What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

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bcol01
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What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by bcol01 »

What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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Könchok Thrinley
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by Könchok Thrinley »

bcol01 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 am What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.
Move out if possible.
“Observing samaya involves to remain inseparable from the union of wisdom and compassion at all times, to sustain mindfulness, and to put into practice the guru’s instructions”. Garchen Rinpoche

For those who do virtuous actions,
goodness is what comes to pass.
For those who do non-virtuous actions,
that becomes suffering indeed.

- Arya Sanghata Sutra
narhwal90
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by narhwal90 »

Moving out is one method, in the meantime it might be helpful to work out your own boundaries; what behavior is acceptable to you and what to do when they are violated- not something to control others with but so as to manage your own experience. Detaching when things get to your own comfort limits, having a plan B so you can avoid getting sucked into drama for example. It never hurts to chant for their happiness, which is helpful to avoid falling into resentment yourself in such stressful situations.
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Queequeg
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by Queequeg »

Miroku wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:03 am
bcol01 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 am What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.
Move out if possible.
This.

You've been perturbed by this so-called friend and room mate for a while. Move out and be done. There is nothing compelling you to keep company with this person other than a lease if you have one. Count down the days and jet.
There is no suffering to be severed. Ignorance and klesas are indivisible from bodhi. There is no cause of suffering to be abandoned. Since extremes and the false are the Middle and genuine, there is no path to be practiced. Samsara is nirvana. No severance achieved. No suffering nor its cause. No path, no end. There is no transcendent realm; there is only the one true aspect. There is nothing separate from the true aspect.
-Guanding, Perfect and Sudden Contemplation,
bcol01
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by bcol01 »

I know & I plan on moving out when my lease is up. I never should have resigned. But in the meantime, I'm struggling to figure out how to live with this person while also maintaining a compassionate stance and also not getting sucked in to their dysfunction. You guys maybe have dealt with this type before, I dunno.
Queequeg wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 1:17 pm
Miroku wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 8:03 am
bcol01 wrote: Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:45 am What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up in order to get attention? Reward with attention or ignore?

Fyi, this person is basically a narcissist.
Move out if possible.
This.

You've been perturbed by this so-called friend and room mate for a while. Move out and be done. There is nothing compelling you to keep company with this person other than a lease if you have one. Count down the days and jet.
In his writing, Hokkemongu (Words and Phrases of the Lotus Sutra), The Great Master Nichiren said, “If the practitioners of the Lotus Sutra wholeheartedly devote their life to the Lotus Sutra and practice according to its golden words, it is certainly needless to say that not only in the next life, but also in this lifetime they will overcome severe difficulty, prolong their life, receive the great, good fortune of unsurpassed enlightenment, and accomplish the great vow of the widespread, propagation of True Buddhism.”
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tkp67
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by tkp67 »

bcol01 wrote: Thu Jul 04, 2019 6:54 pm I know & I plan on moving out when my lease is up. I never should have resigned. But in the meantime, I'm struggling to figure out how to live with this person while also maintaining a compassionate stance and also not getting sucked in to their dysfunction. You guys maybe have dealt with this type before, I dunno.
The most compassionate thing you can do is use this as an opportunity to strengthen the focus on your own practice.
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Könchok Thrinley
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Re: What is the best way to deal with a roommate who acts up (acting irritated)? Reward with attention or ignore?

Post by Könchok Thrinley »

Well, it is never bad to be friendly. I mean, depends very much. Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche once said a story about a man who comes to a master and says that there is a man on the hill who wants to beat him up, so what should he do. The master tells the man to not go on the hill. So sometimes it is better to avoid problems if possible.

So if it is okay, be friendly, but keep a line where you are not willing to go. If there is no space to be friendly, be polite and keep the line.
“Observing samaya involves to remain inseparable from the union of wisdom and compassion at all times, to sustain mindfulness, and to put into practice the guru’s instructions”. Garchen Rinpoche

For those who do virtuous actions,
goodness is what comes to pass.
For those who do non-virtuous actions,
that becomes suffering indeed.

- Arya Sanghata Sutra
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