippies.
Having lived much of my adult life in predominantly Buddhist countries, I realize that people are people, regardless of the religious designation they have.
That said, in my experience living in Buddhist countries (primarily Southeast Asia) I never in nearly 20 years saw people in a supermarket go off in the way one can see on a daily basis in a US supermarket.(I worked as a cashier for many years, so I know jijiji)
Frankly, though, why do people consider outbursts of anger to be normal?

[Tata1]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

I guess my question would be who actually thinks this? People in the west, US, Europe who have this image of the "tranquil Buddhist" stereotype, just a bunch of trippy hippies.
Having lived much of my adult life in predominantly Buddhist countries, I realize that people are people, regardless of the religious designation they have.
That said, in my experience living in Buddhist countries (primarily Southeast Asia) I never in nearly 20 years saw people in a supermarket go off in the way one can see on a daily basis in a US supermarket.(I worked as a cashier for many years, so I know jijiji)
Frankly, though, why do people consider outbursts of anger to be normal?

In all fairness in most non buddhist countries you will also not see many people having a mental break down on a super market like in the US.

[Lotomístico]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

I guess my question would be who actually thinks this? People in the west, US, Europe who have this image of the "tranquil Buddhist" stereotype, just a bunch of trippy hippies.
Having lived much of my adult life in predominantly Buddhist countries, I realize that people are people, regardless of the religious designation they have.
That said, in my experience living in Buddhist countries (primarily Southeast Asia) I never in nearly 20 years saw people in a supermarket go off in the way one can see on a daily basis in a US supermarket.(I worked as a cashier for many years, so I know jijiji)
Frankly, though, why do people consider outbursts of anger to be normal?

In all fairness in most non buddhist countries you will also not see many people having a mental break down on a super market like in the US.

Agreed, personally never saw it once in Southeast Asia, go to a supermarket in the US and stand in líne, odds are there's some frustrated person impatiently saying "hurry up!" or having a fit because they were overcharged a nickel or often much worse, yelling and carrying on...this behavior by western tourists is especially perplexing (and amusing) to locals in those same countries, who are confused as to why presumably educated westerners from developed, affluent countries are behaving in such an uncultivated way... typically met with amused smiles, laughter, and complete disengagement...the "I'm never shopping here again" that would have an American supermarket manager begging them to continue shopping there would be responded to in SE Asia with "glad for that, we certainly hope not" and more chuckles jijijiji

[SilenceMonkey]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

Maybe this is a Theravada thing. Their ideal is quite detached and “monkly.” (This could also be a false evaluation based on my own ignorance.) But if it’s true at least to some degree, it might explain the lack of emotion in our culture’s understanding of mindfulness, which comes in large part from Theravada and Thich Nhat Hanh.

[SilenceMonkey]

Even more likely is that people tend to identify with teachings of nonattachment, trying to be good Buddhists or show that they are good at meditation because they don’t get angry when things don’t go their way. But this kind of identifying with not getting angry is actually a great way of surpressing one’s anger. We don’t show it outwardly, but that doesn’t mean it’s no truth there.

I think this way probably resonates with white people, who tend to be polite and not express our feelings. Same with Japanese and other East Asians whose culture is based on Confucianism.

So instead of superficially identifying with a non-angry ideal, a better way to arrive at being not bothered by anything is through the meditation methods given by whatever tradition you’re in. Usually this is vipassana, which sees the true nature of the thoughts and feelings that arise, instead of pretending they are something else.

[SilenceMonkey]

I think that generally, over time, Buddhist practice makes one less likely to
1. give rise to anger
2. Become emotionally embroiled in every little thing that occurs
...and for people who don’t practice dharma, these behaviors occur more often. So, for many people that is the standard. My spouse has said to me about something or other, that she was upset about, “you don’t even seem to care!” But to me, there was no cause to become upset.

So, by comparison, we appear nonchalant. Even emotionless to some.
So, that’s maybe why people have this perception

So true. Our culture seems to think that caring means to get upset when things don’t go well.

But as buddhists, maybe we’ll express our care through love and compassion instead of anger and distress.

I recently came back from the funeral of a teacher of mine. The ones who were more spiritually mature seemed not to be so distraught by our friend’s passing. They miss him, but also were able to express joy and acceptance of his passing. They were neither sobbing profusely nor pretending they didn’t care. Part of what spiritual maturity means is to be able to come to terms with things as they are, and finding peace with reality.

[Lotomístico]

I think that generally, over time, Buddhist practice makes one less likely to
1. give rise to anger
2. Become emotionally embroiled in every little thing that occurs
...and for people who don’t practice dharma, these behaviors occur more often. So, for many people that is the standard. My spouse has said to me about something or other, that she was upset about, “you don’t even seem to care!” But to me, there was no cause to become upset.

So, by comparison, we appear nonchalant. Even emotionless to some.
So, that’s maybe why people have this perception

So true. Our culture seems to think that caring means to get upset when things don’t go well.

But as buddhists, maybe we’ll express our care through love and compassion instead of anger and distress.

I recently came back from the funeral of a teacher of mine. The ones who were more spiritually mature seemed not to be so distraught by our friend’s passing. They miss him, but also were able to express joy and acceptance of his passing. They were neither sobbing profusely nor pretending they didn’t care. Part of what spiritual maturity means is to be able to come to terms with things as they are, and finding peace with reality.

Fortunate it is indeed to encounter a good teacher

[illarraza]

Meaning, we're not suppose to feel or show emotion or be stern when we have to? Where does this misconception come from? Would love your thoughts.

Not being aware of Nichiren and the Lotus Sutra's teachings. I think Chapter 3, Simile and Parable and Chapter 20, Bodhisattva Never Despise, demonstrates the stern reality of the Law of Cause and Effect. What do you think?

M