This is kind of a continuation of my "Third Eye" thread a few months ago. Long story short, we concluded I was seeing Nimittas. Last time I gave a description of these experiences Greg and said, "...If Motova wishes to discuss his experiences with people via Private Message, it is completely up to them, accounts of and discussion concerning his specific experiences in this thread are now officially over...". I don't want to cause a ruckus and anger Greg or any of the mods, but it's causing problems with my meditation and is causing me frustration. Someone referred me in pms to an online ebook on mahamudra found here: http://www.chagchen.com/index.htm
. I read it, but never tried going through the series of meditations because I am currently occupied with the practices in, "Mindfulness, Bliss, and beyond" by Ajahn Brahm (which perfectly described the flashes/orbs of light I was seeing, but not the smoke/mist). I emailed the Tibetan Buddhist temple I've visited twice already if I could have a meeting with the resident lama, however they haven't emailed me back (which I find odd because they are usually very quick on their replies) so I thought I would give this a try.
I guess this stuff started when I was around 12, when I began experiencing the visual phenomena labeled, "Visual Snow". Since then I haven't been able to appreciate the total darkness of my closed eyelids or the colour black. Fast forward to the age of 17, I was a regular user of pot (I've been clean for 2 months and I don't intend on smoking ever again
) and was exploring spirituality. I also found that pot really increased the vividness of the visual snow. I've had psychic experiences throughout my years, and was quite adamant on the existence of psychic phenomena but I wanted something more tangible I guess. At the time I was exploring the new age, paranormal, etc and came across the topic of the third eye, so I made the goal of trying to "open" it in order to experience a more "fuller" reality and "validate" spirituality for me. So I read some instructions that advised to visualize an indigo eye at your forehead opening. I only did this at most 3-4 times over a week, but it was in conjunction with marijuana and some mindfulness meditation (before and after). The results weren't immediate, but within 2-3 weeks I started seeing flashes of light. First white, but as time went on I saw different colours and more lights more frequently. This was both inside and outside meditation. By that time I was a pretty heavy user of marijuana, and was doing regular sessions of mindfulness meditation (just being mindful of the present and arising thoughts). And just like the visual snow, the marijuana seemed to increase the vividness and frequency of lights. As time went on I began to "see" concentrated coloured mist/smoke, kaleidoscope images and swirls.
So presently, I am no longer smoking weed and I don't even drink alcohol and have been sober for 2 months now. The chaotic nature of the visual phenomena is gone, and it's a lot more calmer. But it's still very lucid and dynamic. It goes without saying that it is distracting, however I have grown accustom to it so I can sort of zone it out when I am meditating. When I close my eyes my visual is like a mixture of coloured mist/smoke and kaleidoscope images moving in a very dynamic and fluid flow. Coupled with arising nimittas and the uncommon swirl. The main problem is not the distractive nature, but an illusion of depth from certain parts being occupied by mist/smoke and others not. This "depth" pulls my attention to that particular spot of my "vision", which causes me a lot of mental frustration because I want to pay attention to the centre of my vision but it's like this illusionary depth sort of 'controls' my attention (during meditation). Furthermore this illusion of depth makes me move my eyes to that area of my vision (even though I am perceiving these images with my mind) where it would be if I saw it physically, but I want to relax my eyes in their natural position (situated towards the centre), this causes physical strain and even more frustration.
Sometimes it's a problem, sometimes it's not. I like to meditate with my eyes closed and in the darkness, because I find partial light just complicates it more.
Also my eyes are healthy, besides my right eye being a little short sighted. I saw an optometrist earlier this year.