Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to date

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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Nighthawk » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:56 am

rory wrote:Listen to me: women share -they care about feelings and emotions. So when you describe yourself: say what you want in a relationship, do you want to be friends with things in common? What kind of activities do you enjoy doing, books reading, relationships, pets...SHARE YOUR FEELINGS. That's the 2nd most important thing you can ever learn about women.


This is terrible advice. One thing straight women absolutely despise are whiny sensitive men. I know this for a fact.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby garudha » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:47 am

rory wrote:
WOMEN WANT MEN TO LISTEN TO THEM. I wrote this in caps and bold as this is the most important thing you will ever learn about women.


What women think they want and what men know they need are totally different.

You might think, I'm saying this as a typical arrogant male, and this attitude personifies that which you find unattractive in men.

Yet, other women would find my attitude truthful. Really; it's not about men or women as these are simply archetypal principles which we grab onto to divide the world and containerise out own emotions.

Please listen to yourself and realise that you are assigning blame.

The mind is so complex that you might even believe the above line to be false and that you were simply offering advice, which of course you were, no doubt about it... As am I. ; )
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby AlexanderS » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:51 am

Different women have different preferences.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby garudha » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:55 am

Nighthawk wrote:
rory wrote:Listen to me: women share -they care about feelings and emotions. So when you describe yourself: say what you want in a relationship, do you want to be friends with things in common? What kind of activities do you enjoy doing, books reading, relationships, pets...SHARE YOUR FEELINGS. That's the 2nd most important thing you can ever learn about women.


This is terrible advice. One thing straight women absolutely despise are whiny sensitive men. I know this for a fact.


Yes, when compassion overrules wisdom then women see men as weak.

But that's not to say that women don't need men who are flowing with boundless compassion... far from it; women need balanced men.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby garudha » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:57 am

AlexanderS wrote:Different women have different preferences.


A libertarian generalisation on a forum that addresses the absolute.

Who are these "different women" that you mention? I think these distinctions are empty and without merit.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby AlexanderS » Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:06 am

garudha wrote:
AlexanderS wrote:Different women have different preferences.


A libertarian generalisation on a forum that addresses the absolute.


There is no absolute in romantic preferences. I have no idea how libertarianism to dating.

However i would agree that from my experience that women likes a man who expresses positive emotions. They don't like it when we express insecurity or sadness. At least not until you are in a longterm and serious relationship where you've gone past the inital charades.

In my opinion though, the women who are worth keeping are attracted to kind and compassionate men. For me it's mostly when women are teenagers that they want the popular asshole type.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby AlexanderS » Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:11 am

garudha wrote:
AlexanderS wrote:Different women have different preferences.


Who are these "different women" that you mention? I think these distinctions are empty and without merit.


There are around 3 billion women on this planet. Variety is inevitable.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Anders » Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:46 am

I generally find that men succesful in dating women give much better advice than women on how to attract other women. And no, presenting your feelings and sensitivity isn't generally what women initially find attractive.

There are some basic primitive attractors that will help a lot. Look good, dress nicely and be presentable, value good manners.

Then some basic masculine attractors like being assertive and natural confidence / Don't be a such a pleaser and don't be desperate. Lots of guys spend years trying to either cultivate or fake these since they work very well. I think basically if you find something you love doing and get very good at that and generally endeavour not to sell yourself short in life you'll have come a long way. The whole "I'll fix my low confidence by being more confident" will only take you so far. You'll need to cultivate things in your life that actually makes you relaxed and confident of who you are and where you are going in your life.

On the plus side, if one really wants to get better at dating in the right way, you have a good incentive here to really improve your own life through this in order to improve your dating skills. :tongue: If you're too busy and passionate with all the other great stuff you've got going on your life that dating becomes more of a tertiary thing, dating will also become a lot easier.

If talking to women is a problem, you might need a bootcamp style "approach approach approach" programme for a while to get over yourself.

