Please help me with this "pausing"

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Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby emmapeach » Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:44 am

Hi there,

I'm reading Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance at the moment. She talks about pausing when you are anxious, ner vous, overwhelmed, angry...whatever situation occurs. She says you should pause and feel the emotions. I don#t quite get what she means, becaus ewhen I stop within a moment of whatever crappy emotion I feel and try enduring, experiencing this emotions it vanishes. I have to think those negative thoughts in order to feel this emotion she wants me to feel in detail. It is like one of those particels in quantum physcis that only appear when they are watched, only is it the other way round with me: I watch and it disappears. Maybe not the technique for me to follow?
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby Adamantine » Mon Jan 13, 2014 9:52 am

I think you're on the right track...keep it up!
Contentment is the ultimate wealth;
Detachment is the final happiness. ~Sri Saraha
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby emmapeach » Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:07 am

Really? I thought I should embrace this feeling...but if there is nothing to embrace because it is so "slippery" it slips out of my grip?
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby Simon E. » Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:37 am

I don't know this teacher Emma, but I don't think she means for you to focus on a particular feeling, rather to stay in awareness of whatever feelings arise without attraction or aversion.

:namaste:
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby Ayu » Mon Jan 13, 2014 10:38 am

This 'slipping out' is a very good object to observe.

If you are eager to watch this emotions, maybe you should try to remember them in a meditation. One can contemplate and remember this state even if it is gone.
But I would be very glad to have found such an easy method to disolve anger: "Just watch it and it vanishes" sounds wonderful. :smile:

And also observing how it is coming up, is very interesting and helpful.
I found out that my anger starts long, long time before it bursts out. It starts with a small loathing thought, which is so faint that i normaly can't hear it.
Because, if our mothers, who have been kind to us
From beginningless time, are suffering,
What can we do with (just) our own happiness?
From 10th of 37 Bodhisattva Practices
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby emmapeach » Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:23 am

Hello,

yes, probably you are right. I tmakes much more sense for me to just be aware of the feeling, step back, watch it, and see it dissolve. I feel anxiety, stress etc. so often that I rather don't want to indulge in these feelings any longer than necessary. Also I'm glad for any pause in which these feelings aren't there :tongue: : they come back soon enough.

Thanks!
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby Wayfarer » Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:25 am

She says you should pause and feel the emotions.


I think she means 'seeing them like they are'. Like instead of trying to change them, suppress them, or whatever, for one moment, simply be aware of what it is. Watch what happens. Observing is not the same as reacting. It creates a little bit of space instead of being swept along in the moment.

:namaste:
Learn to do good, refrain from evil, purify the mind ~ this is the teaching of the Buddhas
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby emmapeach » Mon Jan 13, 2014 12:45 pm

jeeprs wrote:
She says you should pause and feel the emotions.


I think she means 'seeing them like they are'. Like instead of trying to change them, suppress them, or whatever, for one moment, simply be aware of what it is. Watch what happens. Observing is not the same as reacting. It creates a little bit of space instead of being swept along in the moment.

:namaste:


This is what I am doing. I am well aware of the difference between observing and reacting. But I have to be quick with the observing :smile: ...only one more proof that it is all not true.
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby Jikan » Mon Jan 13, 2014 1:55 pm

Simon E. wrote:I don't know this teacher Emma, but I don't think she means for you to focus on a particular feeling, rather to stay in awareness of whatever feelings arise without attraction or aversion.

:namaste:


I think Simon has it right (I bolded the most important part). I've visited this teacher's center and listened to her teach.
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby seeker242 » Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:08 pm

emmapeach wrote:Hi there,

I'm reading Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance at the moment. She talks about pausing when you are anxious, ner vous, overwhelmed, angry...whatever situation occurs. She says you should pause and feel the emotions. I don#t quite get what she means, becaus ewhen I stop within a moment of whatever crappy emotion I feel and try enduring, experiencing this emotions it vanishes. I have to think those negative thoughts in order to feel this emotion she wants me to feel in detail. It is like one of those particels in quantum physcis that only appear when they are watched, only is it the other way round with me: I watch and it disappears. Maybe not the technique for me to follow?


