Celibacy

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Celibacy

Postby maxaroni13 » Fri Jul 19, 2013 8:55 pm

Need support becoming celibate please help support me somehow I am addicted to pornography would love to be celibate just don't know how someone please provide prayers aspirations etc scriptural resources
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Re: Celibacy

Postby Konchog1 » Fri Jul 19, 2013 9:16 pm

Celibacy is not having sex. Porn is not sex. That's the problem.

Start here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/
http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap

Install a parental blocker and go cold turkey. Good luck.

“Take the example of a poisoned arrow that makes a tiny surface wound. Before long, the poison from this wound will spread throughout the entire body. You must operate on the wound and remove the poison. Similarly, even when wrong behavior does not make anything more than a small wound in the mind, if you ignore it, it will quickly pervade your mind so that it becomes large. Therefore, from the start you must prevent wrongdoing before it takes place and, if it does happen, you must discontinue it immediately.”

- Lam Rim Chen Mo eng v02 pg. 204 tib pg. 444
Equanimity is the ground. Love is the moisture. Compassion is the seed. Bodhicitta is the result.

-Paraphrase of Khensur Rinpoche Lobsang Tsephel citing the Guhyasamaja Tantra

"All memories and thoughts are the union of emptiness and knowing, the Mind.
Without attachment, self-liberating, like a snake in a knot.
Through the qualities of meditating in that way,
Mental obscurations are purified and the dharmakaya is attained."

-Ra Lotsawa, All-pervading Melodious Drumbeats
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Re: Celibacy

Postby Ramon1920 » Fri Jul 19, 2013 10:10 pm

Focus on the parts that repulse you on their body. Think of their body as a corpse that has been animated, just a carcass that has yet to go cold or rot.

Also you can remove the root of the problem by investigating how you're mentally feeding on sex. The way your mind goes over sexual thoughts to get its kicks. The way you exaggerate the pleasurable feelings in the body. Also the identity you've built on being sexual and how you are gratified by being this kind of person and how silly that is.

When you cut out the root, it's not painful, it's like when you grow up and kid toys no longer have any interest for you. There's no sense of loss.
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Re: Celibacy

Postby Konchog1 » Fri Jul 19, 2013 10:56 pm

Ramon1920 wrote:Focus on the parts that repulse you on their body. Think of their body as a corpse that has been animated, just a carcass that has yet to go cold or rot.
I'm not sure this would work. Porn is addicting because of the dopamine rush from the novelty, not because the people in the images are attractive.

This would be good advice for sex addicts though.

Ramon1920 wrote:Also you can remove the root of the problem by investigating how you're mentally feeding on sex. The way your mind goes over sexual thoughts to get its kicks. The way you exaggerate the pleasurable feelings in the body. Also the identity you've built on being sexual and how you are gratified by being this kind of person and how silly that is.

When you cut out the root, it's not painful, it's like when you grow up and kid toys no longer have any interest for you. There's no sense of loss.
Agreed.
Equanimity is the ground. Love is the moisture. Compassion is the seed. Bodhicitta is the result.

-Paraphrase of Khensur Rinpoche Lobsang Tsephel citing the Guhyasamaja Tantra

"All memories and thoughts are the union of emptiness and knowing, the Mind.
Without attachment, self-liberating, like a snake in a knot.
Through the qualities of meditating in that way,
Mental obscurations are purified and the dharmakaya is attained."

-Ra Lotsawa, All-pervading Melodious Drumbeats
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Re: Celibacy

Postby maxaroni13 » Fri Jul 19, 2013 11:04 pm

Ty both for your help I don't think porn is sex I really would like to be celibate for rest of life though
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Re: Celibacy

Postby Motova » Sat Jul 20, 2013 3:31 am

Ramon1920 wrote:Focus on the parts that repulse you on their body. Think of their body as a corpse that has been animated, just a carcass that has yet to go cold or rot.

Also you can remove the root of the problem by investigating how you're mentally feeding on sex. The way your mind goes over sexual thoughts to get its kicks. The way you exaggerate the pleasurable feelings in the body. Also the identity you've built on being sexual and how you are gratified by being this kind of person and how silly that is.

When you cut out the root, it's not painful, it's like when you grow up and kid toys no longer have any interest for you. There's no sense of loss.


Thanks this was a very helpful posting. :twothumbsup:
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Re: Celibacy

Postby ground » Sat Jul 20, 2013 2:52 pm

maxaroni13 wrote:Need support becoming celibate please help support me somehow I am addicted to pornography would love to be celibate just don't know how someone please provide prayers aspirations etc scriptural resources

What is addiction to pornography? Why do you think you are addicted? Or is it that you just feel guilty due to your christian upbringing? :sage:
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Re: Celibacy

Postby JKhedrup » Sat Jul 20, 2013 4:32 pm

The other problem with pornography that people don't often think about are that the people paid to perform in it are often exploited, at higher risk for STDs, suffer disproportionately from psychiatric disorders and have a lower lifespan than the general population. So it is not just the viewer that is impacted, but also the people that work in that "industry".
A foolish man proclaims his qualifications,
A wise man keeps them secret within.
A straw floats on the surface of water,
But a precious gem placed upon it sinks to the depths
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Re: Celibacy

Postby smcj » Sat Jul 20, 2013 5:32 pm

What porn does is stimulate and amplify a specific defilement. In so doing it is the exact opposite of what Dharma practice is all about. The enjoyment of it is investing one's innate Buddha Nature into an impurity, and that is what powers the cycle of suffering. We have to choose to create our own suffering, so there has to be some enjoyment in the cycle.

