Wedding Vows and Rituals

[reiun]

This weekend my daughter and her fiancé, who will be married in October, invited me to officiate at their wedding. Of course, I am thrilled and honored! I am requesting your thoughts, as well as specific suggestions, on weddings in general, and language of the vows in particular. My daughter and I have Rinzai Zen background, but it is not a goal to stick strictly to that influence. So Tibetan, secular, etc., is fine. In fact, most of the attendees will not be Buddhist. I have only attended one Buddhist wedding, at Burning House Zendo in Baltimore, and it was quite beautiful. I will also consult with my home monastery and two other respected teachers who know me for guidance. And, of course, the YouTube.

Your help is appreciated.

[Queequeg]

This weekend my daughter and her fiancé, who will be married in October, invited me to officiate at their wedding. Of course, I am thrilled and honored! I am requesting your thoughts, as well as specific suggestions, on weddings in general, and language of the vows in particular. My daughter and I have Rinzai Zen background, but it is not a goal to stick strictly to that influence. So Tibetan, secular, etc., is fine. In fact, most of the attendees will not be Buddhist. I have only attended one Buddhist wedding, at Burning House Zendo in Baltimore, and it was quite beautiful. I will also consult with my home monastery and two other respected teachers who know me for guidance. And, of course, the YouTube.

Your help is appreciated.

I attended a ceremony a few years ago conducted by a Shingon priest. He recited the Heart Sutra and then the sort of typical wedding ceremony stuff.

There really is no Buddhist wedding ceremony, traditionally. I'm sure you know. In East Asia, anyway, they've had to be constructed as Western approaches to marriage and weddings have become popular.

There is one sutta that I recall where a married couple went to the Buddha and explained how they loved each other and did not want to be parted at death. He counseled them to strive for the perfection of the Brahma Viharas so that they could be born in heaven together. I think about what I would have wanted, and what I would want to tell my son and daughter, and I guess its along those lines - that they and their partners should be supportive and encouraging of each other in their home life and their spiritual life, that they should look to their partnership as one to bring compassion, loving kindness, joy, equanimity, and wisdom into their lives together and with the community around them.

Reflecting on the recitation of the Heart Sutra - I thought it was kind of subversive, which probably was not entirely lost on the couple, one of whom is a Shingon scholar and the other the child of a prominent Buddhist scholar.

Anyway, will be curious to hear how you go forward. Please update if you don't mind.

[reiun]

I attended a ceremony a few years ago conducted by a Shingon priest. He recited the Heart Sutra and then the sort of typical wedding ceremony stuff.

There really is no Buddhist wedding ceremony, traditionally. I'm sure you know. In East Asia, anyway, they've had to be constructed as Western approaches to marriage and weddings have become popular.

There is one sutta that I recall where a married couple went to the Buddha and explained how they loved each other and did not want to be parted at death. He counseled them to strive for the perfection of the Brahma Viharas so that they could be born in heaven together. I think about what I would have wanted, and what I would want to tell my son and daughter, and I guess its along those lines - that they and their partners should be supportive and encouraging of each other in their home life and their spiritual life, that they should look to their partnership as one to bring compassion, loving kindness, joy, and wisdom into their lives together and with the community around them.

Thanks, I will definitely search for this reference. My own marriage, conducted in a small gazebo in the beautiful garden behind an inn way out in the country, with a county clerk officiating and just my dad and one brother-in-law as witnesses, is not too much of a guide! The clerk offered a Christian prayer. My dad was a lapsed Lutheran, I was doing things like guest-studying at Tassajara, and my wife and her brother were Jewish, but all went well. If Covid calms down, and people get vaccinated, there will be ~100 attending my daughter's wedding.

Reflecting on the recitation of the Heart Sutra - I thought it was kind of subversive, which probably was not entirely lost on the couple, one of whom is a Shingon scholar and the other the child of a prominent Buddhist scholar.

Heart Sutra was always my main practice, everyday, long before I took vows. My "heart" teacher recited it as a child in Japan as a principal practice. The translation I use is from Kapleau, Rochester Zen Center. It is very beautiful.

Anyway, will be curious to hear how you go forward. Please update if you don't mind.

Thank you, I vow to.

[jmlee369]

This weekend my daughter and her fiancé, who will be married in October, invited me to officiate at their wedding. Of course, I am thrilled and honored! I am requesting your thoughts, as well as specific suggestions, on weddings in general, and language of the vows in particular. My daughter and I have Rinzai Zen background, but it is not a goal to stick strictly to that influence. So Tibetan, secular, etc., is fine. In fact, most of the attendees will not be Buddhist. I have only attended one Buddhist wedding, at Burning House Zendo in Baltimore, and it was quite beautiful. I will also consult with my home monastery and two other respected teachers who know me for guidance. And, of course, the YouTube.

Your help is appreciated.

You can find some resources from the FPMT here

[reiun]

This weekend my daughter and her fiancé, who will be married in October, invited me to officiate at their wedding. Of course, I am thrilled and honored! I am requesting your thoughts, as well as specific suggestions, on weddings in general, and language of the vows in particular. My daughter and I have Rinzai Zen background, but it is not a goal to stick strictly to that influence. So Tibetan, secular, etc., is fine. In fact, most of the attendees will not be Buddhist. I have only attended one Buddhist wedding, at Burning House Zendo in Baltimore, and it was quite beautiful. I will also consult with my home monastery and two other respected teachers who know me for guidance. And, of course, the YouTube.

Your help is appreciated.

You can find some resources from the FPMT here

This is indeed helpful. Thank you!