Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

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Kim O'Hara
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by Kim O'Hara »

KiwiNFLFan wrote: Tue May 18, 2021 3:59 am Would the same be true in countries where you cannot file for divorce until you have been separated for a period of time defined by law (2 years in NZ)? If a marriage has irreparably broken down and the couple are separated, yet the law of the land won't permit them to divorce for 2 years, would it be ethical for one or both of the partners to date within the 2 years?
I would say so.
The reference point for us as Buddhists is always whether or not it harms someone.
The local law =/= dharma and illegal =/= akusala although they will often line up pretty neatly because law begins with codified morality and morality evolved (everywhere) to keep communities safe and strong.

:namaste:
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Crazywisdom
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by Crazywisdom »

stillnesscalls wrote: Tue Jan 26, 2021 2:57 am Hi everyone. Lately it came to my realization that I'm probably creating bad karma and feeling some blockages, because my partner of 3 years now is still legally married. She wasn't able to get divorced because her husband is making it difficult to proceed with the documentation. By kissing her and sleeping with her, am I creating bad karma? Is it considered adultery even if she is emotionally disconnected to her husband and vice versa? May I add that they were already separated when we started dating. Thank you.
"My partner is married." Words never spoken in yonder times. It probably comes down to intent. If she has no intention toward the guy, it's not a marriage. Legalities are irrelevant.
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Hazel
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

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Please no necroposting.

This is a dead post by a person who only posted once and then shortly there after never signed in again.

For new questions please start a new thread.
Happy Pride month to my queer dharma siblings!

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Hazel
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

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Happy Pride month to my queer dharma siblings!

What do you see when you turn out the lights?
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by Jesse »

KiwiNFLFan wrote: Tue May 18, 2021 3:59 am Would the same be true in countries where you cannot file for divorce until you have been separated for a period of time defined by law (2 years in NZ)? If a marriage has irreparably broken down and the couple are separated, yet the law of the land won't permit them to divorce for 2 years, would it be ethical for one or both of the partners to date within the 2 years?


Everything we do harms someone, or something. To live we must eat, which means lives must be taken to sustain us. Most don't consider plants to be sentient beings, but that view is changing in light of loads of new evidence to the contrary.

In samsara at least, ones happiness comes at the expense of anthers suffering. It is unavoidable. To walk to the mailbox to get your mail, beings die. To have something good to eat, not only does something die, but someone, or something else is deprived of that food. Obtaining a new toy, item, or luxury, deprives something else of life, liberty, or material good.

For the vast majority of people, engaging in an intimate relationship with someone is likely making someone else miserable. Some onlooker, someone with an interest in one of the people, etc.

The only real solution I see is to try to limit the suffering caused, while keeping in mind your own. Some balancing act that neither takes too much, or deprives yourself too much.

Excessive worry over some matters likely is causing more suffering than is needed.
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Budai
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by Budai »

Certainly, it’s important to care about everyone involved and treat them as you would treat yourself. The purpose of Anatta is to be selfless and to strive to do Buddha activities constantly in life. Cultivating Compassion and Wisdom I think on the Noble Eightfold Path would help one make the correct decisions, especially if one understands the truths of Dukkha that Jesse was mentioning, in the Four Noble Truths. The right decisions come up when we are treading towards Enlightenment and cultivating Bodhicitta, and selfishness comes up when we give up Anatta. This is what I have learned from Buddhism and I believe it to be the correct Way. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. :smile:
Giovanni
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by Giovanni »

Anatta has no purpose. It is not quality or virtue. It is simply reality. That is like saying that the purpose of gravity is to stop us being weightless.
Gravity is a natural phenomenon. It has no purpose.
Anatta is one of the three signs of being. It’s the absence of something..it’s the absence of a permanent self.
Not a device to make us more kindly.
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by SilenceMonkey »

Könchok Chödrak wrote: Sat May 22, 2021 6:59 pm Certainly, it’s important to care about everyone involved and treat them as you would treat yourself. The purpose of Anatta is to be selfless and to strive to do Buddha activities constantly in life. Cultivating Compassion and Wisdom I think on the Noble Eightfold Path would help one make the correct decisions, especially if one understands the truths of Dukkha that Jesse was mentioning, in the Four Noble Truths. The right decisions come up when we are treading towards Enlightenment and cultivating Bodhicitta, and selfishness comes up when we give up Anatta. This is what I have learned from Buddhism and I believe it to be the correct Way. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. :smile:
You’re confusing anatta with bodhicitta.
Giovanni
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by Giovanni »

SilenceMonkey wrote: Sat May 22, 2021 11:18 pm
Könchok Chödrak wrote: Sat May 22, 2021 6:59 pm Certainly, it’s important to care about everyone involved and treat them as you would treat yourself. The purpose of Anatta is to be selfless and to strive to do Buddha activities constantly in life. Cultivating Compassion and Wisdom I think on the Noble Eightfold Path would help one make the correct decisions, especially if one understands the truths of Dukkha that Jesse was mentioning, in the Four Noble Truths. The right decisions come up when we are treading towards Enlightenment and cultivating Bodhicitta, and selfishness comes up when we give up Anatta. This is what I have learned from Buddhism and I believe it to be the correct Way. Nam Myoho Renge Kyo. :smile:
You’re confusing anatta with bodhicitta.
Ah yes. I think you are correct..
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Minobu
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Re: Is it adultery if my partner is still married?

Post by Minobu »

stillnesscalls wrote: Tue Jan 26, 2021 2:57 am Hi everyone. Lately it came to my realization that I'm probably creating bad karma and feeling some blockages, because my partner of 3 years now is still legally married. She wasn't able to get divorced because her husband is making it difficult to proceed with the documentation. By kissing her and sleeping with her, am I creating bad karma? Is it considered adultery even if she is emotionally disconnected to her husband and vice versa? May I add that they were already separated when we started dating. Thank you.
by whose authority are they married ..

if they no longer act as a couple ,married and in love...it's all over.

Like Lord Buddha said ...always question authority.

And as my Rinpoche said ..who gives what authority to these men who tell you how to live...
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