Struggling with it usually doesn't work. In fact by paying attention to the problem you are still feeding the cycle. Focusing your mind on a Dharma image is giving it temporary respite from the battle, a temporary Refuge. In this context "Taking Refuge" means a request for an anchor of sanity in the otherwise insane vicious circle. It doesn't mean that the insanity will vanish, but be more like Ulysses tying himself to the mast as the siren's sang their song. He still felt their lure, but the ropes kept him from acting on it. Refuge is the mast. The ropes are the Vinaya vows. That's why they say Refuge is the basis for all vows.

You can start out with a 24 hour vow. Succeeding will give you confidence and strength. Then perhaps a 48 hour resolution, etc.
A human being has his limits. And thus, in every conceivable way, with every possible means, he tries to make the teaching enter into his own limits. ChNN
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Re: Celibacy

Postby ground » Sun Jul 21, 2013 6:55 am

smcj wrote:What porn does is stimulate and amplify a specific defilement.

And that is? :sage:
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Re: Celibacy

Postby smcj » Sun Jul 21, 2013 9:15 am

ground wrote:
smcj wrote:What porn does is stimulate and amplify a specific defilement.

And that is? :sage:

I want to believe that's not a real question. However, given that it is the Internet and therefore we are all unknown quantities to each other, I will answer: desire/lust.
A human being has his limits. And thus, in every conceivable way, with every possible means, he tries to make the teaching enter into his own limits. ChNN
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Re: Celibacy

Postby ground » Sun Jul 21, 2013 9:54 am

smcj wrote:
ground wrote:
smcj wrote:What porn does is stimulate and amplify a specific defilement.

And that is? :sage:

I want to believe that's not a real question. However, given that it is the Internet and therefore we are all unknown quantities to each other, I will answer: desire/lust.

But what is so "specific" a "defilement" about desire/lust in the context of porn? :sage:
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Re: Celibacy

Postby shaunc » Sun Jul 21, 2013 12:24 pm

The problem is that the main idea behind Buddhism is to remove or at least minimise desire. Porn will only stimulate this desire. It also gives people an unrealistic idea about sex, not everyone is into swinging off the chandeliers in a leather batman suit. Most people or at least men anyway have viewed porn more than once in their life without it becoming a major problem, but like a lot of other things, when it becomes an addiction it takes over a persons life.
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Re: Celibacy

Postby Ramon1920 » Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:20 pm

Unless you're a monk or nun, or perhaps someone that needs to maintain a reputation for the sake of others faith, it's not necessarily a problem to look at pornography. It's like watching a movie, it would be bad if a monk spent their time watching movies, but it's not going to cause any harm for a lay person to.

Masturbating is sexual misconduct for lay people according to some, but I think most see that as invalid.
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Re: Celibacy

Postby Dronma » Sun Jul 21, 2013 11:10 pm

Maybe you should focus more in the reasons of why you want to become celibate.
Then, you should discuss honestly about it with your Guru.
"My view is as vast as the sky, but my actions are finer than flour"
~ Padmasambhava ~
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Re: Celibacy

Postby greentara » Tue Jul 23, 2013 4:15 am

Like lousy cheap food, lousy cheap porn is often made by bosses that worship money over people.
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Re: Celibacy

Postby flavio81 » Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:00 am

maxaroni13 wrote:Ty both for your help I don't think porn is sex I really would like to be celibate for rest of life though


It seems you are dangerously attracted to choosing extremes. Deal with this (<---) problem first.
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Re: Celibacy

Postby JKhedrup » Thu Jul 25, 2013 2:23 pm

it's not necessarily a problem to look at pornography. It's like watching a movie


What about the suffering of the lives of the people in the porn industry? Who are prone to sexually transmitted infections, depression, substance abuse and suicide?
A foolish man proclaims his qualifications,
A wise man keeps them secret within.
A straw floats on the surface of water,
But a precious gem placed upon it sinks to the depths
-Sakya Pandita
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Re: Celibacy

Postby coldwater » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:18 pm

JKhedrup - isn't anyone prone to those sufferings whether or not they are in porn?

I am not sure how it is different for sex performers as there are various standards from company to company and individual performer. Unless you mean they are 'more' prone suffering...it in which case it would be interesting to see your sources and the research showing those statistics. Otherwise it is just continuing the kind of stereotypes that does create stigma and suffering for people who have performed.


-byogen
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Re: Celibacy

Postby JKhedrup » Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:23 pm

I do not wish to stigmatize anyone. I think that anyone who has appeared in pornography has the same basic right to happiness and freedom from suffering as any other human being.
However, the women who are exploited by the pornography industry have higher rates of mental health problems and drug abuse. This cannot be denied.

http://Psychiatryonline.org/data/journals/PSS/4320/pss6206_0639.pdf
Last edited by Sherab Dorje on Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:36 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: Fixed broken link
A foolish man proclaims his qualifications,
A wise man keeps them secret within.
A straw floats on the surface of water,
But a precious gem placed upon it sinks to the depths
-Sakya Pandita
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