I once had a long distance relationship (it started as a intimate relationship and then developed into a long distance one). I can tell you that it just does not work. There are two options: either you sacrifice, time money, effort, etc... and make an attempt to actually be together (which may also fail dismally, this is a very real option) or you just admit to yourself that it is not really going anywhere and break it off. Of course either of the two options may bring you hardship/suffering initially, but hey, life goes on! Learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them again.CMP wrote:Thank you so much to anyone who can help.
gregkavarnos wrote:PS Her being a really great singer is actually not a problem. Quite the contrary. Wish her well and move on.
Meditate and be mindful of the inevitability and unpredictability of death. For both you and her. And how your relationship, feelings, and so forth won't continue into your next life.CMP wrote: is this also attachment? If so, how do I let it go? It seems much easier said than done.
randomseb wrote:In my experience, the lesson learned was that one doesn't need to possess a person in order to love that person, gain enjoyment from their existence, gain happiness from their flourishing in their own way, without controlling, owning and hiding away that person. Enjoy her, and let the rest of the world enjoy her too. If a physical romantic relationship is "meant to be", one will happen and that will be that.
The emotions are really disturbing and painful. And it's in anticipation of these emotions...because it's not like these events have even transpired yet. I wish I could feel complete and fulfilled. I'm starting to think this is what it would boil down to. I feel like I need her to fill up some void. But if I could only feel complete, I wouldn't worry about her moving on and doing something else if she decided to. I would be able to welcome it, instead of fearing it so badly and feeling helpless.
CMP wrote:I can still enjoy this person even if they have nothing to do with me. And I can always cherish the time we had together. What a good feeling. Liberating
CMP wrote:First off, please forgive me if this is in the wrong forum, but I'm very new here.
The reason I ask a buddhist to help me is because I've found the philosophy to be so helpful in my life thus far, and meditation has really helped. But this seems to be one situation which I feel I may not be able to handle without great sadness and grief. I think it stems from attachment, but I'm a bit unsure how to let go.
I'm in my freshman year of college, enjoying it very much, but 2 years ago I met a girl online from New York. I live in Alabama, so though I found this girl attractive and enjoyed talking to her, I obviously never pursued a relationship because I thought it wouldn't work being long distance.
Well we ended up becoming really close last summer. I had some health issues and had to have surgery, and it was kind of a lonely time for me, but she was there to talk every day. It made me feel so much better. We began talking on skype and other webcam shows very frequently, sometimes for like 4-5 hours. We've been doing that ever since June. We talk every day.
She's made me really happy, been there for me when no one else was, and we do tell each other that we love one another. We can't meet right now because of financial situations. We aren't "officially" in a relationship, but you might as well call it that.
The problem is that she's a really great singer, and that's what she loves doing. She's amazing. In fact, she won a talent show in her town recently. Being in New York, there's lots of opportunities. She sometimes goes to "open mic" night or whatnot to sing for people, and they love her. She auditioned for America's Got Talent back in February, and she's waiting for them to call back.
My concern is that if she really gets going with this music career that she'll have no more time for me, or that she'll just move on. I know buddhism says that things are constantly changing and not to have attachments. But it's difficult because I feel as if she's what's filling up some void in my life. It would be difficult to go a day without hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, or telling her how much I love her. It would be even more painful that everyone else in the world gets to watch her on television, but her and I can't have the closeness we once had. If she's famous, there's almost no chance that we stay in touch.
Ultimately, I want her to be happy, because I really do love her. So if she becomes too busy or something, I have to accept that. But as a buddhist, what advice would you give me for now? Because this is something that worries me every day. I can physically feel it. The worry sometimes causes me to break down in tears in the middle of the day.
Thank you so much to anyone who can help.
gregkavarnos wrote:]I once had a long distance relationship (it started as a intimate relationship and then developed into a long distance one). I can tell you that it just does not work.
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