I feel like I'm falling apart. I can't meditate, I can't sleep, I can hardly eat. I'm just depressed all the time. Thankfully I believe in Karma, otherwise I probably would have killed myself by now.
I'm gonna go to the doctors on monday and asked to be put back on anti depressants and also ask to see a psychotherapist. I thought Buddhism would help, but all the stories of hell realms and hungry ghost realms makes me feel worse. If the hell realm exists, I'm in it. It sure doesn't feel like I'm a human being.
"The original heart/mind shines like pure, clear water with the sweetest taste. But if the heart is pure, is our practice over? No, we must not cling even to this purity. We must go beyond all duality, all concepts, all bad, all good, all pure, all impure. We must go beyond self and nonself, beyond birth and death. When we see with the eye of wisdom, we know that the true Buddha is timeless, unborn, unrelated to any body, any history, any image. Buddha is the ground of all being, the realization of the truth of the unmoving mind.” Ajahn Chah