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Guilt - Dhamma Wheel

Guilt

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
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BlueLotus
Posts: 393
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:46 am

Guilt

Postby BlueLotus » Sun Dec 25, 2011 3:32 pm

Hello friends,

I like to ask you how to deal with guilt. Sometimes i get angry with my father and annoy me. We sometimes argue and later i feel bad. I feel i talked too loud. I feel i did not think about his old age. I feel guilty and my anxiety increase. I can not meditate for days.

I know it is wrong to get angry but sometimes i can not stop it. Is this ok? Am i bad? :cry:
I feel hopeless when it happen.

Please advice me how to handle this.

Thank you
:anjali:

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rowboat
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Location: Brentwood Bay

Re: Guilt

Postby rowboat » Sun Dec 25, 2011 6:53 pm

I believe it is more skilful to deal with the anger whenever it arises than to deal with the guilt which is its result. Fortunately, with one's mindfulness established to any degree, anger is much less of a problem. It's not easy to miss when it arises. Just watch it and it will quickly pass.
Rain soddens what is covered up,
It does not sodden what is open.
Therefore uncover what is covered
That the rain will not sodden it.
Ud 5.5

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Cittasanto
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Re: Guilt

Postby Cittasanto » Sun Dec 25, 2011 8:14 pm



He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.

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amtross
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Re: Guilt

Postby amtross » Sun Dec 25, 2011 8:34 pm

I too have problems with anger.

I have heard it said something like "anger has a sweet tip with a poisoned root". I take this to refer to how anger tends to seem like the right thing to do at the time. It's your buddy, there to look out for your interest and sadly for me, sometimes it even seems like it feels good to "let it out". That's the sweet tip. The poisoned root is the aftertaste of anger. The definling aspect in the mind and the Karmic consequences on your life of angry thoughts and words/action.

Maybe guilt/remorse is wisdom seeing this poisoned root. It helps me to see the whole thing rather than just one part, the arising of anger (craving, clinging), the action or thoughts and how those feel (becomming, birth), then the consequences and how those feel (lamentation, remorse). It is a process with predictable results...

sean

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BlueLotus
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Re: Guilt

Postby BlueLotus » Tue Dec 27, 2011 3:35 pm

Thank you for your replies. I have note down your answers. I will work on them next time. I am careful with my reaction at moment. With father my relationship is fine. I should be careful next time he says something angers me.

:anjali:

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Alobha
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Location: Germany

Re: Guilt

Postby Alobha » Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:02 pm

It also helps to be aware of difficult situations beforehand. If you know that you get angry when you talk with your father about specific topics, be prepared to keep a cool head. Be prepared to hear unpleasant things. Training my understanding often helped me in these situations. E.g. understand that we all sometimes think, act and speak in an unskillful way. Sometimes we all do make mistakes. We all have the right to have our own opinion, to make up our mind on our own. We all have the right to do mistakes.
If you get upset about your father because of what he says - well, understand that he does mistakes just like we all do.

Please don't punish yourself or feel bad about it. It is very good that you care about how you deal with other people and it is very good that you try to do better. Anger can be a great teacher, so see that as an excellent opportunity to learn! :)

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BlueLotus
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Re: Guilt

Postby BlueLotus » Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:17 pm


whynotme
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Re: Guilt

Postby whynotme » Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:21 pm

Please stop following me

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Nibbida
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Re: Guilt

Postby Nibbida » Wed Dec 28, 2011 3:15 am


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manas
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Re: Guilt

Postby manas » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:53 am

Then the Blessed One, picking up a tiny bit of dust with the tip of his fingernail, said to the monk, "There isn't even this much form...feeling...
perception...fabrications...consciousness that is constant, lasting, eternal, not subject to change, that will stay just as it is as long as eternity."

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BlueLotus
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Re: Guilt

Postby BlueLotus » Wed Dec 28, 2011 5:05 pm

thank you :anjali:

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BlueLotus
Posts: 393
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:46 am

Re: Guilt

Postby BlueLotus » Wed Dec 28, 2011 5:09 pm



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