To Jikan : Thank you so much for your kind words!
I notice that the link on the signature of your post says Tendai in it! I was wondering, im believe you probably have much more experience with Tendai than i do, when i go live in the mountains and practice in the monastery, how will my relationship with my mother improve? I dont think ill be going on the computer or using a telephone at all while im there (i know for a fact these mountains are bad for internet connection AND phones, even the mountains i live in now arent very good for these two things). Do you mean our current relationship will improve, even though our future relationship will probably be somewhat non-existent for a time?
To Pema : Its funny that you say this about my circumstance being difficult. I was recently talking to friend of mine whos a monk in the Gelug tradition and he was telling me its strange that a person like me (whatever that means
) was born into such a dysfunctional atmosphere, ( i think he said something about my drive or my intelligence, though in my honest opinion i think i come off as one with a lot more drive and intelligence than i actually have!
) with my somewhat chaotic childhood (having lived in 35 different homes by the time i was 13 and the fact that my grandpa disowned me at 8 and my father at 12) somehow still wound up at a dharma center, with the ultimate "goal"
(a dangerous word to use, i know) of realization. Thank you also for saying that it seems i have a good head on my shoulders!
I hope youre right
I realize now too, what you meant when you said i should be careful how i speak. Your'e completely right. Its almost close to the example that iv'e heard about the Buddha being able to speak countless different dialects (i only say countless because i myself am unaware of how many myself) when in foreign land. Not only would this help my current situation, with my explanations, but it would also help in the future when i accrue the merit needed to develop wisdom. Perhaps i shouldn't think of it as bending to the whims of others as much as developing enough compassion to assume a proper role in situations. Im sure if i follow your advice i will be able to increase my potential infinitely. So again, thank you so much
To Dakini : Your'e very right! Its much more appropriate to disarm an argument than it is to further the conflict, whether the furthering is accidental or not. She was taking an active interest in Buddhism a few years ago but she never really followed my advice and did any more research on topics. I know she's very busy working all of the time because she is, unfortunately, caught up in samsara (no more or less than most though). Its just that the past week or so she's been so depressed about my move, since i just moved about 3 months ago from ohio to california. (which is also weird to me because when i lived in ohio she didnt really try to keep that in touch. i guess you dont know what you've got til its gone, like they say) I just got an email from her today thats already showing she's understand at least a LITTLE bit more, the email basically said "please explain more about what you will be doing specifically, so that i can try to understand" (even though thats what ive been trying to do all this time, haha, but perhaps now that shes more calm it will sink in better. plus with all of the advice from you wonderful people, it should sink in even deeper now
) Thank you for your advice, ill be sure to use it to the best of my ability!
To Deepblue : Wow, thats a great aspect to keep in mind. I have a shaman friend in Ecuador who kind of says similar things but who has not yet had the time to devote a response to my email. I very much appreciate your personal experience also
. I have also had a similar experience with my ex, though not as powerful as yours, so its a great way to think about our bonds with certain people. Perhaps in my practice ill be able to feel these energies better so that i can use them properly in my relationships.
Thank you all so much for the warmth, experience and time you've put into your responses. I hope you accrue mountains of merit (as im sure you are) from doing so.
If anybody has anymore ideas please feel free to expound!