Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

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Atlachinolli Vajra
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Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

Post by Atlachinolli Vajra »

I know this question or asking for help is not easy, and I have tried to find help and information on this for quite some time now, but I hope someone can help in some way.

I have major severe depression since almost 10 years, with a horrible suffering which sometimes makes me wanna die. I have some terrible anger bursts in which I can destroy property, harm myself, etc... when the conditions of feeling terribly miserable, depressed, severely anxious, damned or cursed, deeply frustrated and like a failure; by which I hurt very bad my dear ones. in which I am not 24/7, but some times close to that.
Please don't suggest me to go with a psychiatrist or intern in a mental hospital, I have done that for years and sometimes I feel better, but its just for short periods, its not a solution and I just get more depressed and angry there. I do take medication and have a good p. doc, which helps to some degree.

I'm a practicioner of Vajrayana, even with all this shitty condition, since 3 years ago, and it has been a game changer and life saver, definitely, with which if I didn't have it I would be much worse.
My main practices are Tara, Chenrezig and recently Vajrapani-Hayagriva-Garuda, and some day I do Vajrasattva purification at nights too.
I love Tara and she is just marvelous, but now I feel so dirty, so poluted inside by obscurations, horrible thought patterns, feelings and thoughts, all this shit about dead, self destruction, anger and hatred... sometimes I'm reallyone of those people the mainstream says need to be in a psychiatric hospital.. I've been there with no improving on anything.

Since I had the retreat online of Vajrapani-Hayagriva-Garuda with my geshe and group, I felt a very strong connection to this deity, instead of feeling scared or anxious or angry or depressed, the practice gives me a great tranquility, peace and helps controling all this mental monsters (which probably give the conditions for external forces as nagas or bad spirits to haunt me too). I am convinced that for my current situation I need the help of wrathful, perhaps extremely wrathful and/or "crazy" deities-buddhas, as Dorje Drolo, as just by seeing his image I identify instantly with that madness and terrible anger, so I think he might help. But well, I know it is not coincidence that the Three Wrathful Protectors and their practice came to me.

I have read from Lama Gangchen and even Lama Zopa that this practice is supreme for helping with bad mental health, very negative destructive thought patterns, severe obscurations, polutions and sickness in general, as well as protecting from every harm.

The thing is that I just had the lung or mantra transmition by my Geshe, but not on the right moment, I couldn't connect to the session at teh right moment, so I just played the video later and received or at least tried. I received an internet initiation by lama Garchen, but the same, it didn't feel like a proper live empowerment, although it made me more close to the deity I still feel Im not connected as I'd want, and of course I do not generate as the deity, which would be very good.

I try to be disciplined with my practices, do them every day, althoug there are days I just feel so shitty and upset, incapable of doing more than lay on my bed, self chastising and break stuff (yes this sounds scary, but I never harmed phisically anyone or others' propoerty, I still control to not do that, and want to respect everyone, I'm in truth a good person, very nice and gifted since a child, but this situation makes me sometimes believe I am a bad horrible person, I always have guilts for my actions, and feel like a living shit.

Well, I noted how Tara practice was not of much help to me anymore because of my obscurations and horrible energy sometimes... So I'm convinced I need to practice seriously a wrathful or extremely wrathful deity, even I've felt drawn upon Dorje Drolo, even many ppl don't like him too much and say he can burn yur karma very fast, but perhaps is the one for me.
And I'd like receive proper initiation into Vajrapani-Hayagriva-Garuda, but there is noone offering it in Mexico, and I think it will pass time until rinpoches come back here, because of pandemics. If you know of an online empowerment of three Wrathful ones, Ill be grateful if someone can inform me.

Also, sorry for the long post, but this is my last question. Please, ¿does someone knows of a Lama really specialized in healing, and specially mental issues, but also physical, kinda like lama Gangchen (I'm not in favour of Dorje Shugden practitioners, but I think and feel this lama was a great healer and sage anyway)... I've met people here terribly ill of cancer or severe depression and even schizophrenia that have foud their root guru, a healer one, and now their life is really good (and this is not something I believe, I have seen it directly)... most of them met some healer lama in the US for example and went to retreats mainly in the US (1-3 months or more)--- I have no money currently to pay that, but I could find a way if I really meet the proper lama, who needs to really understand the severity and risks and terrible suffering of this health and personality issues, disorders...

Of course I'll never say anything bad about my geshe, he's a great man and lama, I admire and respect him and I'm still learning with him, but he is not specialized in healing or tibetan medicine, and clearly do not understand how severe and horrible can be mental-neurological illness, and how serious.. he believes truly that I'm just kinda sad or something not that important, or I'm just just being whimsical and whiny, tells me to practice Vajrasattva and Tara, which I've beeen practicing, but he really doesnt takes this seriously, as how he does with cancer or even diabetes patients (Major Depression is in the first places of early death and suicide)... he's a great man and teacher, but he just doesn't knows about this incapaciting illnesses ( as many people in truth).


