Here I go again...!

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Here I go again...!

Postby beautiful breath » Thu Dec 15, 2011 11:48 am

Once again I have submerged myself into a 'relationship' with an wonderful woman but now its rocky and I am now experiencing the suffering that we all know is indemic in attachment....why do we do this??? Is the alternative really just to avoid relationships completely? :tantrum:
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby Konchog1 » Thu Dec 15, 2011 12:05 pm

beautiful breath wrote:Once again I have submerged myself into a 'relationship' with an wonderful woman but now its rocky and I am now experiencing the suffering that we all know is indemic in attachment....why do we do this??? Is the alternative really just to avoid relationships completely? :tantrum:
As I understand it, one should enjoy every moment. Be happy with the relationship. Even bad events are learning experiences. If you wake up tomorrow and she's serving you breakfast in bad and apologizes for being silly yesterday, shrug and eat breakfast. If you wake up tomorrow and her and your TV are gone, shrug and eat breakfast.

Relationships aren't the problem, attachment (to a certain result or set of behaviors) is the problem.
Equanimity is the ground. Love is the moisture. Compassion is the seed. Bodhicitta is the result.

-Paraphrase of Khensur Rinpoche Lobsang Tsephel citing the Guhyasamaja Tantra

"All memories and thoughts are the union of emptiness and knowing, the Mind.
Without attachment, self-liberating, like a snake in a knot.
Through the qualities of meditating in that way,
Mental obscurations are purified and the dharmakaya is attained."

-Ra Lotsawa, All-pervading Melodious Drumbeats
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby maybay » Thu Dec 15, 2011 2:22 pm

You write like it was a choice. What do you think?
People will know nothing and everything
Remember nothing and everything
Think nothing and everything
Do nothing and everything
- Machig Labdron
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby mint » Thu Dec 15, 2011 3:06 pm

Relationships are good. They are how we cultivate bodhicitta.

I love and care for my girlfriend to the point that, yes, it could be easily be classified as afflictive attachment. But she is also a prime source of my motivation. Because of her, I better understand the four immeasurables and I am better able to practice them. Because of her, I am given plenteous moments to exercise the six paramitas, especially patience! :lol: I truly consider her a guru because, without an actual guru at the moment, my practice would otherwise be stale, easy-going, dry, and unproductive.

Have you read this thread before?

viewtopic.php?f=77&t=5062
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby ronnewmexico » Thu Dec 15, 2011 8:05 pm

Tibetan buddhism includes many examples of conidered realized teachers or masters, gurus, being of the householder type some with many children, and a couple with several spouses....so this is not automatically a prerequisit for attainment..having not that status.

Millarepas teacher by most accounts a householder, MIllarepas most famous student a monastic....so it goes, both ways it seems.
"This order considers that progress can be achieved more rapidly during a single month of self-transformation through terrifying conditions in rough terrain and in "the abode of harmful forces" than through meditating for a period of three years in towns and monasteries"....Takpo Tashi Namgyal.
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby beautiful breath » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:17 pm

If you wake up tomorrow and her and your TV are gone, shrug and eat breakfast.


...sorry but thats not practical advice and frankly unattainable until enlightend... Not very helpful sorry :shrug:
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby ronnewmexico » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:26 pm

We do this mainly because of that thing. Why does thag thing exist...., because of this other thing, self and other.
A form of discrimination is a bit be it.
So should we nondiscriminate as remedy...no that is not possible.

WE may endeavor to make that thing another thing of more amenable property.
So it becomes for most intents and purposes a thing of compassion.
And from that.... it matters not seemingly what happens with another as long as perhaps that other is happy.

So we may find other does better without one or another so that is compassion itself manifest if that is what one finds.

So how could we have a bad outcome from that?
Another could perhaps not realize that but what matter that?
RElationships are not necessarily attachments...they are two different things. RElation to attached to....not the same.
"This order considers that progress can be achieved more rapidly during a single month of self-transformation through terrifying conditions in rough terrain and in "the abode of harmful forces" than through meditating for a period of three years in towns and monasteries"....Takpo Tashi Namgyal.
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby beautiful breath » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:30 pm

...see at this moment in time I am thinking why on earth have I allowed myself to get involved again...it feels like I have purposefully taken crack cocaine knowing that the addiction will begin....I feel foolish somehow
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby mint » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:40 pm

beautiful breath wrote:...see at this moment in time I am thinking why on earth have I allowed myself to get involved again...it feels like I have purposefully taken crack cocaine knowing that the addiction will begin....I feel foolish somehow


You got involved because you're human and you're karmically predisposed to getting involved. And it's nothing to beat yourself up over.

If you're going to beat yourself over a relationship, why not beat yourself up over your pride and ego which is what is causing you to beat yourself up over a romantic relationship?
Last edited by mint on Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby Blue Garuda » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:41 pm

Giving love without expectation of reciprocation is good practice.

Forming an attachment on the basis of one's own well-being is surely not as strong as wishing the other person to be happy and rejoicing in their happiness even if they leave us.

We can keep love and compassion, and give love - that's perfect - but the reality is that we're in the samsaric soup and many (most?) of us end up with messy relationships, attachments and a roller-coaster of emotions.

Why? Because we seek our own happiness - and we can also feel happy for the other person and feed off each other's positive vibes.

I'm interested in why we end a relationship. I don't often hear that a person ends a relationship out of compassion for the other person who we feel may be better off without us, and maybe even better off with another person. That's really tough - hardcore compassion.
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Re: Here I go again...!

Postby ronnewmexico » Thu Dec 15, 2011 9:44 pm

Well it is quite silly. To consider our state as human.......... it is impossible to not feel that we must have that thing.

The trick to it is having the relationship without the attachment.
Attachment with relationship...no matter how well managed to the upmost degree...pain will in some manner or form present. Not now later, later maybe not now...but it will.

We can't remove our discrimination aspect of awareness by knowing such discrimination causes at times pain. It is natural to us to see what is alike and disalike and some of that is in this thing of human relationship of this sort.
To live as a crack addict just without that thing...no it is not the same.This thing relationship is formed from a natural part of our awareness which is always present as human in this form.

So we must manage it. To manage it means with no attachment to it. It can and will then produce never hurt. We want always what is best for the one in the relationship not us....so how can we be hurt?
They hurt themselves perhaps....still it may be what they want to do and think that produces them, the most happiness...so we can't stand in the way of that as well.... to think for them means........... them as object..which is never a good healthful thing in relationship. That is child to parent relationship not equal. And who would want the former...none thinking about it, in this form.

We must of course then be aware of what type of relationship we are looking for unconsciously perhaps, so we don't fall into tendency of
habit. Are we replicating a past thing in a present circumtance?
In any event in all kinds it is attachment which is most detrimental.
.
"This order considers that progress can be achieved more rapidly during a single month of self-transformation through terrifying conditions in rough terrain and in "the abode of harmful forces" than through meditating for a period of three years in towns and monasteries"....Takpo Tashi Namgyal.
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