duckfiasco wrote:I think you and I are about the same age possibly I'm 26, he's 25.
Two of my closest friends smoke marijuana, and it's never bothered me. I suppose the main thing is I don't like the effects in this instance.
Aside from the minor things like "I'll be in there in a minute" and an hour goes by, I worry that it's becoming his go-to for stressful days. The stressors are building and it seems like there's a karmic snowball with his job and our own issues fomenting while left unaddressed, and when all that stinky smelly juiciness of the situation is right there screaming "look at this suffering! help!" he's instead choosing the escape of marijuana. The intention seems very different from simply smoking weed to have fun or get some ideas for art. He also has a deeply rooted sense of self-consciousness. I've accidentally triggered bad trips down that road before. Not to mention it's becoming a source of secrecy and shame. He can tell I'm worried and want him to cut back, but instead of talking about it, he's been waiting until I go to bed, then smoking and staying up until 3 or 4a.
It's so weird to me that something like this is happening from a thing that really is not an issue 90% of the time. It's like being addicted to sitcoms or something. Yeah, it's weird and maybe a waste of time, but harmless... until it becomes an escape and a thing to feel shame about and hide from others.
I suppose the main reason I'm blathering about all this is I'm hoping for some insight into my own biases and some ideas on how to skillfully approach this. I am secondarily responsible for the stigma that's building around it in my husband's view, but I'm at a loss for what to do differently. My gentle, loving speech apparently isn't so gentle or loving! Or it's ineffective.
duckfiasco wrote:Hi, all.
I'm a practicing Buddhist and my husband of seven years is not. About two months ago, he began experimenting with marijuana. As time has gone on, he's began using it more and more. At this point, he uses it nearly every night. He views it as harmless, just a way to de-stress after a hard day at work, and not addictive. Basically, that it's not actually a drug.
What I see though is that it may be becoming a patterned way of handling stress. So it may not be addictive in the same way as nicotine, but in terms of actual use, it looks like addictive behavior. Recently, he said it was like a kind of mindfulness, and spiritual in a way. I couldn't disagree more. What I see is that the marijuana seems to put him on a sword's edge between total absentmindedness and giving in to the very neuroses he's trying to escape. I've seen it go both ways. And since the stress that drives him to use it never seems to lessen, it's not of any lasting help.
My personal view is it's hard enough to cut through our own crap as is, let alone when we throw a mind-altering drug in there. But I respect that we don't follow the same path. Our attempts to talk about it so far have been unsuccessful. Something about the way we talk, either his or my own clumsy approach, elicit defensiveness. He may interpret my reasons for not joining him to be some kind of moral high horse that I look down on him from.
I know this is the bare bones and nobody here really knows me or my partner in any depth. But what is your impression of this? Have any of you been in a similar situation with a loved one's drug use?
I can see both sides: I'm worrying over something trivial and shouldn't control his decisions, and trust in his ability to manage his life. Then on the other hand, we are married, and I do have some perspective on his behavior by now. I feel this is the latest way to numb himself to several long-standing issues. I don't want to be controlling, but I feel he needs a kick in the ass. No idea how to do this skillfully, though.
Note that if this were only occasional use, I wouldn't care. But it's nearly daily now.
Thank you all very much.
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