Thanks for your replies. It's always easy to reccomend that someone with depression go to see a doctor, be put on anti depressants, see a psychiatrist etc. To be honest I've lost all faith in doctors. In our capitalist society I've met too many doctors who are only too happy to just shove loads of pills down my throat. I've been on many different anti depressants over the past 15 years, and this is where it has got me, even more depressed than I was before. Meds just aren't an option for me anymore. This is why I became interested in Buddhism, and especially meditation, cos I want alternative ways to combat my "Mental illness". Usually the people who suggest meds are people who have never even been on them. They all have horrific side effects and I've had enough. I've been in therapy too for many years and have felt no progress at all.
"The original heart/mind shines like pure, clear water with the sweetest taste. But if the heart is pure, is our practice over? No, we must not cling even to this purity. We must go beyond all duality, all concepts, all bad, all good, all pure, all impure. We must go beyond self and nonself, beyond birth and death. When we see with the eye of wisdom, we know that the true Buddha is timeless, unborn, unrelated to any body, any history, any image. Buddha is the ground of all being, the realization of the truth of the unmoving mind.” Ajahn Chah