I was doing two 35-minute sessions of Silent Illumination a day and meditating while taking a 30-minute walk (weather permitting). I was practicing watching my thoughts arise, pass by freely, and fade away. This approach was effective at quieting thoughts while sitting, but towards the end of walking meditation I was regularly facing extended trains-of-thought that could break down my ability to watch the thoughts fall away. (I got caught up in the thoughts ‘themselves’.)
So, I started watching the trains-of-thoughts more carefully when seated. I viewed them as products of the narrative-mind automatically driving from one thought to the next. Eventually I noticed that after a thought started to fade, a mild enthusiasm for the next (yet-to-come) thought would appear. Since each new thought is the best next thought the narrative-mind can produce, they tend to be novel and of ‘interest.’ So, I decided to gently let go of this enthusiasm: to fade it away. It’s partly a matter of realizing that I don’t need to have another thought right away, and also a leap of faith that letting go of the trains-of-thought is the right thing to do.
Not long after adopting this approach, near the beginning of my next seated session, I encountered something unexpected. All thoughts stopped completely and I was only aware of watching what was in front of me. I would describe it as like the first moment when you look through an open window before settling into what you see, but this ‘at first glance’ state continued until the end of the session, when the timer went off. No after effects were apparent after the session.
I was planning to go through the same procedure during the next session. But once I sat down to practice there were no longer any thoughts to watch. I found that, as soon as I relaxed into Silent Illumination, I reentered the ‘open perception’ state. I also found that I could enter and maintain this state during 20-minute walks.
I wasn’t sure what to make of this. When I originally thought of trying it, I expected that it would, at best, slowly reduce the momentum of my trains-of-thought. This was the first time in my adult life that my mind suddenly changed how it functioned. At one level, what I call ‘undriven-mind,’ was novel and effortless. But it was also a bit boring, and I didn’t notice any great ‘wisdom’ pouring forth. I wasn’t sure if it was a true Mahayana samadhi, or was I “dwelling on the dark side of the mountain in a ghost cave?” After experiencing it regularly, I found myself getting a bit drowsier over the course of each day, so I stopped doing it.
Of course, I also tried to figure out what it was. The first thing I realized was that by letting go of enthusiasm for the next thought I was letting go of my ‘desire’ for it. This corresponds to the Third Noble Truth (The Truth of Cessation!): letting go of desire leads to the cessation of suffering. I recently read Yoshito Hakedas’ translation of “The Awakening of Faith in Mahayana” Sutra, where he uses the term: ‘cessation’ to refer to the samatha (tranquility) method of meditation. Here are two quotes from the Sutra:
… All thoughts, as soon as they are conjured up, are to be discarded, and even the thought of discarding them is to be put away, … When this discipline is well-mastered after a long period of practice, the ideations of his mind will be arrested. Because of this, his power of executing "cessation" will gradually be intensified and become highly effective, so that he will conform himself to, and be able to be absorbed into, the "concentration (samadhi) of Suchness". Then … he will quickly attain the state in which there will be no retrogression. …
I was greatly relieved to find that the two ‘side-effects’ of undriven-mind that concerned me the most (that it was irreversible & focusing on it extensively caused lethargy) were signs of experiencing samadhi. This leads me to believe that it was most likely a true Mahayana samadhi experience. I can still relax into a less intense version of this state. I typically back off a bit so that I can think (subtly) during Silent Illumination practice. I still can no longer watch my thoughts arise and pass away.… Now, if he practices "cessation" only, then his mind will be sunk in self-complacency and he will be slothful; he will not delight in performing good acts … It is, therefore, necessary to practice "clear observation" [vipassana] as well.
In summary: There are two stages to the method. First learn to watch thoughts arise and pass. Without attaching to them, let them fade away. Second, carefully notice your subtle enthusiasm for the yet-to-come thought to appear. Then fade away this desire to allow yourself to rest without further thoughts. This two-stage approach subdues thoughts enough to keep them from arising. If you can no longer watch your thoughts arise and fall away, then you might have already transformed your awareness in this way.
My goal in communicating this experience is to describe, what was for me, a fairly direct means of dropping into Mahayana samadhi. I remain open minded, and welcome different interpretations of this approach and its result.