Well I don't have answers about squat, but i'll try to bring up something that is working for me that might relate, seems really banal but here goes:
I get mad constantly when I drive, to the degree that it's ended up in near fights due to clashes of my own road rage with others in the past.
I decided about a year ago that this was a great opportunity to at least chip away at some of my nonsense, so now every time I have some ridiculous fantasy about what a terrible person that driver is for cutting me off, making me late, flipping me off, or whatever silly thing my mind invents or focuses on about them, I do an exercise.
I make up stuff that person is going through, disease, death of loved ones, whatever. Just simple, basic things that so many people go through, chances are I am right a large portion of the time anyway. It didn't work at first, I had to really try every time I would feel the rage boiling up to sort of replace these thoughts, now it's starting to work a little on it's own, like i'll just look at someone driving and feel these things. Lots of times I still have to force it, but it IS changing and becoming more ingrained, and not feeling like a forced thing anymore. The funny thing is, when you think about it, this "forced Bodhicitta" is closer to these people's conventional reality than my fantasy of their awfulness probably is, so in a sense, this is not fake at all, it is just reminding myself of what people's state really is.
One of my teachers has said on this question something like "there is no real difference between an expert imitator and an expert", I take him to mean that eventually the difference dissolves.
See it as a bubble, see it as a mirage: one who regards the world this way the King of Death doesn't see.