That is precisely why she says to pause and watch it. Because in doing that, you can see it's true nature in that it is impermanent and empty of any real substance. When this is seen, it loses all it's power and disappears. She does not want you to cultivate such negative emotions, but just to pause and watch them when they are present. When they are no longer present, then there is nothing left to do. Most average people can't make their negative emotions disappear so easily. They just stay there like a thorn in the side. But If you step back and watch the thorn, it disappears. Which is the whole point of what she is getting at to begin with. :smile:
One should not kill any living being, nor cause it to be killed, nor should one incite any other to kill. Do never injure any being, whether strong or weak, in this entire universe!
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby emmapeach » Tue Jan 14, 2014 12:00 pm

Thanks for explaining all this to me. Yes, it is easy enough to see and feel these emotions vanish. They are immediately back when I think one of my negative thought, like a punch in my stomach, my throat is getting tight...so, my problem is rather those thoughts than the corresponding emotions. Today for example it is extremely difficult to get in a more calm, relaxed state. I don#t even have to think concrete thoughts, they are always there and with them those underlying emotions. Vicious circle.
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby Adamantine » Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:57 pm

emmapeach wrote:Thanks for explaining all this to me. Yes, it is easy enough to see and feel these emotions vanish. They are immediately back when I think one of my negative thought, like a punch in my stomach, my throat is getting tight...so, my problem is rather those thoughts than the corresponding emotions. Today for example it is extremely difficult to get in a more calm, relaxed state. I don#t even have to think concrete thoughts, they are always there and with them those underlying emotions. Vicious circle.



Yes, in Buddhism there are categorizations of types of thought based on experiential observation via refined meditative states. There are the standard gross level thoughts that are obvious and which we normally, and relatively easily, identify as "thought". But there are also subtler levels or undercurrents of thought which are more challenging to identify but which still (mis)direct our awareness and disperse our energy. Sometimes these subtle underlying thoughts are repetitively fanning the flames of some unpleasant storyline or negative emotion and locking us into a pattern of a negative or anxious state. If our practice is not well established, sometimes we need more of an outer kick to break this harmful lineage.. I mean this in the form of paying attention to outer contributing conditions that could be aggravating our subtle elements: habits of body and speech, not only mind (mind is not isolated). So, for instance, doing yoga practice that redirects or harmonizes the inner winds may be beneficial, or a more intensive physical exercise could also help break through... or adjusting one's diet, etc. --In particular, some modern socially acceptable stimulant drugs like caffeine in high quantities like that found in coffee, or nicotine, or similar-- can aggravate our mental states.. Or in the speech dimension, doing some chanting of sacred sound or mantra can also have a positive effect that could instill a shift in the minds patterning.. whereas idle and relatively meaningless chatter can further aggravate ones mind.. Just another thought/s..

Are you also incorporating a regular (daily) meditation practice of some kind? This is also bound to help. . . in fact it is the most essential.
Contentment is the ultimate wealth;
Detachment is the final happiness. ~Sri Saraha
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Re: Please help me with this "pausing"

Postby emmapeach » Tue Jan 14, 2014 6:26 pm

This makes perfect sense to me. Thank you!
Yes, I have begun (really just recently - before I read quite a lot, mainly about yoga - Patanjali, commentaries, Swami Shivananda etc. - books like "The biology of belief" etc. and then Mingyur Rinpoche, to get some knowledge about it all. I am like that, I need to have information.) with breathing exercises and then simple meditation practice, again with breathing - watching my breath. When thought take my mind away I try to come back to watching my breath. I can do it only for a few minutes but Mingyur Rinpoche says even one minute is enough and that you should try it several times a day. I try to remember that. Also, whenever I experience negative thought and feelings I step back and see what is going on. That helps quite a lot.

I am doing sports as well and that is also a great help - it makes me see things clearer, easier and I can get rid off those stress hormones.

I knwo it is important to stick to your exercises, your meditation and I know it is essential for me in order to make progress.
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