Gyaltsen Tashi wrote:I am not ready to give up my personal history. In fact I still bear grudges.
Step one is to really see and know this. And apparently do. How you choose to relate to these grudges in your life is of course up to you. From a practice point of view, clinging to past hurts will only impede your path to liberation. But everyone's own liberation is up to them. Once I took my dog to dog training class. The instructor said, "You can do this is five weeks or in five months." I think it took us five years.
My own experience about giving things up is threefold. Sometimes i give something up because it just hurts too much too keep clinging. So that is 'the hard way'. Other times, I give something up because I have sufficient insight into how it works to see
that it is ridiculous to keep clinging. And still other times, it seems as if past merit allows something to release all by itself, as if the sheer momentum of practice makes something easier.
Holding grudges is common but not helpful. But your path is your own. i wish you luck.
I am well aware of my idiocy. I am also very aware that you too are an idiot. Therein lies our mutuality.