Merely Labeled wrote:
Am re-reading Reginald Ray`s `Secret of the Vajra World` and came across what I was trying to describe in my posts above:
" The lessening of discursiveness (through practice meditation)is usually experienced with great relief.
However the growing awareness of the level of chaos in one`s mind is sometimes extraordinarily painful.
It is as if the anesthetic of our habitual ignorance is beginning to wear off and we begin to feel the actual disease more acutely."
By the way, the heart ache is gone. To non-stop see the turbulent currents of the mind is still very unpleasant and I accept that it will stay this way for quite a long time. It is progress, though
Oh yes, this is a very familiar experience; however, it has to do with meditation involving conceptual mind, rather than recognition of rigpa. Such training, as in the cultivation of shamatha or concentrative stability, is probably a prerequisite to the doubtless recognition of rigpa for most people, though. And you're right, it is progress, because now you are aware of the condition your mind has been in all along. You're no longer in the dark about that, so it's generally really unpleasant even while it's a step in the right direction. But this is definitely distinct from the recognition of rigpa.
In rigpa, the observer and the observed naturally self-liberate so that although the apparent multiplicity of perceptions persists without anything being mixed up and thoughts may still arise, the experience of all this is said to be of one taste, and there is total freedom from objectification of anything or grasping or aversion or contrivance. This probably sounds cryptic, both because you're new to Dzogchen and because I lack the ability to meaningfully explain Dzogchen to anyone haha. But if you keep your interest in Dzogchen alive, listen to more and more Dzogchen teachings with masters like ChNN, and diligently apply the instructions, you'll definitely have some authentic experience of your own true nature, and it'll all be clear to you.