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 Post subject: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:50 am 
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Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2013 3:30 am
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:namaste:

My mother has an ex that currently lives with us. long story short, he became someone she didn't think he was. She doesn't want to kick him out because he has no place to go. My problem is, he is actually extremely negative towards me and she is slowly seeing that as well. He doesn't necessarily want to do anything for me and today, I asked for a favor that I was originally going to do but couldn't for personal reasons. Though he swore to my mother he was, he didn't. Now, I have no hard feelings, but still, with me beginning with my studies on Buddhism and wanting to create a positive environment, how exactly do I deal with this.

I actually told my mother I don't want to deal with him at all because of the negativity, but I feel like that wasn't the right answer. Any insight someone can give me would be great. Thanks


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 12:56 am 
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How old are you?

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A human being has his limits. And thus, in every conceivable way, with every possible means, he tries to make the teaching enter into his own limits. ChNN


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:14 am 
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22


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 11:19 am 
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Kindness is our behaviour, not our expectation. In other words, you have to do the best you can and in time you will realise we all fall short . . . :twothumbsup:

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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 11:36 am 
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Location: Reading MI USA
There are many things and people that we encounter everyday that are not positive.
We are only responsible for our actions. Not those of others. When a situation like this arises we must practice compassion and accept that person or situation as part of our path and do the best we can to not let the negativity affect us.
Is it possible for you to do whatever it was today? Is the personal reason going against the Buddhas teachings?
There's no need to answer that, I was just pointing these things out.
Also remember that nothing is permanent.
You are also young and at the beginning of your path. Do your best and thats all you can do.

:namaste:
Dave

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Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 5:36 pm 
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Doesn't sound good. Your mom needs to think of you, first, in any kind of relationship she might have with a dude. The guy could be a psychopath. Psychopaths are always very charming at first. That is their power. My friend Rhonda met this psychopathic dude, he took her for a couple of hundred thousand bucks. He almost ruined her life. Your mom had better seek outside help for getting rid of this dude. You need to be protected at all costs and so does MOM! :heart:


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:08 pm 
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Koji wrote:
Doesn't sound good. Your mom needs to think of you, first, in any kind of relationship she might have with a dude. The guy could be a psychopath. Psychopaths are always very charming at first. That is their power. My friend Rhonda met this psychopathic dude, he took her for a couple of hundred thousand bucks. He almost ruined her life. Your mom had better seek outside help for getting rid of this dude. You need to be protected at all costs and so does MOM! :heart:


While I understand completely where you're coming from. I'm not worried about my mother. My mom has put me first for the past 22 years as a single parent :smile: So, I'm not necessarily worried about that, more on the situation I described in the OP.

Dave:

I'm not worried about his actions, I'm not letting what he does affect me. But, I can't ignore his negativity and what it's doing to an environment I'm trying to create while I study Buddhism. As for my reasoning, it can't be done today because public transport doesn't run on the weekends and I have no car as well the reasoning has nothing to do with Buddha's teaching at all. An alternative was made because of his lack of action though.


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:35 pm 
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Location: Reading MI USA
Victoryoftheppl wrote:
I can't ignore his negativity and what it's doing to an environment I'm trying to create while I study Buddhism.


Dave The Seeker wrote:
There are many things and people that we encounter everyday that are not positive.
We are only responsible for our actions...... When a situation like this arises we must practice compassion and accept that person or situation as part of our path and do the best we can to not let the negativity affect us...........
Do your best and thats all you can do.



Please note these points in what I wrote.

:namaste:
Dave

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Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:52 pm 
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Reflecting that both of you are in the grip of karma can help. He is only acting this way because of past karma and doing the best he can. Have compassion but not pity for him. You are only seeing his actions in a certain way because of past karma and you are doing the best you can. Have compassion but not pity for yourself. Over time your buddhist studies and especially practice will help but don't expect too much to begin with.

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Unless the inner forces of negative emotions are conquered
Strife with outer enemies will never end.
~Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 9:58 pm 
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Posts: 91
Location: New Zealand
I find that taking the practice from the relative comfort of the cushion out into the world at large is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. However, being able to summon even the tiniest bit of compassion in a difficult situation is extraordinarily transformative in my experiences so far.

Advice from one beginner to another is rarely substantive, though what I would say is to keep trying and not worry too much about results. They will take care of themselves.

Feel for ya!

Edit: ninja'd by Punya :smile: My post addressed to Nikki.

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Metta,

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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 8:23 am 
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Monsoon wrote:
. . . keep trying and not worry too much about results. They will take care of themselves . . .


Continual alignment, attunement and effort. Buddhism is work, make no mistake. It is effort, with rewards. It is karma and makes us calmer. Calmer karma in a sense. It is not a game. Failings allowed. Be patient with yourself and your circumstances and above all be determined and persistent. If just a fad, it will fade . . .

In Buddhism, it is all up to us . . . :meditate:

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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:27 am 
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Um... is that in agreement with the bit of my post or not? :?

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Metta,

Monsoon


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 Post subject: Re: A need for insight
PostPosted: Mon Jul 01, 2013 10:41 am 
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I would try to employ the Vajra guru mantra.

Kevin

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