Did I abandon the Dharma?

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zengen
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Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by zengen »

Ten years ago I took refuge in the Triple Jewels in a local Buddhist temple. But for the past three years I have left the Dharma due to having developed mental illness. My illness gave me delusions that caused me to stop believing in Buddhism. The illness also made me doubt the Buddha's existence and the validity of his teachings. Does my case count as abandoning the Dharma?

I recently returned to the Dharma after rejecting the false views I had developed because of my illness. I also recently found out that abandoning the Dharma is very negative karma. I didn't know that three years ago, when I casually walked away from Buddhism. How do I repair what I've done? I now know my fault and wish to repent. Would repenting clear the karma?
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Arnoud
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Re: Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by Arnoud »

Nah. You are fine. Welcome back. Do some purification practices if it makes you feel better. But, taking care of your mind and being kind to it is probably more helpful than worrying about what you did when you were mentally ill. No volition no karma.
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PadmaVonSamba
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Re: Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by PadmaVonSamba »

If you talk to an artist or writer, very often they will walk away from the painting or the book they are writing, sometimes for very long periods, and then they come back to it.

Likewise, in battle, sometimes it is necessary to go into retreat. It’s not abandoning anything. It’s how we really-adjust our perspective so that we can get a better sense of what we really need.

It’s not at all unusual for people to go through periods where meditation or other dharma activities are not the central focus of what they are doing. You have to experience all aspects of life, then you come back to dharma practice and apply that to what you have experienced.

Sometimes we decide to ignore the Buddhist teachings for a while, and go out running around and crashing into things just as everybody else does, then we experience all the suffering of samsara, and this reminds us of why the teachings are actually there, and we come back, practicing with even more confidence and conviction than before.

Sometimes we have to put all of the “outer” supports of practice aside for a while. We don’t have time or space for bowing and chanting and meditation and incense and all that stuff. Sometimes when that happens, it’s actually a good thing, because then we have to really look inside at what’s going on. Then, the dharma is like your blood. You can’t see it, but it’s flowing through you. You have patience and compassion and develop wisdom in ordinary activities. That’s when you know. I think very often, stepping away from formal practice, even thinking about Buddhist stuff at all, and then coming back to it, can be very beneficial in cutting through illusions and other bullshit.
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undefineable
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Re: Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by undefineable »

PadmaVonSamba wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 1:44 pm If you talk to an artist or writer, very often they will walk away from the painting or the book they are writing, sometimes for very long periods, and then they come back to it.

Likewise, in battle, sometimes it is necessary to go into retreat. It’s not abandoning anything. It’s how we really-adjust our perspective so that we can get a better sense of what we really need.

It’s not at all unusual for people to go through periods where meditation or other dharma activities are not the central focus of what they are doing. You have to experience all aspects of life, then you come back to dharma practice and apply that to what you have experienced.

Sometimes we decide to ignore the Buddhist teachings for a while, and go out running around and crashing into things just as everybody else does, then we experience all the suffering of samsara, and this reminds us of why the teachings are actually there, and we come back, practicing with even more confidence and conviction than before.

Sometimes we have to put all of the “outer” supports of practice aside for a while. We don’t have time or space for bowing and chanting and meditation and incense and all that stuff. Sometimes when that happens, it’s actually a good thing, because then we have to really look inside at what’s going on. Then, the dharma is like your blood. You can’t see it, but it’s flowing through you. You have patience and compassion and develop wisdom in ordinary activities. That’s when you know. I think very often, stepping away from formal practice, even thinking about Buddhist stuff at all, and then coming back to it, can be very beneficial in cutting through illusions and other bullshit.
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jmlee369
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Re: Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by jmlee369 »

zengen wrote: Thu Nov 11, 2021 3:47 am Ten years ago I took refuge in the Triple Jewels in a local Buddhist temple. But for the past three years I have left the Dharma due to having developed mental illness. My illness gave me delusions that caused me to stop believing in Buddhism. The illness also made me doubt the Buddha's existence and the validity of his teachings. Does my case count as abandoning the Dharma?

I recently returned to the Dharma after rejecting the false views I had developed because of my illness. I also recently found out that abandoning the Dharma is very negative karma. I didn't know that three years ago, when I casually walked away from Buddhism. How do I repair what I've done? I now know my fault and wish to repent. Would repenting clear the karma?
The precept literature and commentaries on the boundaries of the precepts usually state explicitly there is no violation if one is not sound of mind at the time of violating the precept.
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Zhen Li
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Re: Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by Zhen Li »

Can you give us the source for your fear about the karmic consequences of abandoning the Dharma? That might help to assess the situation.

Also, based on the wording of your post, I take it this is not about precepts.

There are definitely degrees of non-soundness of mind. But in a way, we are all not sound of mind until we are Buddhas. All saṃsāra is one big mental delusion. Karma works in degrees, and it's not a simple on or off switch unless we compare action versus non-action. Karma still accrues from our actions done without full knowledge, but having full knowledge and then willingly abandoning the Dharma or committing a crime is much more severe. I don't think anyone else can fully know your situation as you know it, so I think you are the best person to judge.

As Arnoud pointed out, it might help to clear your mind to do a repentance ceremony. Also, in terms of icchantika status, the Nirvana Sūtra says that it ends precisely when someone chooses to believe in the Triple Gem—so really, that is enough.

Finally, as regard the expiation of karma, there are lots of practices that can do that. But the Nembutsu is a guaranteed way to eliminate all karmic obstructions. Everyone, no matter how severe their evil, is accepted just as they are by Amitābha Buddha. It is a sure-fire way for anyone, regardless of karmic baggage, to attain Buddhahood in one birth guaranteed.
avatamsaka3
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Re: Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by avatamsaka3 »

Speak with your teachers about this.

Respecting and helping others worthy of respect is a great practice. Keeping a heart of goodwill towards all beings, while difficult, is beneficial.
GrapeLover
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Re: Did I abandon the Dharma?

Post by GrapeLover »

Posted originally by pemachophel
Sarvavid Vairochana Mantra

OM NA-MO BHA-GA-WA-TE
SAR-WA DUR-GA-TE PA-RI SHO-DHA-NI RA-DZA-YA
TA-THA-GA-TA-YA
AR-HA-TE SAM-YAK-SAM BUD-DHA-YA
TADYA-THA
OM SHO-DHA-NI SHO-DHA-NI
SAR-WA PA-PAM BI-SHO-DHA-NI
SHU-DHE BI-SHU-DHE
SAR-WA KAR-MA A-WA-RA-NA BI-SHO-DHA-NI SO-HA


By merely seeing this mantra – let alone reciting it –, one purifies the karma of having given up the Dharma.
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