A need for insight

General discussion, particularly exploring the Dharma in the modern world.
Post Reply
Victoryoftheppl
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2013 3:30 am

A need for insight

Post by Victoryoftheppl »

:namaste:

My mother has an ex that currently lives with us. long story short, he became someone she didn't think he was. She doesn't want to kick him out because he has no place to go. My problem is, he is actually extremely negative towards me and she is slowly seeing that as well. He doesn't necessarily want to do anything for me and today, I asked for a favor that I was originally going to do but couldn't for personal reasons. Though he swore to my mother he was, he didn't. Now, I have no hard feelings, but still, with me beginning with my studies on Buddhism and wanting to create a positive environment, how exactly do I deal with this.

I actually told my mother I don't want to deal with him at all because of the negativity, but I feel like that wasn't the right answer. Any insight someone can give me would be great. Thanks
Schrödinger’s Yidam
Posts: 7885
Joined: Wed May 29, 2013 6:13 am

Re: A need for insight

Post by Schrödinger’s Yidam »

How old are you?
1.The problem isn’t ‘ignorance’. The problem is the mind you have right now. (H.H. Karmapa XVII @NYC 2/4/18)
2. I support Mingyur R and HHDL in their positions against lama abuse.
3. Student: Lama, I thought I might die but then I realized that the 3 Jewels would protect me.
Lama: Even If you had died the 3 Jewels would still have protected you. (DW post by Fortyeightvows)
Victoryoftheppl
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2013 3:30 am

Re: A need for insight

Post by Victoryoftheppl »

22
User avatar
lobster
Posts: 1001
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:06 pm
Contact:

Re: A need for insight

Post by lobster »

Kindness is our behaviour, not our expectation. In other words, you have to do the best you can and in time you will realise we all fall short . . . :twothumbsup:
User avatar
Dave The Seeker
Posts: 409
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:02 pm
Location: Reading MI USA

Re: A need for insight

Post by Dave The Seeker »

There are many things and people that we encounter everyday that are not positive.
We are only responsible for our actions. Not those of others. When a situation like this arises we must practice compassion and accept that person or situation as part of our path and do the best we can to not let the negativity affect us.
Is it possible for you to do whatever it was today? Is the personal reason going against the Buddhas teachings?
There's no need to answer that, I was just pointing these things out.
Also remember that nothing is permanent.
You are also young and at the beginning of your path. Do your best and thats all you can do.

:namaste:
Dave
Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~
User avatar
Koji
Posts: 122
Joined: Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:26 am

Re: A need for insight

Post by Koji »

Doesn't sound good. Your mom needs to think of you, first, in any kind of relationship she might have with a dude. The guy could be a psychopath. Psychopaths are always very charming at first. That is their power. My friend Rhonda met this psychopathic dude, he took her for a couple of hundred thousand bucks. He almost ruined her life. Your mom had better seek outside help for getting rid of this dude. You need to be protected at all costs and so does MOM! :heart:
Victoryoftheppl
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2013 3:30 am

Re: A need for insight

Post by Victoryoftheppl »

Koji wrote:Doesn't sound good. Your mom needs to think of you, first, in any kind of relationship she might have with a dude. The guy could be a psychopath. Psychopaths are always very charming at first. That is their power. My friend Rhonda met this psychopathic dude, he took her for a couple of hundred thousand bucks. He almost ruined her life. Your mom had better seek outside help for getting rid of this dude. You need to be protected at all costs and so does MOM! :heart:
While I understand completely where you're coming from. I'm not worried about my mother. My mom has put me first for the past 22 years as a single parent :smile: So, I'm not necessarily worried about that, more on the situation I described in the OP.

Dave:

I'm not worried about his actions, I'm not letting what he does affect me. But, I can't ignore his negativity and what it's doing to an environment I'm trying to create while I study Buddhism. As for my reasoning, it can't be done today because public transport doesn't run on the weekends and I have no car as well the reasoning has nothing to do with Buddha's teaching at all. An alternative was made because of his lack of action though.
User avatar
Dave The Seeker
Posts: 409
Joined: Wed Dec 14, 2011 11:02 pm
Location: Reading MI USA

Re: A need for insight

Post by Dave The Seeker »

Victoryoftheppl wrote: I can't ignore his negativity and what it's doing to an environment I'm trying to create while I study Buddhism.
Dave The Seeker wrote:There are many things and people that we encounter everyday that are not positive.
We are only responsible for our actions...... When a situation like this arises we must practice compassion and accept that person or situation as part of our path and do the best we can to not let the negativity affect us...........
Do your best and thats all you can do.
Please note these points in what I wrote.

:namaste:
Dave
Everyday problems teach us to have a realistic attitude.
They teach us that life is what life is; flawed.
Yet with tremendous potential for joy and fulfillment.
~Lama Surya Das~

If your path teaches you to act and exert yourself correctly and leads to spiritual realizations such as love, compassion and wisdom then obviously it's worthwhile.
~Lama Thubten Yeshe~

One whose mind is freed does not argue with anyone, he does not dispute with anyone. He makes use of the conventional terms of the world without clinging to them
~The Buddha~
Punya
Posts: 1437
Joined: Thu Dec 20, 2012 10:50 pm

Re: A need for insight

Post by Punya »

Reflecting that both of you are in the grip of karma can help. He is only acting this way because of past karma and doing the best he can. Have compassion but not pity for him. You are only seeing his actions in a certain way because of past karma and you are doing the best you can. Have compassion but not pity for yourself. Over time your buddhist studies and especially practice will help but don't expect too much to begin with.
We abide nowhere. We possess nothing.
~Chatral Rinpoche
User avatar
Monsoon
Posts: 91
Joined: Wed May 01, 2013 12:28 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: A need for insight

Post by Monsoon »

I find that taking the practice from the relative comfort of the cushion out into the world at large is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. However, being able to summon even the tiniest bit of compassion in a difficult situation is extraordinarily transformative in my experiences so far.

Advice from one beginner to another is rarely substantive, though what I would say is to keep trying and not worry too much about results. They will take care of themselves.

Feel for ya!

Edit: ninja'd by Punya :smile: My post addressed to Nikki.
Let peace reign!

Metta,

Monsoon
User avatar
lobster
Posts: 1001
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 9:06 pm
Contact:

Re: A need for insight

Post by lobster »

Monsoon wrote: . . . keep trying and not worry too much about results. They will take care of themselves . . .
Continual alignment, attunement and effort. Buddhism is work, make no mistake. It is effort, with rewards. It is karma and makes us calmer. Calmer karma in a sense. It is not a game. Failings allowed. Be patient with yourself and your circumstances and above all be determined and persistent. If just a fad, it will fade . . .

In Buddhism, it is all up to us . . . :meditate:
User avatar
Monsoon
Posts: 91
Joined: Wed May 01, 2013 12:28 am
Location: New Zealand

Re: A need for insight

Post by Monsoon »

Um... is that in agreement with the bit of my post or not? :?
Let peace reign!

Metta,

Monsoon
User avatar
Virgo
Posts: 4844
Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 3:47 am
Location: Uni-verse

Re: A need for insight

Post by Virgo »

I would try to employ the Vajra guru mantra.

Kevin
Post Reply

Return to “Dharma in Everyday Life”