flowerbudh wrote:Oh, I don't think Simon was being too harsh at all! Hehe. I've come to understand all of what you said Simon, but I'm very resistant to accepting it. I think "well, I can't help that I'm needy- that's just who I am! Of course I want to know I'm loved (especially by boys and men, I might add) bc I never got that as a child." Am I right? Is it okay for me to be needy? What's a better way of dealing with it... revealing my vulnerability in smaller doses? I've made a friend online and despite lightening up a little, I ask him if he loves me, what he loves about me, if he thinks I'm beautiful, etc. a lot and I always feel selfish afterwards. All of your views?
Don't worry, all of us crave attention, positive feedback-- every one of us wants to know that we are loved and doesn't want to feel unwanted or ignored, or insulted. That is human nature. There's really nothing wrong there from an average worldly point of view. In terms of needing an excess of male attention to compensate for a lack of love or appropriate care from your father: well that could become a problem if it's acted out in unhealthy ways which are disrespectful towards yourself or dangerous. It seems you already have a good degree of self-awareness about it so that seems to be a good sign. Discussing it with a psychologist or professional counselor of some kind could also be helpful.
From a Buddhist point of view we are always swinging back and forth between desire and aversion, non stop-- desire for attention or desire for pleasure, etc. and pushing away everything unpleasant including bad feelings= physical and mental pain, bad tastes, bad smells, loneliness, etc. Ultimately getting too caught and fixated in this roller coaster of craving and aversion will bring us more and more suffering: the suffering of not getting what we want, and of getting what we don't want. So through meditation we can slowly develop a capacity to dwell in states of equanimity: where pleasure and pain don't have the same intense reactions in us, but we see them as temporary arisings that will inevitably vanish or transform. Going further, through study and then through confirmation with experience we can see that all our experience is interdependent, and that we plant the seeds for our future positive or negative experiences through our own mental and physical actions. These are some of the basic foundations of looking at our experience from a Dharma point of view. There's a lot more too but it requires some dedication to practice and study to begin to understand fully and to develop any results. 15 is a great age to begin practice, -- life is short so an early start is a great thing. Hopefully this website resource can help you along the way.