About 5 years trying to practice ChNN's teachings...

[padma norbu]

I thought it had been longer since I have been interested in Tibetan Buddhism my whole life and meditated on and off using different techniques, but I just found a random diary that I, of course, did not maintain since I don't do diaries, but apparently I had thought at one point I was going to keep a diary and dream journal. In this diary, I was discussing my first transmission in 2007 and I can see that I was interested in it for at least 1 year before that, but didn't think I needed to receive transmission for some reason—you know how people are; I thought I had already a good grasp on what it was about by reading a book or two.

Anyway, it's been about 5 years now. I thought I would be a lot further along. I also found some entries from a retreat with Jim Valby where I made the note "150 hrs x 2000 mantras/hour = you begin to get some idea what Tun is all about." HA. I have never done this much Tun in my life.

I'm really, really sucking ass at this stuff. Just thought I would share.

[padma norbu]

Oh, and in that time, I am at least happy to say I've bought at least 143 books, cds and DVDs about Buddhism and Dzogchen and even read most of them. So... it's kind of funny that I don't feel that knowledgeable on the subject or like I've really changed all that much.

I was rearranging my shelves, can you tell?

[mint]

The goal is the path, the path is the goal.

[pemachophel]

Paltrul Rinpoche said that you need to be close enough to the Lama to feel the heat but not so close as to get burnt. Maybe you should consider doing what Jim Valby did: Go to every retreat ChNNR gives in the next year all over the world and really dedicate yourself to putting the instructions into practice. The other option is to find another Lama with whom you can have a close, ongoing, personal relationship, someone who would keep you on the Path. That doesn't mean that you would have to stop following ChNNR's instructions. From my own experience, I don't see how people can really practice this Dharma without spending considerable time with a Teacher face-to-face. We are all so good at self-deception, and the Guru is the mirror which reflects back exactly where need to need to put more effort and honesty.

Just my two cents. Good luck and best wishes.

[Virgo]

I don't see how people can really practice this Dharma without spending considerable time with a Teacher face-to-face. We are all so good at self-deception, and the Guru is the mirror which reflects back exactly where need to need to put more effort and honesty.

Your heart is the Guru's face.

To Padma Norbu: Just keep doing what your doing brother. Guru Yoga is the essence of it all, imho.

Kevin

[Konchog1]

To Padma Norbu: Just keep doing what your doing brother. Guru Yoga is the essence of it all, imho.

Kevin

I second this. I have had amazing effects from "simple" lineage supplication.

[Dechen Norbu]

This is actually a good sign Padma Norbu.
It means your fantasies are crumbling and you start to see how it really goes and what does it take. If it was as easy as you thought, we would all have realized enlightenment a long time ago. If you notice carefully, you will see that probably from those 5 years you spend 10% doing actual practice and 10% not being distracted (I'm being generous here). I would say you took less than many to do a very important reality check. The point is, now that you noticed that, how will it affect your practice?

[Gyalpo]

This is actually a good sign Padma Norbu.
It means your fantasies are crumbling and you start to see how it really goes and what does it take. If it was as easy as you thought, we would all have realized enlightenment a long time ago. If you notice carefully, you will see that probably from those 5 years you spend 10% doing actual practice and 10% not being distracted (I'm being generous here). I would say you took less than many to do a very important reality check. The point is, now that you noticed that, how will it affect your practice?

good point!

from my POW, most of us doesnt really know, how to make progress, so we use to do one short thun at morning, medium thun in the evening; when we do personal retreat, probably we start with Guruyoga of Guru Garba Dorje, next session we do Tara, another session medium thun and conclude with chod...but this is not really progress. Unless we check ourselfs and start to metodicaly applying path and taking one step after another. For example, i can notice my mental confusion, so I know, that I need to do shine method until I gain some stability of my mind. Without that, I can do 100 tousand times Tara, but it will be just distracted practice. I personaly use to do Guruyoga everyday and after that at least some practice of calm abiding in that state. During the day I am using "mindfullnes bell" aplication in my Android, so everytime it rings, I am doing at least short Guruyoga, at least mentaly, if not possible other way.

But thisi just my humble opinion...

Take care!

[krodha]

Anyway, it's been about 5 years now. I thought I would be a lot further along. I also found some entries from a retreat with Jim Valby where I made the note "150 hrs x 2000 mantras/hour = you begin to get some idea what Tun is all about." HA. I have never done this much Tun in my life.

I'm really, really sucking ass at this stuff. Just thought I would share.

Sounds like you have a preconceived notion of "where" you're supposed to be.. and end up for that matter. Or "what" you're supposed to be by being further along this path. You very well might be acting as your own worst enemy in this. You seem to be identifying with ideas or stories of others experiences and gauging/comparing yourself to these notions. These methods being prescribed for people aren't the best methods for everyone... i mean honestly, no mantra is going to help you in embodying what it is that dzogchen points to. All efforts to create a result are actually reifying your apparent predicament. Dzogchen is so subtle it's easily missed and overlooked... by identifying with a conceptual path or goal you've already seemingly obscured it. It's all a subtle shift in perception... which actually radically shifts experience. But the experience is always THIS experience right now. Don't look for a result in time... be here now, and inquire into the nature of what these elements of experience such as time, space, objects etc actually are... instead of doing mantras and practices maybe try looking at the one doing these practices. What does it mean to be awake, aware, present. Forget all presuppositions you have about yourself.. that you're "such and such" a person in relation to a world and universe you live in etc... that you aren't already that.. you're already pristine, luminous, spaceless, naturally occurring timeless awareness. Investigate empirically why it is that you don't feel that in your experience... and why you don't know it to be true. Identification with thought is the main culprit... it paints a false story and gives birth to everything.