Practising with a new family

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Practising with a new family

Postby beautiful breath » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:01 am

I have recently aquired a new family - well my partner has moved in with her 11yo son. Its all good but the new dynamic makes normal practice difficult. for example, getting up at 5am to practice is not going to go down to well - unless I return to bed afterwards ... that's going to give me more to think about than I need when sitting. How do others manage?

Thanks,

BB
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Dave The Seeker » Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:00 am

I am working through the same dilemma in a way.

When my girl and her daughters moved back in I lost the room which I used for my Shrine room.
I am trying now to get a room built in my out building, so I can do my practice there. As a Shrine in a bedroom isn't the best place as has been strongly suggested. So right now my practice is not on a regular basis at all. Just do my best in my day to day activities to be Mindful.
Do you have an option of another "place" to practice? Possibly a garage or shed in the backyard?

Kindest wishes, Dave
Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby beautiful breath » Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:53 am

...thanks. The location isn't an issue. How can I put this... :broke: its me getting out of bed so early that she's not happy with. Problem is that's when I meditate and the only current option is to return after my session! It might sound fickle but its a big deal for her as she has no interest in Buddhism. She isn't demanding that I return or don't get up, but I know it'll be a struggle for her to understand/accept.

BB
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Dave The Seeker » Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:09 pm

Ahhh I see. I guess I'm lucky that way, I'm always up early and my girl doesn't have a problem with that.
But also, in a situation where a couple begins to live together, there will be difficulties in 'adjusting' to the others habits or schedule if you will.
This one seems to be a not so big one. But in her eyes I guess it is. There is always a bit of give and take in these situations. What you're doing isn't something that causes harm to the relationship, so she should understand that it's 'just what you do' at that time of day. It's your morning routine. I hope this works out for you and her quickly and without too many challenges.

Kindest wishes, Dave
Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby justsit » Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:23 pm

A new family is practice. :smile:
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Seishin » Wed Apr 18, 2012 1:37 pm

Give it time. My wife is christian and at first she was skeptical about practice at home, but now she's used to it. There is of course always give and take, for example, it's not always at the same time every day, and I usually have to tailor my practice to suite a particular time frame. This has become even more of a learning curve since I became a daddy :)

Gassho,
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby beautiful breath » Wed Apr 18, 2012 2:30 pm

justsit wrote:A new family is practice. :smile:



Haha! Tell her that! Remember she is Mrs Conventional Reality (my teacher in that respect)!
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Caz » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:33 pm

beautiful breath wrote:I have recently aquired a new family - well my partner has moved in with her 11yo son. Its all good but the new dynamic makes normal practice difficult. for example, getting up at 5am to practice is not going to go down to well - unless I return to bed afterwards ... that's going to give me more to think about than I need when sitting. How do others manage?

Thanks,

BB


She'll get used to it :)
Abandoning Dharma is, in the final analysis, disparaging the Hinayana because of the Mahayana; favoring the Hinayana on account of the Mahayana; playing off sutra against tantra; playing off the four classes of the tantras against each other; favoring one of the Tibetan schools—the Sakya, Gelug, Kagyu, or Nyingma—and disparaging the rest; and so on. In other words, we abandon Dharma any time we favor our own tenets and disparage the rest.

Liberation in the Palm of your hand~Kyabje Pabongkha Rinpoche.
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby catmoon » Wed Apr 18, 2012 10:58 pm

Hell, I got used to Caz, anything's possible!

Good to see ya again btw.
Sergeant Schultz knew everything there was to know.
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Caz » Wed Apr 18, 2012 11:52 pm

catmoon wrote:Hell, I got used to Caz, anything's possible!

Good to see ya again btw.


I'am always about :popcorn:
Abandoning Dharma is, in the final analysis, disparaging the Hinayana because of the Mahayana; favoring the Hinayana on account of the Mahayana; playing off sutra against tantra; playing off the four classes of the tantras against each other; favoring one of the Tibetan schools—the Sakya, Gelug, Kagyu, or Nyingma—and disparaging the rest; and so on. In other words, we abandon Dharma any time we favor our own tenets and disparage the rest.

Liberation in the Palm of your hand~Kyabje Pabongkha Rinpoche.
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby beautiful breath » Thu Apr 19, 2012 1:40 pm

Alrighty then...
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Dechen Norbu » Fri Apr 20, 2012 11:23 am

beautiful breath wrote:...thanks. The location isn't an issue. How can I put this... :broke: its me getting out of bed so early that she's not happy with. Problem is that's when I meditate and the only current option is to return after my session! It might sound fickle but its a big deal for her as she has no interest in Buddhism. She isn't demanding that I return or don't get up, but I know it'll be a struggle for her to understand/accept.

BB

I'm not seeing where you are harming her exactly. Does she complain about it? It seems to me that you are not doing anything that could annoy her, so what's the problem?
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby uan » Tue May 22, 2012 5:40 am

Dechen Norbu wrote:
beautiful breath wrote:...thanks. The location isn't an issue. How can I put this... :broke: its me getting out of bed so early that she's not happy with. Problem is that's when I meditate and the only current option is to return after my session! It might sound fickle but its a big deal for her as she has no interest in Buddhism. She isn't demanding that I return or don't get up, but I know it'll be a struggle for her to understand/accept.

BB

I'm not seeing where you are harming her exactly. Does she complain about it? It seems to me that you are not doing anything that could annoy her, so what's the problem?


Relationships can be a tricky thing. Having a partner get out of bed at 4 or 5 am every morning could be annoying (perhaps not for you). And the OP did indicate she's not happy with it. Having an 11 year old boy start living with you will probably require you to adapt quite a bit as well (I have a 12 yo son who can be annoying :rolling: ). In fact all of you will need to get used to each other. There will be complexities far beyond your practice and how you are affected.

This may actually be a good thing for your practice. It's one thing to practice in an environment you can control, it's another thing to integrate your practice into a broader, dynamic and intimate relationship. I think the consideration and thought you are putting into finding a balance speaks well for you and I'd trust that you will find a solution that works for everyone.
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Spirituality » Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:15 am

The Seeker wrote:I am working through the same dilemma in a way.

When my girl and her daughters moved back in I lost the room which I used for my Shrine room.
I am trying now to get a room built in my out building, so I can do my practice there. As a Shrine in a bedroom isn't the best place as has been strongly suggested. So right now my practice is not on a regular basis at all. Just do my best in my day to day activities to be Mindful.
Do you have an option of another "place" to practice? Possibly a garage or shed in the backyard?

Kindest wishes, Dave

I do think that the lamas would prefer you have some sort of shrine and regular meditation practice, even if it is in the bedroom, rather than none. Same with regular practice. I have quite good meditations on my bed, which I've always studied on, so the associations really aren't all to do with sleeping anyhow. I find that putting my meditation cushion, mala and meditation book on there turns it into a meditation spot for me. My altar is at the head of the bed on the window sill, so I can close the curtains on it when I use the bed as a bed, so to speak. the making of the bed in the morning is my 'cleaning of the place'. We're lay practitioners, we have to improvise. Saying Om Ah Hum as you turn some spot into your meditation spot ought to help turn it into a meditation spot where you can concentrate.
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Re: Practising with a new family

Postby Dave The Seeker » Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:03 pm

Thank you very much for that reply Spirituality.
I thought the same, but was informed another location would be more "proper" from members here.
Many of whom I respect their opinion.
here is a link to the thread:
viewtopic.php?f=77&t=7795&hilit=altar+in+bedroom

Kindest wishes, Dave
Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~
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Posts: 409
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Location: Reading MI USA


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