Correct me if I'm wrong, from what I see, you seem like you wish to be a Samyaksambuddha. Someone whos discovers the dhamma without refering to books or studies that the buddha has already taught us.[u][i]I thinks I had answered that[/i]
Samyaksambuddhas (Pali: sammasambuddha) gain Nirvana by their own efforts, and discover the Dhamma without having a teacher to point it out. They then lead others to enlightenment by teaching the Dhamma in a time or world where it has been forgotten or has not been taught before, because a Samyaksambuddha does not depend upon a tradition that stretches back to a previous Samyaksambuddha, but instead discovers the path anew. The historical Buddha, Gautama Buddha, is considered a Samyaksambuddha. See also the list of 28 sammasambuddhas.
Three variations can be distinguished in the way of achieving Samyaksambuddha-hood. With more wisdom (prajñādhika), with more effort (vīryādhika) or with more faith (śraddhādhika). Śākyamuni was a Prajñādhika (through more wisdom) Buddha. The next Buddha of this world, Maitreya (Pāli: Metteyya) will be a Vīryādhika (through more effort) Buddha.
Firstly, I think that's very difficult, I think everyone would find it very difficult. Like you said, you already got half a foot in the coffin, why try to seek the truth on your own when the Buddha has already laid it out for you.[i
]In Buddha , we have to explore and find it our self . No materials / teaching including Siddharta's can show Buddha but can only help us to move to higher awareness .
Frankly , i think Mr Siddharta was wrongly quoted . His message / finding was wrongly interpret due to human ego / selfishness to learn but more on "teaching" others of what he believed regards to Mr Siddharta finding .
"Ehi Passiko" like the buddha said, which means try it yourself. No one is asking you to put complete faith in those teachings, but you can test it out, try it out, if it benefits you, if you think it's true, then accept it. If not, reject it.
IMO, Life is too short to spend the next few years of your life seeking the truth that is already known.
All I wish is to explain to my daughter before I die so that she will not suffer of fear on aging / sickness / death and understand Buddha.
It's like not believing what you see in the science textbook, so you pretend that it doesn't exist and try to discover science all over again. When you could actually read the textbook, and conduct experiments to see if what's in the book is true. It's like discovering gravity all over again... Why not just test if gravity exists, if it's true, accept it, if it isn't, forget it.
The fact is too many "master" , too many "writing" can be easily considered as referral to Buddha and mis-leading . Too many cooks spoil the soup .
Buddhism is now mixed with local culture / local belief with local practise due to what? DUE TO HUMAN EGO , everybody just want to teach .
The special thing about buddhism is that it can adapt into many cultures, and most of the time (if not always), not lose it's essence, not lose what the teaching is really about. It's like buddhism in Tibet and buddhism in China, in tibet, we have Vajrayana, which contains teachings of emptiness. And in China, we have Chan(Zen) Buddhism, which also teaches about emptiness. Some people like Chan buddhism and some people like Tibetan buddhism, but in essence, it's the same, they both teach the same things. However, some people still choose 1 over the other, it's not that they're entirely different, maybe on the appearance, they might be different, but in essence and some (if not all the) teachings, they're the same.
So, to sum all up,
Firstly, your concern is that you're afraid that what may seem like the buddha's teachings might not be the buddha's teaching. In other words, what we have been reading all along might be false.
It's not bad to question, but yeah, like the buddha said before, Ehi Passiko, go see for yourself. Most of us would prefer to practice and test it out ourselves than actually trying to discover the dhamma all over again. That may be very admirable, however, like we all know, life is too short.
Secondly, you think that what some masters are saying might not be true.
Like wise, again, we're not going to tell you "IT IS TRUE! BELIEVE IT!". Just a nice "Ehi Passiko"
Thirdly, I don't quite understand your theory on energy.
Fourthly, you mentioned about teachers becoming teachers because of their ego.
To be honest I'm not very well versed in the dharma, so I wouldn't dare touch the subject of ego. But I see having more teachers not as a problem, as long as they teach in accord with dharma, and is seen and tested by buddhist followers all around the world, if it's true, people will follow it, if not, people will avoid it.
Yeah so Ehi Passiko, dont be christopher columbus and discover america all over again, read the map, sail there and see if it exists. Same goes for the dharma, read up on what already exists, test and see if it's true, if it's true, accept it, if not, reject it.
(Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong)
Hope that answers some questions.
Namo Amituofo! _/\_