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Frightening Experience - Dhamma Wheel

Frightening Experience

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
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Beautiful Breath
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Frightening Experience

Postby Beautiful Breath » Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:07 am

Hi All,

I have recently been through an extremely difficult time with regards to a break up. I am ok now, I have moved on as they say. However, whilst I was in the midst of the pain, it was an utter nightmare – literally. I knew that all the pain emotional and mental and to a certain extent in the beginning physical was a manifestation of my delusions it made no difference. There was nothing I could do to avoid the jealousy, attachment, pain and utter despair at being separated from the person I thought (maybe I did) love.

My concern is that the feelings were so completely overwhelming and all encompassing it has made me (doubt is too big a word) feel a concern as to the efficacy of my practice. Has anyone else experienced this?


Thanks

BB

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Ben
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Re: Frightening Experience

Postby Ben » Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:32 am

Yes it happens. But if you continue to practice it will pull you through with less self-inflicted misery.
Sorry to hear of your relationship troubles.
Wishing you all the best,

Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

(Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • •

e: [email protected]..

santa100
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Re: Frightening Experience

Postby santa100 » Mon Jul 25, 2011 3:09 pm

Good thing is that even your current state of miserry will soon go away because everything is Impermanent right... However, you can make it go faster if you look at it this way: if you're responsible for the breakup, then focus on your daily practice to improve yourself to be a better person; if your lover's responsible for the breakup, well, then he/she shouldn't be someone worth wasting your energy for thinking about. Move on. There're other better things in life to focus on. Good luck..

Jack
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Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 1:54 pm

Re: Frightening Experience

Postby Jack » Mon Jul 25, 2011 3:55 pm

A daily meditation practice (slowly) builds up our mental muscles and ability to keep equanimity. From what you stated, I think the emotional load you faced was far more than your ability to deal with it. It is like working out at the gym. You are able over time to slowly increase the weight you can lift. But, if you try to lift a weight far over your limit, you cannot do it.

jack

rowyourboat
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Location: London, UK

Re: Frightening Experience

Postby rowyourboat » Mon Jul 25, 2011 10:48 pm

Code of practice to remember during all times of misery:

1) Identify 'I am suffering, now'
2) Find the cause 'what is the cause of my suffering ie- what attachment is causing me suffering, let me feel it first, then let go'
3) letting go of the attachment (see below) -feel it ebbing away
4) ..using a method from the Noble Eightfold Path. I personally find these methods really helpful:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

with metta

Matheesha
With Metta

Karuna
Mudita
& Upekkha

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octathlon
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Location: USA

Re: Frightening Experience

Postby octathlon » Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:22 pm

BB,
I came across an article the other day that reminded me of your earlier thread, but since it had been quite a while back I didn't try to find it. Glad you have already found a way to deal with things, but here is the link:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sch ... -obsessing

steve19800
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Re: Frightening Experience

Postby steve19800 » Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:52 am


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Beautiful Breath
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Re: Frightening Experience

Postby Beautiful Breath » Mon Aug 01, 2011 11:43 am

Thanks everyone for your posts...it really was a dreadful time - rather pull my own teeth out. Made me wonder weather I have always been a hopeless romantic as now I am looking at 'relationships' in a much more pragmatic and tougher way. A pity maybe but much safer! :juggling:

BB

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Nibbida
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Re: Frightening Experience

Postby Nibbida » Wed Aug 03, 2011 3:35 pm

The goal of practice is not to remove feelings (vedana), even strong ones. So even people with advanced practice may feel strong emotions. Rather than regard these as an indication of doubt about the efficacy of practice (see: Hindrance #5), recognize them as grist for the mill. In the process of applying mindfulness, equanimity, compassion, etc. to these experiences, they actually develop your practice.

These experiences are not indication of failure or obstacles to practice. They are the very stepping stones through which practice progresses. Welcome them as teachers. Pema Chodron said, "Nothing goes away until it has taught us what we needed to know." I find that perspective very helpful. Otherwise, thinking you "shouldn't" have felt so intensely or that your practice "should" have been better is just clinging in disguise.

Metta
:anjali:

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daverupa
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Re: Frightening Experience

Postby daverupa » Wed Aug 03, 2011 5:14 pm


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Nibbida
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Re: Frightening Experience

Postby Nibbida » Thu Aug 04, 2011 2:20 am



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