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Friend is going to do something "unkoscher" - Dhamma Wheel

Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
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Annapurna
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Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby Annapurna » Mon Jul 26, 2010 12:05 pm

What would you do?

A friend is moving and is astonishing me with a coldness that I've never seen in her before. It could be her boyfriend is causing this...

Either way, as a single mother of 2 small children, she lived supported by the state and community.

In a house where she felt she got harrassed, not only by other renters, but also by some authorities of the community, or so she feels.

Now she doesn't want to cancel her rental there, but simply move out and drop the key in the mayorhouse.

I contradicted her and said in this way she would confirm all the suspicion she always encountered as justified, but she shook her head, spitefully biting her lip.

I also told her this would get reported to the new place, to which she replied she wouldn't apply for social help there because her boyfriend would be providing for her now.

Then I said: but what if he dies, and you come back here, to where you have support from your family???

Again, she bit her lips and shook her head.

To be honest, she is freaking me out with this incorrect behaviour.

What would you do?


She said she would be leaving the safety deposit behind, for damage...

But still!

It's pointless talking to her again, but she is making a mistake.


So far, everything the community did for her was for her benefit...

should I just watch this?
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/

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SDC
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby SDC » Mon Jul 26, 2010 1:01 pm


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Annapurna
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby Annapurna » Mon Jul 26, 2010 2:39 pm

http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/

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SDC
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby SDC » Mon Jul 26, 2010 4:20 pm

That's rough. She has quite a past to look back on. Probably why she's so inclined to make this move.

Her behavior seems deep rooted and it won't be easy for her to see it the way you do. And she has been cultivating this lifestyle for so long that it is normal for her.

I'm definitely not saying to give up on her, but if she is going to change it is going to be a gradual process far beyond simple reasoning. Just like our practice of the dhamma. She needs to see that a change is "good" for her and her children, and we all know "good" can mean something different to different people. It seems that all she sees is how "difficult" a change would be. So it's not a good thing as far as she is concerned. She just can't see it any other way. A turn around on that would be very difficult for her. There is only so much people are capable of, considering their habits and tendencies.

If the guy is good then that is relatively hopeful - not ideal, but not the worst thing. At least she'll be somewhat satisfied. Maybe he'll motivate her to be more proactive. Just stay supportive of her and continue to be an example. Hopefully she'll appreciate a more responsible lifestyle down the line.

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Ben
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby Ben » Mon Jul 26, 2010 7:58 pm

Hi Anna
If she is not going to listen to you - then you're just beating your head against a brick wall by trying to help her.
If she doesn't want your advice then so be it. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
You need to let her make her own mistakes and for her take responsibility for her actions.
Its probably the only way she is going to learn.
Don't you fall into the trap of taking responsibility for her.
Metta

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

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poto
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby poto » Mon Jul 26, 2010 10:41 pm

I would try to not worry about it so much.

Most of the time burnt bridges can be rebuilt.

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Annapurna
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby Annapurna » Tue Jul 27, 2010 6:54 am

http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/

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Annapurna
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby Annapurna » Tue Jul 27, 2010 6:55 am

http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/

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SDC
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby SDC » Tue Jul 27, 2010 5:33 pm


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Annapurna
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby Annapurna » Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:10 pm

Last edited by Annapurna on Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/

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Annapurna
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Re: Friend is going to do something "unkoscher"

Postby Annapurna » Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:11 pm

http://www.schmuckzauberei.blogspot.com/


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