I came down with food poisoning 2 days ago. Reaaaaally unwell! I have chanted the short medicine Buddha a few times (as in 108) but I have a feeling there are bigger things to worry about. I am looking after myself to the best of my ability! Keeping myself hydrated and nibbling Pringles slowly. I have stomach problems which are going to town on me at the minute, feels like its on fire!
Anyways, the main aim of my prayers, both at home at during medicine puja ceremonies are for my father. He is getting older and reaching retirement (he's 61) but he is starting to doubt himself. He hates growing old and is getting very angry. He can't do as much around the house in terms of DIY so i help him out. He loves to make 1:43 scale diecast models but as he has gotten older he keeps making mistakes, just an example of his fustrations. I feel that he's worried he failed as a Dad because of the problems I had earlier in life.
It breaks my heart to see him so depressed. He is an angry man, right wing and I suppose looking for someone to blame. But underneath he's the best father anyone could ask for. He has given up everything for his family. Works long and tough jobs and gave me (despite my past) some very good morals. When i went through a tough few years that really affected me and the family he was so patient.. I couldn't have got to this point without him. I pray daily that he finds peace in himself but I know he probably wont.
I just hope and pray he doesn't become bitter and unhappy. This is a good man with some slightly messed up views. I suppose like myself he always expects more, expects he could've done better. Bhava Tanha (i think i spelt it right.) He expects too much of himself. He has developed IBS from stress, has high blood pressure and: like i said earlier is growing bitter and angry. I am worried one day he'll have a heart attack. He never directs his anger at anyone but himself.