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Be Careful What You Wish For - Dhamma Wheel

Be Careful What You Wish For

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
sattva
Posts: 1248
Joined: Thu May 07, 2009 10:07 pm

Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby sattva » Mon Sep 20, 2010 3:57 am

I got some news today. I am trying to be clear why I am going to tell you about this. I am not sure I am looking for advice and it isn’t quite a vent on my part . I don’t think it is just wanting sympathy either . It is hard to put into words. Perhaps, I should also add here that I have been wishing for another alternative than going into a high-rise senior/disabled apartment.

My sister told me that she asked her husband for a divorce. There have been problems. At this point, it looks like it is going to happen. I did not bring up the idea of moving in with her, but felt that she would bring it up if it was something that she was considering. I have brought it up in the past in a half joking way about moving in with her should her husband leave.

She and my niece asked me to go out this evening for a bite to eat. My niece told me that they wanted to talk to me about something. They did talk about the possibility of me moving in on a trial basis (after my brother-in-law moves out).

I know that they were both surprised that I did not act more enthusiastic about it. One of the first points my sister made was that one thing that bothered her was my Buddhist stuff. She said that since I would be paying rent, what I did/had in my own room was up to me, but that she didn’t want it anywhere else. Now, I have to say that this is a very loose paraphrase because I was in shock from the beginning of what she said and it pointed out to me very clearly that the place wouldn’t be mine.

Now, you have to understand, I would never have put a statue or anything anywhere else in the house, except maybe a book if my eyes ever get better and I was in the process of reading it. What bothered me is that she had to bring that up and that by doing so in the way she did, it felt like a condemnation of who I am and what I believe.

Things going through my head.

I have become a closet Buddhist.

I don’t want to be a closet Buddhist.

I had a home once where I could practice and be who I was openly.

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion”. Henry David Thoreau

“Be careful what you wish for, because it might come true.”

Back to the conversation I sort of was numb after she had said that and I really couldn’t get pass her words on that. I do know that I found myself realizing that I didn’t think I would like living there and as I think of it now, I am aware that there may be hard feelings if I should say, “no”. I am actually hoping that they reconcile and that the offer will be taken off the table.

There were other things mentioned that didn’t sit too well. It feels like I will be used according to needs but expected not to have them myself. I think I would end up spending a lot of time alone in my room for privacy and the room feels smaller, though I don’t know for sure if it is, than the bedroom I have here now. I would also be sharing the house with a dog and cat. I wish like heck I had never given anyone the idea of my living there!

You know, my late husband had his faults and my life was not perfect, but sometimes you never know how good you had it or how bad it can get until things change. i am going to make another wish, but a more specific one. I won't hold my breath waiting for it to come through though....

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Ben
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby Ben » Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:14 am

“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

sattva
Posts: 1248
Joined: Thu May 07, 2009 10:07 pm

Re: Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby sattva » Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:20 am


shjohnk
Posts: 193
Joined: Wed Jul 15, 2009 2:19 am
Location: Shanghai, China
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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby shjohnk » Mon Sep 20, 2010 4:23 am

Hi Sattva,

Firstly, karuna to you for this situation :hug: reading your post, this question struck me: 'Do YOU want to move in with them?' Despite what you said about the fact that you have mentioned it to them before, it seems taht if you moved in you'd be doing THEM a favour. Why not just stay where you are living now? I'm sorry if there are some circumstances I'm not aware of that would compel you to move in with them, but it certainly doesn't seem like it'd be a conducive place for you to practice and it would probably do more harm than good to your relationship with your sister and niece. Hope it works out for you and may you be happy and well, and free to practice as you please :buddha1:

chownah
Posts: 6161
Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:19 pm

Re: Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby chownah » Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:27 pm

Sativa,
make a printout of this topic and give it to your sister asking her for a reply.
chownah

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Ytrog
Posts: 693
Joined: Thu Sep 16, 2010 4:50 pm
Location: The Netherlands, near Arnhem
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Re: Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby Ytrog » Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:47 am


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Laurens
Posts: 416
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2009 5:56 pm
Location: Norfolk, England

Re: Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby Laurens » Wed Sep 22, 2010 12:58 pm

what exactly is her problem with it?
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring."

Carl Sagan

chownah
Posts: 6161
Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:19 pm

Re: Be Careful What You Wish For

Postby chownah » Wed Sep 22, 2010 2:07 pm



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