From there, just present yourself as you are without dressing it up or down. Your own stuff isn't necessarily that weird or that great to others and you don't need to decide for them what they should make of it.

The way I see it, you've got to learn to establish initial attraction somehow. From there, it's a matter of inviting women into your world and having them like that even more. If they don't, you've got to ask yourself whether you like what they don't like. If you do, then you've successfully screen an unsuitable partner. If you don't, you've found a point to develop yourself with.
"Even if my body should be burnt to death in the fires of hell
I would endure it for myriad lifetimes
As your companion in practice"

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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Nighthawk » Thu Mar 13, 2014 12:28 pm

Excellent post Anders, couldn't agree more. :cheers:
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby dzogchungpa » Thu Mar 13, 2014 11:27 pm

rory wrote:First of all I date online and it works great if - you're a lesbian (I am). Because women know how to talk to other women. Men care and talk about stuff and things eg: "I have a car, I have a job." And avoid any talk of game and marketing yourself. UGH.

And most women don't care about your abs or other physical measurements down below. Gay men do. This is a male obsession, women don't care at all.... WOMEN WANT MEN TO LISTEN TO THEM. I wrote this in caps and bold as this is the most important thing you will ever learn about women.

Listen to me: women share -they care about feelings and emotions. So when you describe yourself: say what you want in a relationship, do you want to be friends with things in common? What kind of activities do you enjoy doing, books reading, relationships, pets...SHARE YOUR FEELINGS. That's the 2nd most important thing you can ever learn about women.

I describe myself as a Buddhist and it's fine, it's considered normal if not cool.
finally do not ever listen to a male give you advice to snare a women. It works great with other males. If you want a genuine long-lasting relationship with a loving partner, share your feelings, hope, desires. Be honest and sincere.
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Rory

This post made me feel so trivialized, just totally reduced to a pathetic stereotype, so wounded, so hurt inside. :cry:

I really don't know if I can participate in this forum anymore. I'm going to go have a good sob now.

:crying:
Note that, in the higher tantras, there is talk of a self and an I, even though in the lower teachings the absence of self and the absence of I is what is always proclaimed. - Tony Duff
To educate the educated is notoriously difficult. - Jacques Barzun
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Nemo » Fri Mar 14, 2014 12:55 am

The two are not directly related. Following Dharma and dating.

I'm sure some women want a good listener, others want mind blowing sex without much chit chat. Many are hypnotized by abs and equipment. Some care mainly about your bank account. Some want a gentle soul to share their inner life. Some are more interested in the pillow talk after sex than the sex. Perhaps what you think about your lovers says more about you than it does about them. What you attract and who you choose.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Nighthawk » Fri Mar 14, 2014 2:20 am

dzogchungpa wrote:This post made me feel so trivialized, just totally reduced to a pathetic stereotype, so wounded, so hurt inside. :cry:

I really don't know if I can participate in this forum anymore. I'm going to go have a good sob now.

:crying:


guaranteed to get laid now, well done :applause:
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Nighthawk » Fri Mar 14, 2014 2:26 am

garudha wrote:
Nighthawk wrote:
rory wrote:Listen to me: women share -they care about feelings and emotions. So when you describe yourself: say what you want in a relationship, do you want to be friends with things in common? What kind of activities do you enjoy doing, books reading, relationships, pets...SHARE YOUR FEELINGS. That's the 2nd most important thing you can ever learn about women.


This is terrible advice. One thing straight women absolutely despise are whiny sensitive men. I know this for a fact.


Yes, when compassion overrules wisdom then women see men as weak.

But that's not to say that women don't need men who are flowing with boundless compassion... far from it; women need balanced men.


As long as pedastalising doesn't occur resulting in you being walked all over and the relationship ending in a train wreck
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Johnny Dangerous » Fri Mar 14, 2014 3:45 am

Nemo wrote:The two are not directly related. Following Dharma and dating.

