The struggles of being bombu

[The Mantra Mongoose]

Sometimes, I find myself gasping at the cruelty of my own heart in reflection of moments gone by, and yet i realize in this age of Mappo i am helpless to change it. I find myself reciting nembustu as my thoughts accuse me yet when i think of Amida's smile and acceptance of me regardless of who i am i tear up. I guess my question for other jodo shinshu believers is how do you deal with negative thoughts throughout your life? I was taught by teacher to have nembustu be the host of your mind like at a party, and all other thoughts as guests that may come and go as they please. this has seemed to work for me, and has allowed me to realize the impermanence of these things a little deeper. I also direct my mind to think of Amida smiling at me when i feel overwhelmed that always seems to help. what has your experiences been like?

[steveb1]

Sometimes, I find myself gasping at the cruelty of my own heart in reflection of moments gone by, and yet i realize in this age of Mappo i am helpless to change it. I find myself reciting nembustu as my thoughts accuse me yet when i think of Amida's smile and acceptance of me regardless of who i am i tear up. I guess my question for other jodo shinshu believers is how do you deal with negative thoughts throughout your life? I was taught by teacher to have nembustu be the host of your mind like at a party, and all other thoughts as guests that may come and go as they please. this has seemed to work for me, and has allowed me to realize the impermanence of these things a little deeper. I also direct my mind to think of Amida smiling at me when i feel overwhelmed that always seems to help. what has your experiences been like?

I can't say I've made any real headway in giving push-back to the worse angels of my nature. I used to get guilted about my negativity but now I just accept it as my bombu nature doing its own thing. I can't be Enlightened in this life, so I don't try to be; I can't be a saint in this life, so I don't try to be (my guiding principle is "first, do no harm", followed by a will to practice the Golden Rule). Amida gives me non-retrogression, Shinjin, and Nembutsu - and the promise that when I die, I won't die into nothing - I'll die into the Amida Dharma and at last become, through his grace, the Buddha I aspire to be. But as for correcting my many bombu faults in this life, or feeling overly saddened or guilty about them, I just heave a sigh and tell myself, "Let it be, bombu-self. This is my last birth in samsara. The Buddha will handle the rest of it."

[The Mantra Mongoose]

I can't say I've made any real headway in giving push-back to the worse angels of my nature. I used to get guilted about my negativity but now I just accept it as my bombu nature doing its own thing. I can't be Enlightened in this life, so I don't try to be; I can't be a saint in this life, so I don't try to be (my guiding principle is "first, do no harm", followed by a will to practice the Golden Rule). Amida gives me non-retrogression, Shinjin, and Nembutsu - and the promise that when I die, I won't die into nothing - I'll die into the Amida Dharma and at last become, through his grace, the Buddha I aspire to be. But as for correcting my many bombu faults in this life, or feeling overly saddened or guilty about them, I just heave a sigh and tell myself, "Let it be, bombu-self. This is my last birth in samsara. The Buddha will handle the rest of it."

Thanks you so much for sharing. you've given me something to really meditate about, why is it that i feel so upset at myself when improvement in this life is impossible? I'm like a dog returning to its own vomit when it comes to how i address my failings, and thats something that truly will not be fixed in this life. I fully accept my enlightenment is in the hands of Amida as a child lays against the breast of his mother trusting she will do whats best for him. I don't look at my own merit or goodness in anyway as leading me along the path to Nirvana, yet i find myself saddened by my conduct sometimes. I wonder if its an old vestige of my former religious calling that i just need to learn to let go like everything else. In any event thank you for helping me to listen deeply to Amida Dharma, and reevaluate were i see things in my life, the sangha truly is a blessing. if you don't mind im going to take " let it be bombu-self" and use it in my personal life i find that will be just what i need lol .

[steveb1]

I can't say I've made any real headway in giving push-back to the worse angels of my nature. I used to get guilted about my negativity but now I just accept it as my bombu nature doing its own thing. I can't be Enlightened in this life, so I don't try to be; I can't be a saint in this life, so I don't try to be (my guiding principle is "first, do no harm", followed by a will to practice the Golden Rule). Amida gives me non-retrogression, Shinjin, and Nembutsu - and the promise that when I die, I won't die into nothing - I'll die into the Amida Dharma and at last become, through his grace, the Buddha I aspire to be. But as for correcting my many bombu faults in this life, or feeling overly saddened or guilty about them, I just heave a sigh and tell myself, "Let it be, bombu-self. This is my last birth in samsara. The Buddha will handle the rest of it."

Thanks you so much for sharing. you've given me something to really meditate about, why is it that i feel so upset at myself when improvement in this life is impossible? I'm like a dog returning to its own vomit when it comes to how i address my failings, and thats something that truly will not be fixed in this life. I fully accept my enlightenment is in the hands of Amida as a child lays against the breast of his mother trusting she will do whats best for him. I don't look at my own merit or goodness in anyway as leading me along the path to Nirvana, yet i find myself saddened by my conduct sometimes. I wonder if its an old vestige of my former religious calling that i just need to learn to let go like everything else. In any event thank you for helping me to listen deeply to Amida Dharma, and reevaluate were i see things in my life, the sangha truly is a blessing. if you don't mind im going to take " let it be bombu-self" and use it in my personal life i find that will be just what i need lol .

Gosh, I'm happy that you found my comments helpful - you're very welcome, of course. Like you, I constantly condemn my own bombu-ness and become angry and disappointed over it. Which is only natural for people because we have a conscience that "tags" our violations.

But as you said, we also know that Amida Buddha has taken care of all that in his Vows, especially the 18th Vow. He's been in Hell and he's been on the mountain top before us. St. Paul called Jesus "the pioneer and perfector of our faith". To me this describes our relationship to Amitabha while we are earthly bombus: the Buddha has gone before us in samsara, has given us his gifts of non-retrogression and Shijin (which is perfect faith), and has provided us a place in his Pure Land. Then, once arrived, we ourselves are no longer in a bombu-savior relationship with the Buddha, because we will have become Buddhas ourselves. There is no room for real spiritual despair along this Dharma path. Discouragement is only natural and human, but we have a Buddha whose infinite light dissipates our personal darkness and this same light will make us as luminous as the Buddha once we take birth in the Pure Land.

Again, to paraphrase St. Paul: "If the Buddha be for us, who can be against us?"