Read this below.
I stole it from another post on another topic...I apolgise to the original poster, but it may seem relevant to your problem.
Don't Meditate! Don't meditate! Don't meditate with the mind!
The mind's meditation amounts to deluded thoughts.
Thoughts bind you to cyclic existence.
With release from the mind, there is no meditation.
In space, emptiness without awareness,
tame the root of the mind endowed with awareness.
Tame it's root and relax.
Not sure if that is your problem...but maybe your true path is other than the normal path.
There are thousand's of paths to the top of the mountain. Some go one way, others take another.
Some take a roundabout path, some climb directly. Only you know the path that is right for you.
Do not become bound to meaningless forms and attachments.
Like a young child, if it is now time to walk, stand up on your own two legs and walk.
Shame on you Shakyamuni for setting the precedent of leaving home.
Did you think it was not there--
in your wife's lovely face
in your baby's laughter?
Did you think you had to go elsewhere (simply) to find it?
from - Judyth Collin
The Layman's Lament
From What Book, 1998, p. 52
Edited by Gary Gach