I would suggest using a condom. You could put it over the buddhas head before you "do it" and that way he couldnt see you. In case he could hear you, i would suggest singing hymns while you get busy. Personally, i have always liked "Onward Christian Soldiers".
The substance of the Absolute is inwardly like wood or stone, in that it is motionless, and outwardly like the void, in that it is without bounds or obstructions. It is neither subjective nor objective, has no specific location, is formless, and cannot vanish. ~Huang Po