Please help me to find a healer lama, serious one, specially for this matters, better if they teach-transmit Wrathful Deities ( as lama Gangchen and others have said, those are the best for this kinds of situations, lama even reccomends V-H.G specifically for mental health and severe mental or neurological problems (I do feel peace and tranquility and control with the practice, and felt the connection instatly, but now without empowerment or proper lung its becoming harder to connect); and if you reccomend another practice or deity for my situation that would be great... I just cannot get the empowerment fom his lineage in any part, these people from NgalSo rarely comes to Mexico... I beg to you people to give me a hand with this, I'm really horrybly dispaired and in deep suffering, agonizing (my suffering and the one I give to others).
I'm a fairly serious practitioner, with some years of experience, so the reason is not that I don't practice enough, and even in my faithless state, I keep very inside a real faith, I know I can heal and improve in the bodhicitta and path of the Dharma (until I feel defeated and frustrated again and don't believe in anything, but those are moments, not the general rule).
Please help me, is not just for me, but for my family, who also suffers a lot for my condition, and all beings around me who got affected and aflicted one way or another.

Thank you so very much, wish you many blessings.
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Ayu
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Re: Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

Post by Ayu »

Please note: nobody should offer medical or spiritual advice to this question. Just, if you can, point out to a skilled lama, please. This was the OP's question.
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climb-up
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Re: Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

Post by climb-up »

Dr Nida Chenagtsang and/or one of his groups such as Pure Land farms may be helpful for you.
"Death's second name is 'omnipresent.' On the relative truth it seems we become separate. But on the absolute there is no separation." Lama Dawa
Atlachinolli Vajra
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Re: Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

Post by Atlachinolli Vajra »

climb-up wrote: Sat Apr 10, 2021 7:12 am Dr Nida Chenagtsang and/or one of his groups such as Pure Land farms may be helpful for you.
Thank you very much. I've read about Dr. Nida Chenagtsang and Sorig Khang, and am very interested in his lineage and teachings. In fact there is supposed to be a "Sorig Khang Mexico", in the State of Oaxaca, and I tried to contact them before, but the guy in charge I don't know what's up with him, he answered a couple of times, ask for my telephone number, then I sent messages to him different times (the Sorig Khang Mexico group on Facebook), but unfortunately never answered.. I felt kind of a disinterest in him or something :shrug: I have wrote to Sorig Khang International also, but never got an answer, but I'll keep trying.

Kind regards.
:namaste:
philji
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Re: Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

Post by philji »

Lana Wangdu in Portland is an amazing Cho d master and can assist with healings vs I believe.
Natan
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Re: Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

Post by Natan »

Bhaka Tulku Rinpoche
jmlee369
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Re: Healing, Whrathful Deities and Healer Lamas in desperate situation

Post by jmlee369 »

Atlachinolli Vajra wrote: Sat Apr 10, 2021 4:39 am Also, sorry for the long post, but this is my last question. Please, ¿does someone knows of a Lama really specialized in healing, and specially mental issues, but also physical, kinda like lama Gangchen (I'm not in favour of Dorje Shugden practitioners, but I think and feel this lama was a great healer and sage anyway)... I've met people here terribly ill of cancer or severe depression and even schizophrenia that have foud their root guru, a healer one, and now their life is really good (and this is not something I believe, I have seen it directly)... most of them met some healer lama in the US for example and went to retreats mainly in the US (1-3 months or more)--- I have no money currently to pay that, but I could find a way if I really meet the proper lama, who needs to really understand the severity and risks and terrible suffering of this health and personality issues, disorders...

Of course I'll never say anything bad about my geshe, he's a great man and lama, I admire and respect him and I'm still learning with him, but he is not specialized in healing or tibetan medicine, and clearly do not understand how severe and horrible can be mental-neurological illness, and how serious.. he believes truly that I'm just kinda sad or something not that important, or I'm just just being whimsical and whiny, tells me to practice Vajrasattva and Tara, which I've beeen practicing, but he really doesnt takes this seriously, as how he does with cancer or even diabetes patients (Major Depression is in the first places of early death and suicide)... he's a great man and teacher, but he just doesn't knows about this incapaciting illnesses ( as many people in truth).


Please help me to find a healer lama, serious one, specially for this matters, better if they teach-transmit Wrathful Deities ( as lama Gangchen and others have said, those are the best for this kinds of situations, lama even reccomends V-H.G specifically for mental health and severe mental or neurological problems (I do feel peace and tranquility and control with the practice, and felt the connection instatly, but now without empowerment or proper lung its becoming harder to connect); and if you reccomend another practice or deity for my situation that would be great... I just cannot get the empowerment fom his lineage in any part, these people from NgalSo rarely comes to Mexico... I beg to you people to give me a hand with this, I'm really horrybly dispaired and in deep suffering, agonizing (my suffering and the one I give to others).
I urge you to stay clear of any connections with Lama Gangchen, Michel Rinpoche, Lama Caroline, and their Ngalso group, it will cause you more harm than benefit in the long run.

Since you already have connection and access to a local geshe, ask him for a mo divination to check which deity you have a connection with. But since he has already advised you to practice Vajrasattva and Tara, it would be better to simply respect the advice of your teacher. And really, there is no reason to doubt the efficacy of Tara, in fact the Tara practice itself contains all four activities, including very wrathful Tara within it.

If you insist on connecting with someone who is famous as a healer lama, and since you have connection with Gelug lineage, perhaps you could write to Zopa Rinpoche. He will probably take a very long time to reply (maybe even years), but you can see from the online advice book at Lama Yeshe Wisdom Archive that his responses are kind of advice you are looking for. Of course, it is up to you to follow and carry out his instructions.
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