enitzirk wrote:Hi, I was wondering whether anyone could help me with this problem i got the other day. while i was just sitting, i felt completely aware, and noticed myself kind of "clearing" up. i then suddenly understood how our essence is all the same (buddha nature?) and although i find this a good thing i got this sudden fear of losing my personality. i know my personality is a changing process, but i fear that if everyone cleared themselves of afflictive thoughts and emotions, would we all just be like happy "clones" ? i found this a bit scary.
Thanks for any advice!
I had a very similar experience myself about two years ago, before I had a Buddhist teacher. I was doing shamatha very intensely for a long time and I suddenly had the horrifying feeling of myself being simply an empty illusion and I had a fear of losing my usual conception of myself.
I was so concerned at that time that I emailed a very kind Nyingma lama. Here is a quote from his reply to me:
"At first, the empty quality of experience can feel new and strange. Often fear may arise. However, this is generally just part of the process of getting used to how things are. There is no need to fear becoming stuck in emptiness for emptiness and form are inseparable. You are just tuning into a dimension of your being that you usually ignore. Again, it is important to find and work with a teacher over time to help guide you in practice, but what you describe is not unique or dangerous."
And like Ngawang Drolma said, great masters who experience this (and more!) all the time still have personalities and are able to enjoy themselves.
So, there's no need to worry. Although you could also try a different type of meditation if this feeling is becoming an obstacle for you. Of course, finding a good Buddhist teacher and asking him/her what to do is always the best option.