I'm sure some women want a good listener, others want mind blowing sex without much chit chat. Many are hypnotized by abs and equipment. Some care mainly about your bank account. Some want a gentle soul to share their inner life. Some are more interested in the pillow talk after sex than the sex. Perhaps what you think about your lovers says more about you than it does about them. What you attract and who you choose.



:good:
"Just as a lotus does not grow out of a well-levelled soil but from the mire, in the same way the awakening mind
is not born in the hearts of disciples in whom the moisture of attachment has dried up. It grows instead in the hearts of ordinary sentient beings who possess in full the fetters of bondage." -Se Chilbu Choki Gyaltsen
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby dzogchungpa » Fri Mar 14, 2014 4:15 am

Nighthawk wrote:
dzogchungpa wrote:This post made me feel so trivialized, just totally reduced to a pathetic stereotype, so wounded, so hurt inside. :cry:

I really don't know if I can participate in this forum anymore. I'm going to go have a good sob now.

:crying:


guaranteed to get laid now, well done :applause:

:woohoo:
Note that, in the higher tantras, there is talk of a self and an I, even though in the lower teachings the absence of self and the absence of I is what is always proclaimed. - Tony Duff
To educate the educated is notoriously difficult. - Jacques Barzun
སརྦ་དྷརྨ་དྷཱ་ཏུ་ཨཱཏྨ་ཀོ་྅ཧཾ༔
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby TaTa » Fri Mar 14, 2014 2:25 pm

What works for me its not giving a frak about getting someone. Just giving my love without romantic expectations, beings nice to people in a dharma scence and magically ending up with someone from time to time =P
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby Johnny Dangerous » Sat Mar 15, 2014 6:29 am

I think TaTa is onto something.

Beyond that, if you get practiced at it, one thing that always works in dating, friendships or whatever, is to make the conversation mainly about the other person. If you do this you 'score points" by giving them opportunity to talk about whatever they wish, you make it optional as to whether or not you disclose your Dharma practice, and the whole situation is made easier, you can worry less about self-presentation and left the stuff about you come out naturally. it takes some practice, but I have seriously found this to be the best way to get to know people in general.
"Just as a lotus does not grow out of a well-levelled soil but from the mire, in the same way the awakening mind
is not born in the hearts of disciples in whom the moisture of attachment has dried up. It grows instead in the hearts of ordinary sentient beings who possess in full the fetters of bondage." -Se Chilbu Choki Gyaltsen
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby SaturnGreed » Thu Mar 20, 2014 5:13 am

TaTa wrote:What works for me its not giving a frak about getting someone. Just giving my love without romantic expectations, beings nice to people in a dharma scence and magically ending up with someone from time to time =P


Thats the perfect way to approach it imo. That and confidence.
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby odysseus » Thu Apr 10, 2014 11:21 am

odysseus wrote:
Stefos wrote:I've clearly explained my position, ladies seem to just not care!

Why is this? Especially when I'm being honest by stating "I'm not a fanatic or weirdo"??????


A thought: not everyone has a clue about Buddhism, so maybe be cautious about how much you expound yourself. I´m not on Facebook to date, but I said I´m a tantric buddhist and nothing more detailed.


To be honest - I´ve edited my "religion" on my Facebook profile dozens of times, because I wasn´t ready. I settled for "I don´t have a religion" and disclosed my conviction elsewhere on the Facebook profile. It´s up to others to call Buddhism a religion or not, it doesn´t bother me at all.

:crazy:
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Re: Dating and following Dharma...Why is it so difficult to

Postby dzogchungpa » Fri May 23, 2014 12:02 am

zyzz wrote:It's unfortunate that most of the brahs I see practicing Buddhism here ain't the most attractive lookin brah out there nomsayin? Many are the shy/unconfident nerdy types that are bad with women... so perhaps came to practice the Dharma as escapism?

My mom says I'm handsome.
Note that, in the higher tantras, there is talk of a self and an I, even though in the lower teachings the absence of self and the absence of I is what is always proclaimed. - Tony Duff
To educate the educated is notoriously difficult. - Jacques Barzun
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