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Porn Free for 90 Days - Page 7 - Dhamma Wheel

Porn Free for 90 Days

Exploring Theravāda's connections to other paths. What can we learn from other traditions, religions and philosophies?
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Ben
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Location: kanamaluka

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Mon Apr 23, 2012 6:58 am

Dear members,
Once again - please return to topic. ( viewtopic.php?f=22&t=11563#p174892 )
Failure to abide by this reasonable request may result in disciplinary action.

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

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Ben
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Location: kanamaluka

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Mon Apr 23, 2012 7:21 am

Dear members,

Since there is a great deal of interest in masturbation and pornography and this thread is drawing a lot of tangential discussion on those topics.

Please keep in mind that this thread is for those who have made a public declaration of adhitthana to give up porn and masturbation, to diarise their 'progress', and for others to give their support. Any discussion which is tangential, however interesting and notworthy, does not belong here.

I have no problem with anyone starting a thread on some aspect of pornography or masturbation from any angle (Dhammic, social, neuroscientific, etc) that is of interest so long as it is in the most appropriate forum and that the new thread isn't a duplicate of existing threads. Please check the existing masturbation threads for similar content.

Out of respect for those who have, and are, undergoing what is a very difficult and personal challenge I would like the focus of the thread to remain on them, their struggles and achievements. I want those undergoing the 90-day challenge or a similar adhitthana to feel supported so that they're comfortable talking about what is a real difficulty in their life and for them to receive the support I believe they deserve.
Thank you again for your attention and cooperation.
kind regards,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

dhammapal
Posts: 1562
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:23 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Mon Apr 23, 2012 9:51 am

I lasted 168 days without porn until 7 days ago. I called my Buddhist friend and confessed (I e-mailed him last October when I stopped - I was fooled by a behavior therapy book that said pornography could help phobias) but searched again at midnight for a fantasy I had in a high school sex education class. I didn't find anything but just in the searching my heart was pounding and I see a cardiologist every 4 years. The next morning I was convinced it was something to avoid so I'm clean for 5 days.

My addiction was greatly reduced 8 years ago when I started donating money to the Rape Crisis Centre. I also started using medical terminology for parts of the anatomy e.g. mammary glands.

It is a big step forward to be able to confess to another Buddhist. When you keep it secret then the mind isn't honest to itself either.

With metta / dhammapal.






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Thales
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Thales » Mon Apr 23, 2012 11:34 pm



I'm starting to experience some of the symptoms he's talking about... the desensitization, even some mild ED. I don't have any specific goals, I'm just going to go porn free for as long as I can and see where it leads. Day 2. :toast:
"Just as the ocean has a single taste, the taste of salt, so this Dhamma and Discipline has a single taste, the taste of release."

~Ud 5.5

dhamma_newb
Posts: 307
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Tue Apr 24, 2012 3:18 pm

Thank you everyone for your feedback. I have learned much through this process, not just about addiction and craving for sensual pleasures but also about my relationship with meditation practice and with life. I started off on the Buddhist path with so many unrealistic expectations and the need for my practice to be perfect and have been greatly humbled by the mistakes I have made along the way. Meditation is so much more than I first believed, and it has revealed some sides of myself that have been hidden from view for most of my life, stuff that would have preferred to stay hidden. Becoming aware of the greed, hatred, and delusion that is a part of being human can be pretty horrifying. During this process I uncovered much guilt and shame which spiraled into aversion and self-hatred, but I wasn't aware of it. With so many defilements in the mind at once I was bound to fail, which ended up being a good thing.

This experience has taught me the value of having compassion along with mindfulness throughout my practice and my life. I've also learned the importance of being aware of the presence or absence of defilements in the mind. These insights are priceless and will help me immensely as I move forward.

As a side note, when I started this thread I didn't think there would be others here on the forum who are facing the same issue as me which was pretty naive on my part considering many of the members of the forum are around my age or younger and frequently use the internet. It wasn't my intention to start a crusade against porn or masturbation. For those of you who do decide to stop using pornography I wish you the best and advise you to really pay attention to what others have posted on this thread. Take care.

With Metta,
Don
The watched mind brings happiness.
Dhp 36

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.
Walt Whitman

dhammapal
Posts: 1562
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Location: Sydney, Australia

Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Wed Apr 25, 2012 10:42 am







dhammapal
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Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:52 pm

After writing that post I have decided to call my American Buddhist friend again to renew my resolve to completely lose interest in pornography.






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Ben
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:58 pm

Wishing you all every success.
kind regards,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

dhammapal
Posts: 1562
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:23 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Wed Apr 25, 2012 4:04 pm

I deleted the 17 nude photos off my computer and emptied the Recycle Bin!






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tiltbillings
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby tiltbillings » Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:39 am


User avatar
Ben
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Location: kanamaluka

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Ben » Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:24 am

Wise words, indeed, Tilt.

We need to be gentler on ourselves. As you know I have congratulated and encouraged those on this thread who have made a public declaration of adhitthana to overcome what is a significant demon in their lives. I was once in a very similar situation well over twenty-five years ago. And through the passage of time realized that it was my own approach to overcoming my sense attachment by sheer will was a significant part of the problem. I would be very gung ho, maintain the momentum, then stuggle, then acquiesce and then fall in a heap of feelings of inadequacy and self loathing. Then sometime later I would manage to resurrect the motivation to start all over again.
I hope this is not what is going on with some of our members and I do hope that they take the time to read, consider and implement your excellent advice.
kind regards,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

dhammapal
Posts: 1562
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:23 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:46 am







Sarva
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Sarva » Thu Apr 26, 2012 11:08 am

“Both formerly & now, it is only stress that I describe, and the cessation of stress.” — SN 22:86

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tiltbillings
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby tiltbillings » Thu Apr 26, 2012 6:19 pm


YouthThunder
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby YouthThunder » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:02 pm


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reflection
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby reflection » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:58 pm

Ok, me myself I turn out to be pretty bad at this refraining from sexual activity right now, so I guess I need to revise my tactics a bit. A year ago or so I did not have this craving much, and so I think I know how to overcome it -at least for a big part- if there is the drive to, but my conviction (call it faith if you will) is not big enough at this time. I hereby want to say I'll try to establish a daily practice to establish more conviction and see where it will bring me.

I have some ideas on how to do this but if anyone can share their ideas, that would be great. Right now I want to reflect on past experiences of not craving, project on how the future would be if I manage to abstain and how it'll ultimately lead to the Buddha's freedom. Also I want to start reading more about this. If there is something somebody can add, or a specific sutta or book reference, it'll make me very happy.

Metta to all especially those in similar circumstances,
Reflection

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Alex123
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby Alex123 » Thu Apr 26, 2012 9:08 pm

"Life is a struggle. Life will throw curveballs at you, it will humble you, it will attempt to break you down. And just when you think things are starting to look up, life will smack you back down with ruthless indifference..."

dhamma_newb
Posts: 307
Joined: Sat Dec 31, 2011 6:36 am

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhamma_newb » Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:06 pm

The watched mind brings happiness.
Dhp 36

I am larger and better than I thought. I did not know I held so much goodness.
Walt Whitman

dhammapal
Posts: 1562
Joined: Sun Nov 01, 2009 9:23 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby dhammapal » Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:43 am

Last edited by dhammapal on Fri Apr 27, 2012 9:00 am, edited 2 times in total.






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tiltbillings
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Re: Porn Free for 90 Days

Postby tiltbillings » Fri Apr 27, 2012 4:49 am



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