Sad, sob story

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

Thanks, username. You seem to know me very well, even just from what I have written.

[username]

Highs and lows always come and go, hang in there, you'll be just fine my friend. With love to you.

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

I still have lingering doubt. I tried to kill myself last year. That would be breaking the bodhisattva vows and in any case very heavy karma, would it not?

[username]

There are near infinite world systems and dimennsions and life-forms. To have a human rebirth is extremely rare and precious and due to previous good karma. Problem with suicide is that it's extreme bad karma ripens quickly and one usually finds oneself in a much worse world system and life-form and situation. Like I said the bottom line is if not improving, find a good therapist and start talking to her/him in person.

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

Just had a spell of depression. Again stopped formal practice for a few days. This always happens.

[LastLegend]

Death by suicide is no joke. If you hung yourself and died, every 7 days, you will die again by hanging yourself. Very painful experience, so I have been taught.

[spanda]

Hi

You should also try to contact Brain Bio Center (http://www.foodforthebrain.org/) or Pfeiffer Center (http://www.hriptc.org)
From what I know, this are the only place in the world where, if you have a diagnosis like schizophrenia or something like this, they investigate a number of other possible explanations for this, like: blood sugar imbalances, essential fat imbalances, niacin deficiency, methylation problems, pyroluria, food allergies, etc. There are a lot of case of people diagnosed with something like this, which in fact proved to be something else (ex: gluten sensibilities, etc).

[gnegirl]

Just had a spell of depression. Again stopped formal practice for a few days. This always happens.

Please take care of yourself. Personally, worry more about recovering from your illness than the practise. If you can manage it (practises), thats probably good, but if not, you are sick after all.

[username]

Hi Gyaltsen Tashi,

In the short term you need to be stabilized by a Clinical Psychologist probably using medications and in the long term you need ongoing therapy to talk to someone. It seems your doctor has already refered you to specialists and you have a diagnosis. It basically is no good to seek the wrong tools for any job, ie: people on a forum who do not have any personal physical close contact with you and can not help you in an essential manner. However it is good that you post here and get messages of support from your brothers and sisters who are more experienced in either having depressions and conditions or are therapists in various modes or are just kind loving hearts as we see from messages all over this thread and forum. So do continue to post about it but also treat the root cause by going into the essence of the problem. All the obstacles you imagine in going to ask your psychologist for help are false illusions. Go and talk to him/her as soon as possible and seek immediate help. In the medium term if you are not happy change the psychologist and/or the therapist. Take things one day at a time. You don't have to plan and problem-solve the long term now. Things are always in flux and most contingency plans self cancel. So don't worry and just deal with any current day or even moment when down. Don't have unfounded false guilt trips about missing practice or anything else as I said before. You are pure so don't give yourself an unnecessary hard time regularly. Things get dark and then they get better and all over again. This is true for everyone to varying degrees. It will pass. I have heard that a suicide is so gross that 500 future lifetimes, immediate or close, end up in bad situations. Also know that many have been through your disease and have overcome it. Medical science is always progressing too. It might be cloudy for a few days but that is not going to last for ever and things always change. Keep us posted about things specially visiting the psychologist. With love.

[5heaps]

study as much dharma as possible

since youre struggling against phantoms, things that arent actually there, this can help your dharma practice very much
since the object of negation is so obviously conjured, made up

[muni]

Offering you a kathag, Gyaltsen Tashi.
May you get good help/support and harmony be restored.

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

Offering you a kathag, Gyaltsen Tashi.
May you get good help/support and harmony be restored.

Thanks, muni. But I'm not worthy of any offering.

[muni]

*In the midst of the mud, a pure lotus flower grows*.

In difficulties seeking refuge in the Dharma is really brave and great.
Take care of you, good help.

You are as worthy as all.

[Jamkar]

Hi Tashi,

am wondering if you are still there and if i am too late but sounds like you do need help. My Guru would told us to get psychiatric help if we suffer from problems that require that. Buddhism helps but it does not mean we can forget about getting actual help that would improve our condition. I myself suffer from chronic depression and dissociative identity disorder but they're both under control now after i see a psychiatrist on how to deal with them. It wasnt until then that i could focus on Dharma more.

Do endeavor to get help. Apologize to the parties involved and just get help before your proceed on the path. Buddhist masters have warned that people with mental issues should be careful when pursuing Buddhism and they will advice professional help as well. Please do not delay.

hope you get the proper treatment and that you recover well.

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

Depression. Then rage. Then depression.

I forgot why I bother with the Dharma. I was never in it in the first place. I have no refuge.

Listening to music all the time. To hell with practice. I can't generate a single kind thought. I never connected with my practice.

Vengeful fantasies, thoughts of causing trouble and suicide. But I don't dare to jump.

Monday I'm seeing a new pdoc.

Wrote on my Facebook "frak this world. Just frak it."

Just frak it.

[username]

Rage? That's the spirit, excellent. Don't fight it till it runs it's course and observe it as though under a microscope and don't oppose it when it returns.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?hl=en&v=qBI_Av00_Fo

[Gyaltsen Tashi]

This Dharma business isn't working out for me. Maybe I wished that it would solve all my problems. Maybe what Namdrol said in another thread applied to me: Dharma isn't therapy. Anyway, I'm leaving it until I find out why I am still living, what I want out of life and why I should bother with this Dharma business....

[username]

Sounds good advice and right tool for each job, give the new doc a chance. Good luck.

[LastLegend]

I beg to differ. Dharma is therapy but it depends on which branch of Dharma you are following. And in the eye of Buddha, we all are very sick.

[username]

I beg to differ. Dharma is therapy but it depends on which branch of Dharma you are following. And in the eye of Buddha, we all are very sick.

First things first, for him at this stage, therapy is his dharma.